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Dave works in an office, and says to his boss that he needs to finish early as everyone's going out, his boss replies "everyones not going out" and dave say's that they are and that he knows everybody and everybody knows him, The boss says prove it, so dave asks him how? The boss say's you dont know Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! So they jump on a plane to LA, and land at their appartment, Angelina answers and say's " Hello dave hows things, i havent seen you in ages come on in for a drink Brads up feeding the children. The boss is impressed but still doesnt believe that dave knows everybody, " You dont know the queen! So they jump on a plane to England, and arrive at Buckingham Palace, Dave knocks at the door and the queen says hello dave i havent seen u in ages, come on in for a cup of tea, So after that the boss is impressed but still doesn't believe that he knows everybody.

"You dont know the Pope, hardly anyone knows the Pope" so they jump on a plane to Rome and arrive at the Vatican, There's thousands of people there waiting to be addressed by the Pope, "You stay here and il come out there and wave with the Pope, So as the Pope and Dave come out he waves to his boss, and see's him falling to the ground, he rushes down and gives his boss a glass of water and brings him round, " Did you faint because i proved i know the Pope, he say's!! Naw say's his boss, Someone behind me said " who the fucks that up there with dave!!!!!!

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Dave works in an office, and says to his boss that he needs to finish early as everyone's going out, his boss replies "everyones not going out" and dave say's that they are and that he knows everybody and everybody knows him, The boss says prove it, so dave asks him how? The boss say's you dont know Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! So they jump on a plane to LA, and land at their appartment, Angelina answers and say's " Hello dave hows things, i havent seen you in ages come on in for a drink Brads up feeding the children. The boss is impressed but still doesnt believe that dave knows everybody, " You dont know the queen! So they jump on a plane to England, and arrive at Buckingham Palace, Dave knocks at the door and the queen says hello dave i havent seen u in ages, come on in for a cup of tea, So after that the boss is impressed but still doesn't believe that he knows everybody.

"You dont know the Pope, hardly anyone knows the Pope" so they jump on a plane to Rome and arrive at the Vatican, There's thousands of people there waiting to be addressed by the Pope, "You stay here and il come out there and wave with the Pope, So as the Pope and Dave come out he waves to his boss, and see's him falling to the ground, he rushes down and gives his boss a glass of water and brings him round, " Did you faint because i proved i know the Pope, he say's!! Naw say's his boss, Someone behind me said " who the fucks that up there with dave!!!!!!

 

haha, made me chuckle - 8/10

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I kept avoiding this because I couldn't be arsed reading it. Made me smile though. 8/10 also.

 

Cheers, i laughed for about 10 mins after i heard this lol

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I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.

I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.

I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.

 

Let's see Crimewatch fucking stage a reconstruction of that.

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Guest simon

Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm was just swimming around. Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights all the other sperms asked him one day, Why don't you just swim around like us?

Bob replied with a smirk, well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there. The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back. The others asked him why he turned around and he said, back up boys it's a BLOW JOB!

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I shagged a girl a couple of weeks ago who described herself as a "serial romancer". She was right - two weeks later my dick looks like it's covered in cornflakes and it's making its own milk!

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Guest simon

Heres one

 

Whats blue and white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Refridgerator wearing a denom jacket.;)

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I fucked my best friend the other night, and I just know things are gonna be uncomfortable between us for awhile.....

 

I mean, just this morning he point blank refused to let me walk him.

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