Joke!

[rb14]

On 23/02/2022 at 11:18, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams film is Mrs Fire.

Took me a while. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[Ezekiel 25:17]

My wife said she's leaving me because i#m far too impressionable.

 

Good idea.

 

 

The doctor reckons he's finally got a cure for my sleep apnea.

 

I'm not holding my breath.

[Elite]

2 hours ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

My wife said she's leaving me because i#m far too impressionable.

 

Good idea.

 

 

The doctor reckons he's finally got a cure for my sleep apnea.

 

I'm not holding my breath.

You've been on sickipedia haven't you!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

A young frog took an Ancestry.com DNA test. Turns out he's a little bit English, a little bit French and a tad Pole.

[Elite]

My wife claimed she was late coming home tonight because she was ambushed by a group of elderly men who pinned her down and repaired her shoes.

 

Sounds like a load of old cobblers to me.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[Clem H Fandango]

I had my legs X-rayed at my BUPA health check today

 

 The doctor said: 'Both of your patella measure 2.54cm'.

 

I said: 'Inch-high knees?'

 

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高'

[rb14]

7 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

I had my legs X-rayed at my BUPA health check today

 

 The doctor said: 'Both of your patella measure 2.54cm'.

 

I said: 'Inch-high knees?'

 

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高'

Thunder mega rep. 

[Clem H Fandango]

A sweater I bought was picking up static, so I took it back to the shop.

 

They gave me a new one free of charge.

[SilverSong]

New variant alert.
Are you suffering sweats and palpitations at the fuel pump. You have Carowner Virus.

[halewood pete]

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, halewood pete said:

Paul Spaniels Ears there.

[Chip Butty]

[halewood pete]

Just been to the shops and there is vagrant sitting outside tescos dressed as king Henry the eighth. 

I thought, that can't be right,beggars can't be Tudors.

[Elite]

A Dublin man sees a sign outside a Kerry farmhouse:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the Garda.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world drug lords, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Dublin airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the Kerryman how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

“A tenner??But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden!"

[halewood pete]

Got an old broken  pub quiz machine if anyone wants it.

Ten pounds,no questions asked.

[mars]

 

 

[halewood pete]

I've got an old broken pub quiz machine for sale. 

£10,no questions asked 

[halewood pete]

[halewood pete]

[Elite]

1 minute ago, halewood pete said:

Haha, outstanding.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[VladimirIlyich]

On 24/03/2022 at 21:32, halewood pete said:

Would. And her too!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I've lost 20% of my couch.

 

Ouch!