Joke!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Anybody want to hang out with me?

 

Asking for a friend. 

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Anybody want to hang out of me?

 

Hi Mook

[halewood pete]

[halewood pete]

[halewood pete]

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[Guest]

I don't know if this is a scam or not but I just received a text saying I'd won £250 cash or two tickets to an Elvis tribute night. It says Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show

[lifetime fan]

What do you call a chameleon that can’t change colour? 
 

Reptile dysfunction. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

My housemates keep saying the house is haunted.
I've lived here for 174 years and I've never seen a ghost

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

My housemates keep saying the house is haunted.
I've lived here for 174 years and I've never seen a ghost

Someone's been watching Nuke's Top 5.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Just now, Fluter in Dakota said:

Someone's been watching Nuke's Top 5.

I don't even know what that is.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

I don't even know what that is.

That's when things get truly creepy.

[VladimirIlyich]

32 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

My housemates keep saying the house is haunted.
I've lived here for 174 years and I've never seen a ghost

Are you Stringvests's housemate?

[Trumo]

1 hour ago, Fluter in Dakota said:

Someone's been watching Nuke's Top 5.

 

Is that the guy with the retarded voice?

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Trumo said:

 

Is that the guy with the retarded voice?

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I wish Oxford and Cambridge would somehow settle their differences.

 

I hate to see them rowing.

[halewood pete]

[AbbaZabba]

Did anyone hear about the carrot that died?

 

there was a big turnip at his funeral 

[easytoslip]

3 hours ago, AbbaZabba said:

Did anyone hear about the carrot that died?

 

there was a big turnip at his funeral 

That's a silly joke. 

 

[halewood pete]

[VladimirIlyich]

A fella in the pub said to me 'I've got eight legs of venison for sale,do you want to buy them?'

I replied 'How much?'

He answered '£200.'

'No thanks' I said 'That's two deer.'

[Stouffer]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the Arizona desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ees a ham bush...."

[A Red]

I used to see a bird with eczema, cracking tits. 

[A Red]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

[A Red]