Joke!

[Tourt]

The wife advised me to get one of those penis enlargers.

 

 

So i did.

 

 

Her name’s Amy and she’s 21.

[Alan Sex]

I saw an ad in a shop window that said “Television for Sale – $5 - Volume Stuck On Full”.

 

"Well," I thought, “I can’t turn that down”.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”

[Clem H Fandango]

I was in a cafe today and two waitresses had a massive row over how long to leave a teabag in the cup and it got so bad it ended up in violence.

I asked the manager what had happened and he told me it had been brewing for ages.

[Clem H Fandango]

My mate says his girlfriend lets him lick strawberry preserve off her clitoris.

 

Jammy cunt.

[Trumo]

Paul McCartney was asked if he'd even go down on one knee ever again. "No, not now we're divorced," he replied.

[Alan Sex]

Thank you to everyone who helped me out with the definition of the word "many".

 

It means a lot.

[Trumo]

Son: Why is my sister's name Teresa?

Dad: Well, your mum loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.

Son: That makes sense, thanks Dad!

Dad: You're welcome, Alan.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a Dane, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinian, a Slovak, an Australian, an Egyptian, a New Zealander, a Japanese, a Spaniard, a Russian, an Uzbek, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Israeli, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Liechtensteiner, a Moldovan, a Syrian, an Aruban, a Mongolian, a Portuguese, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Cook Islander, a Norfolk Islander, a Haitian, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Georgian, a Bahamian, a Tajikistani, an Armenian, an Albanian, a Samoan, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Belarusian, a Qatari, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Cuban, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two South Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai..."

[Priory Doctor]

My clothes drying maiden has broken after years of fine service.

I'm gutted.

It's like the end of an airer.

[A Red]

A bunch of scumbags stole a 10 crates of Red Bull from the local shop last night. I dont know how these bastards sleep at night.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

[Duncan Clench]

Apparently the Pope loves cats...

 

...yeah he's a cat-holic alright.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I was adopted by a bloke called Daz.

 

He's my non-biological father.

[stringvest]

I was adopted by a bloke called Daz.

 

He's my non-biological father.

 

 

he couldn't have children naturally with his partner as he was an Omosexual.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Apparently the Pope loves cats...

 

...yeah he's a cat-holic alright.

The forums darkest hour.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[Priory Doctor]

One for Stan Collymore:

What do male Doggers clean their genitals with?

Car Bollock soap.

[Priory Doctor]

A woman goes to her Doctors and says

" I think I am growing a penis.I have been taking testosterone injections and steroids"

"Anobolic? " says the Doctor

"No, just a penis" says the woman. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I was sat with a mate in a pub last night. He pointed across the bar at two drunks and said "That's us two in 10 years." 

 

I said, "You're looking in a mirror you daft cunt." 

[redheart]

I was sat with a mate in a pub last night. He pointed across the bar at two drunks and said "That's us two in 10 years." 

 

I said, "You're looking in a mirror you daft cunt." 

 

Have you missed off the punchline?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Arse dogs allowed on Liverpool buses?

 

Yes, the nice girls all have cars. 

[TheBitch]

Really good session in the gym today...

 

No thanks to all the judgemental fuckers staring every time I cracked open a can.

[Alan Sex]

Arse dogs allowed on Liverpool buses?

 

Yes, the nice girls all have cars.

 

I like how you autocorrected to Arse.

 

Shows you which part of the vocabulary you use most often.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I like how you autocorrected to Arse.

 

Shows you which part of the anatomy you use most often.

.