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The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread

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I've not listened to the radio since I left school.

 

It's either people playing bad music or talking incessantly, both of which are things that I fucking hate.

The exact reasons why I hardly listen to it. I don't want to hear some idiot DJ babbling on and nor do I want to listen to adverts either. Music is the main reason radio exists yet you wouldn't believe it was.

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Went to the chiropodist yesterday with an annoying and painful verruca on the ball of my foot. Turns out it was a corn. I'm fairly certain they only happen to old people.

 

Come to think of it, the evidence backs it up because I do turn 40 next month.

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this morning I officially graduated to Smooth FM in the car. I usually have Heart FM on in the morning but this morning I just thought to myself 'what's this fucking racket?' it was actually giving me a headache, so I put some Marvin Gaye on.

 

I fucking hate that Heart FM.  Every song is written or performed by Ed Sheeran, fact. 

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Watching the game last night when Kelly Dalglish pipes up ,we're going way back in time to see a clash between theses two, 1998. Fuck off that's only like yesterday.

Nope,it's 20 shagging years. *sigh*.

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Was out with my mrs’ mate and her fella the other night. The cunt was born in 1992. He’s talking to me about oasis and britpop asking me what it was like in 1990’s like I used to ask my dad about the 1960’s ffs

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I have to get up in the middle of the night for a piss. Every. Single. Fucking. Night.

 

Or maybe I've got prostrate cancer.

 

I'm sick of getting old and/or having cancer.

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I have to get up in the middle of the night for a piss. Every. Single. Fucking. Night.

 

Or maybe I've got prostrate cancer.

 

I'm sick of getting old and/or having cancer.

Really? fucking hell Rich go and have a check up. Even I don’t have to do that. Mind you, the bed looks like the Monday morning after Glastonbury when I wake up.

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Really? fucking hell Rich go and have a check up. Even I don’t have to do that. Mind you, the bed looks like the Monday morning after Glastonbury when I wake up.

Which side do you want love?

The shallow end please.

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That All Saints song “never never have I ever felt so low” - was 20 year old this week

For 20 years I've wondered why the first line is "A few questions that I need to know" instead of "A few answers....."

 

Modern music in general is just shite. I had to listen to Capital FM today and I swear they played the same song 4 times in a row. Post Malone? Cunt Malone.

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Thinking back on how fucking good this album was the first time I heard it stoned.   Some years under the belt since then.   Better times than I could appreciate at the time.

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I have to get up in the middle of the night for a piss. Every. Single. Fucking. Night.

 

Or maybe I've got prostrate cancer.

 

I'm sick of getting old and/or having cancer.

 

I do that too. I put it down to working late and drinking anything an hour before I go to sleep.

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As you start to get older, three key things start to happen.

Firstly, your memory starts to fail.

I can't remember the other two.

Telling shit jokes is also another sign.

 

No offence.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwYX52BP2Sk

 

Thinking back on how fucking good this album was the first time I heard it stoned. Some years under the belt since then. Better times than I could appreciate at the time.

First heard this on shrooms. Fucking ace night, put it on over and over again. That was 1991, at which point DSOTM was 20 years old and it seemed ancient. Looking at the album's that were released in 1998, they don't seem like they've been around as long as all that.

 

Perspective, I feel fucking old.

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Was in the changing rooms at Next and with all the mirrors I could see how gigantic my bald spot has got at the back of my Swede. Due to my thick hair face on I barely look to be balding at all but birds eye view or when wet is a totally different story. Makes it hard to know when to admit defeat and shave it all off, so got a bald mate to promise to let me know when the time comes.

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I seem to have become much more aware of the cleanliness of my toilets

Then my son hasn’t reached this stage yet.

 

He’s been in charge of cleaning the downstairs loo but he started a new job last week so I thought I’d give it a thorough once over.

 

I start to run some water and discover the sink is blocked and the water won’t drain away. Anyway I pretty much manage to sort it but decide to gently ask him about it on his return.

 

Me: How long’s the sink been blocked

 

J: Ah, ages

 

Me: Did you not think to tell anyone?

 

J: I did. I told K (his girlfriend)

 

Arrgghhhhhh! You know what I meant don’t you?

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I've lost the ability to play video games and judge which trainers look stupid and which don't. I also get distressed if I haven't had the chance to consult my wife on a clothing purchase.

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Eyebrows and ears shaved at the barber's without me even having to be asked. I also tried to work out what was going to happen first, all over grey or baldness. They're both progressing at an alarming rate.

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