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I caught my son listening to a song

called "Smack my Bitch Up".

I took him to one side and explained it

wasn't big or clever to hit women.

"But Dad", he said, "It's not about that

at all. It's about injecting women with heroin so they can be manipulated

into prostitution."

I apologised for my mistake.

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My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.

I told her I was looking for cheap flights.

"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited,

She quickly undressed and we had the most amazing sex ever....

Which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before.

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