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  • 2 weeks later...
2 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

There was a team of rappers at our local pub quiz last night. They lost by one point.

Last question was a five-parter on animal dwellings.

Had to name the homes of a badger, a bird, a fox, a rabbit and a squirrel

They got sett, nest, den and warren, but they forgot about drey...

I dont understand this one.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Teacher: "Can anybody tell me a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it?"

Little Jodie: "My sister got chicken pox and the doctor said it was contagious."
Little Susie: "This coronavirus is very contagious."
Little Johnny: "My dad was watching our neighbour cut his lawn with a pair of scissors. He said it will take the contagious."

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  • 3 weeks later...

I was walking down the high street yesterday when I saw this scruffy bloke playing the guitar and singing:

 

'When I was young, seemed like life was so wonderful, a miracle, it was beautiful, magical..."

 

I said 'That's Supertramp'

 

He said, 'Ah thanks very much, I've been practicing for ages'.

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I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. 

 

He said. "Can I see your ticket please?"

 

"Not right now." I shouted , " I'm having a shit"

 

He said " I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?"

 

"No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."

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