Jump to content
  • Sign up for free and receive a month's subscription

    You are viewing this page as a guest. That means you are either a member who has not logged in, or you have not yet registered with us. Signing up for an account only takes a minute and it means you will no longer see this annoying box! It will also allow you to get involved with our friendly(ish!) community and take part in the discussions on our forums. And because we're feeling generous, if you sign up for a free account we will give you a month's free trial access to our subscriber only content with no obligation to commit. Register an account and then send a private message to @dave u and he'll hook you up with a subscription.

Recommended Posts

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

 

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the

86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

 

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child..

 

'So what do you think about that Doc ?'

 

The doctor considered his question for a minute and

then began to tell a story.

 

'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter

And never misses a season.'

 

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

 

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun'

 

'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

 

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

 

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if

It were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang.''

 

'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

 

Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

 

The 86-year-old said,

'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else

Pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

 

The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea , two prawns were

swimming

around. One called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns

were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited

the area.

 

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a

prawn; I

wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being

eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted' Lo and

behold, Justin turned into a shark.

 

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his

old

mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring

and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close

to them.

Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of

his

sad plight.

 

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he

thought

perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He

approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he

found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny

little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a

cocktail.

 

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his

old

pal. 'Where's Christian?' he asked. 'He's at home, still distraught that

his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the

reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he

set

off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came

flooding back.

 

He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend,

come

out and see me again.' Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me.

You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your

dinner.'

Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've

changed.'.........

 

 

.

 

.

.

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

.

 

'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ELIZABETH FRITLS DIARY

Monday.stayed in.dad came down and fucked me.

tuesdaystayed in.got fucked by dad.

wed, stayed in.dad fucked me doggy style.

thur.stayed in.dad spunked on my face.

friday.stayed in.dad gave my arse a right seeing to.

saturday.went to watch everton.wish i'd stayed in.!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A Leper goes into a bar on one of the hottest days of the year. A lot of people have their shirts off due to the heat so the Leper takes off his shirt too and goes to the bar and orders a pint. As he takes a sip, he looks at a guy on a stool next to him who is glancing in his direction. Suddenly the guy throws up all over the bar. The Leper feels insulted and says,"Excuse me!"

"Sorry," the guy says,"It's not your fault."

The Leper gets even more insulted and says,"Well, if it's not my fault, whose fault is it?"

The guy on the stool swallows down hard and manages to blurt out,"It's the drunk guy behind you dipping chips in your back."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

 

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

 

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

 

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

 

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"

 

"Nine..."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woman comes home to find her husband blow drying his cock

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Husband: " Warming your dinner!"

 

 

 

Woman rings her boss "I won't be in to day, I've got anal blindness"

Boss says: "What the fuck is that!?"

She says: "I can't see my arse getting out of this bed!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I finally found a girl who meets my every sexual need.

Dressing up? No Problem

Full Oral? No problem

Anal? No Problem

Can I bring a friend round for a spit roast? No Problem,

And she never ever complains

Only one thing Missing

 

 

 

 

 

A Pulse

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...