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Don’t get in a flap, Jack.

Not sure if you can seemlessly segway from pancake puns into flapjack territory there Al.

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Wife rang "Three girls in my office just received flowers for Valentines Day, they're absolutely gorgeous"

 

I said "Thats probably why they received flowers".

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Not sure if you can seemlessly segway from pancake puns into flapjack territory there Al.

 

Staying up and forward motion don't seem to be a problem for him.

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Me and the wife were in the shopping centre earlier, where we rounded a corner to see a gaggle of young girls, all wearing next to nothing, pouring out of HMV.

"Phoarr!", I said to the wife, pointing at a gorgeous lass of about twenty. "I bet you'd love to have legs

like her."

 

She didn't respond, but I could tell she was upset.

 

I could hear the sobs as I wheeled her up the ramp into debenhams.

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Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.

 

Apparently she'd stood him up.

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Jake "The Snake" Roberts was walking through Accra airport with his snake Damien when suddenly a former football appeared directly behind him.  An airport worker asked"Tony Yeboah?" Jake replied "It's a Python and the name is Jake"

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Jake "The Snake" Roberts was walking through Accra airport with his snake Damien when suddenly a former football appeared directly behind him.  An airport worker asked"Tony Yeboah?" Jake replied "It's a Python and the name is Jake"

 

Mother of god.

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Jake "The Snake" Roberts was walking through Accra airport with his snake Damien when suddenly a former football appeared directly behind him.  An airport worker asked"Tony Yeboah?" Jake replied "It's a Python and the name is Jake"

 

200.gif

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Paulie Dangerously, on 22 Feb 2018 - 12:28 PM, said:

 

Jake "The Snake" Roberts was walking through Accra airport with his snake Damien when suddenly a former football appeared directly behind him. An airport worker asked"Tony Yeboah?" Jake replied "It's a Python and the name is Jake"

I'm not one for violence, but this deserves testicle removal with an electrical pliers.

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Jake "The Snake" Roberts was walking through Accra airport with his snake Damien when suddenly a former football appeared directly behind him.  An airport worker asked"Tony Yeboah?" Jake replied "It's a Python and the name is Jake"

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A woman flies to Italy for her 93 year old grandfathers funeral. After the funeral she asks her 90 year old gran how papa passed away.

" We were making love,like we did every saturday night when the church bells rang.We made love to the rhythm of the bells ..dong...dong..slowly and beautifully"

"In fact, Papa would still be alive now if that ice cream van hadn't put the chimes on"

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I saw a homeless man sleeping in a big cardboard box.

 

Not wanting to disturb him, I crept up and put a Starbucks cup on top.

 

He woke up and said “thank you”.

 

“No problem” I said, smiling.

 

He looked up and said “it's empty”.

 

I said “I know, it's meant to be a chimney...”.

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