Joke!

[easytoslip]

1 hour ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

I don't get it. 

Sorry , wrong thread don’t know why or how I done that. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

55 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Sorry , wrong thread don’t know why or how I done that. 

Clue's in your name, mate.

[sir roger]

Should have added boom boom at the end

[easytoslip]

37 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Clue's in your name, mate.

Well yes, but Definitely Red is worth noting now we’re here

[halewood pete]

Some mates are having a joint Burns night and Chinese new year party tonight. They are calling it Chinese Burns night.

I wasn't going to go but they twisted my arm

[Trumo]

A farmer and his wife go to a cattle auction and stop at the breeding bulls section.

 

They go up to the first pen where there is a sign attached that says: 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

She playfully nudges her husband in the ribs, smiles and says, "He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week."

They walk to the second pen which has a sign attached that says: 'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

She gives her husband a healthy jab and says, "Wow, that's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walk to the third pen and it has a sign attached that says: 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

The wife is so excited that her elbow nearly breaks her husband's ribs. She says, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one!"

Her husband turns to her and replies, "Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow."

[stringvest]

On 25/01/2020 at 12:07, halewood pete said:

Some mates are having a joint Burns night and Chinese new year party tonight. They are calling it Chinese Burns night.

I wasn't going to go but they twisted my arm

See, this is the sort of standard you've got to aim at.  Well in Pete.

[Remmie]

I've just invented this one, so may need a bit of polishing:

 

Glaswegian to English pal: I pure usetae love the old Nintendo games, Super Mario was alreet likesay, but street fighter was braw yano.

 

English guy: Yeah I loved it to, Zangief was fucking rubbish though.

 

Scot: Aye pal, but I pure loved some of the special moves, ya ken?

 

English: I do Ken (Hadouken).

 

Fin

[Bjornebye]

21 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I've just invented this one, so may need a bit of polishing:

 

Glaswegian to English pal: I pure usetae love the old Nintendo games, Super Mario was alreet likesay, but street fighter was braw yano.

 

English guy: Yeah I loved it to, Zangief was fucking rubbish though.

 

Scot: Aye pal, but I pure loved some of the special moves, ya ken?

 

English: I do Ken (Hadouken).

 

Fin

Glaswegians don't really say 'ken' mate. Other than that its pretty good 

[Remmie]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

Glaswegians don't really say 'ken' mate. Other than that its pretty good 

Thanks, it's fucking awful, that's why it's good

[Strontium]

10 hours ago, stringvest said:

See, this is the sort of standard you've got to aim at.  Well in Pete.

 

They got Pete to attend Burns Night by telling him he was going to be there, dead or alive.

[Remmie]

For Pete's sake that joke burns

[halewood pete]

So my lad came home from school yesterday looking sad.I asked him what was wrong and he said he had failed his spelling test by one word.I asked what it was and said armageddon. I told him not to worry,its not the end of the world.

[Alan Sex]

On 28/01/2020 at 16:12, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

They got Pete to attend Burns Night by telling him he was going to be there, dead or alive.

I’ll spin you right round, mate!

[Chocoholic]

[halewood pete]

Steelers Wheel just updated their 70s hit,

Stuck in the Wirral with Flu

[halewood pete]

This may make me sound big headed ,but I cant get my jumper off

[Trumo]

Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's this guy on the dance floor giving it large, break-dancing, moon-walking, back-flips, the full works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband replies, "Looks like he's still fucking celebrating."

[bigthrusts]

My missus just came to me and asked me to show her what I love more, her or football, and opened her legs. So I nutmegged her.

 

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

I’ve got some racing geese for sale.

 

Send me a PM if you want a quick gander. 

[dylstar]

I'm very proud to announce that at the grand old age of 45 I've joined my first band! We're called "the radiators"  And we're a warm up act

[Bjornebye]

29 minutes ago, dylstar said:

I'm very proud to announce that at the grand old age of 45 I've joined my first band! We're called "the radiators"  And we're a warm up act

Superb. Out of rep. I'll be back. 

[halewood pete]

My little Spanish nephew cant say 'please'yet.

That's poor for four

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 12/02/2020 at 17:55, dylstar said:

I'm very proud to announce that at the grand old age of 45 I've joined my first band! We're called "the radiators"  And we're a warm up act

I'm in a Goth band called The Prevention. 

 

We're better than The Cure.

[halewood pete]

Doctor Doctor,I keep hearing voices from my underpants.

Ignore them,they are talking bollocks