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On 19/05/2023 at 15:10, Shooter in the Motor said:

During a robbery in Zimbabwe, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank lay down quietly. This is called the "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

 

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!" This is called "Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

 

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!" This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

 

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”. This is called "Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavourable situation to your advantage! The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month." This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

 

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!" This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!" The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery. This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

 

So who are the real robbers here?

If The Athletic did jokes!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Man answers door on Xmas morning.

 

There's no-one there.

 

He looks down and sees a snail.

 

‘can I help you?’ The man asks.


‘No, I'd just like to wish you and your family the best for the holidays.’ The snail replies.

 

The man picks up the snail and boots it for miles. ‘Stupid snail’ He says.

 

Easter rolls round and the man hears a knock on his door.


He goes to answer it, but sees no-one, looks down….

 

And the snail says: What did you do that for?

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  • 4 weeks later...

Two Indian lads get invited to a fancy dress party, the theme is... ‘come as an emotion’

After much thought the lads think they have it sorted and get prepped for the big night. They get naked, grab their props and head down the hall to where the party is at.

 

The host is letting people in the door, firstly a chap completely covered in blue body paint. “Ahhhh you are all blue I see you are depressed, very good very good” praises the host. Then someone completely covered in green body paint... “ahhh my envious friend, come in come in”

 

Then our two lads are there standing in front of the host, bollock naked, one with his cock stuck in a pear and the other with his buried in a bowl of custard.

 

“What the fuck is this?” Asks the host. “What emotions have you come as?!?”

Lad 1: “I have cum in dis pear” Lad 2: “And I am fucking dis custard”

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  • 1 month later...
On 05/03/2024 at 22:56, No2 said:

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

 

 

 

 

 

I would pay to have a lentil on my face.

Fucking butchered that joke. Obviously should say wouldn't pay to have a lentil on my face.

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Classic Bernard Manning joke 

 

“So I’m invited to Anfield, in the queue for the corporate suite and the fella in-front of me is arguing with this Scouse steward …..

“Not in here mate, you’re the other side of the stadium” 
“Do you know who I am?!” 
“No?”
“I’m Seb Coe!”
“Well it won’t take you fucking long then will it”

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