The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread

[chrisbonnie]

At 36 I feel I should have plenty of spunk left in me alas the only true pleasures I get in life these days are the satisfaction of curling off a really good shit and the joy of putting on a brand spanking new pair of slippers

Slippers, no. But the shit. Oh yes. Plus anyone that has a baby will tell you that having a shit is about the only bit of time of your day you ever have to yourself.

 

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[VladimirIlyich]

Says it all when our country celebrates a failed mission that if successful would have served it well.

[manwiththestick]

Slippers, no. But the shit. Oh yes. Plus anyone that has a baby will tell you that having a shit is about the only bit of time of your day you ever have to yourself.

 

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Wait until they get to six plus and you announce that you're going to the bog and ask anyone if they need to go. No, they both say but then just as your first unholy deposit is crowning one of them is banging on the doors and stamping about on the landing because they really need to go.

[Elite]

Not remembering the last time you wore matching socks.

[VladimirIlyich]

Not remembering the last time you wore matching socks.

Here's a tip. Make sure all your pairs of socks are the same,can't go wrong.

[lifetime fan]

Not remembering the last time you wore matching socks.

Teach her to do the laundry properly.

[Elite]

Aye, she's certainly slacking.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I sprinted about 200 metres this morning, chasing after a bus for some lady from our work who'd left her bag on it, that was 2 hours ago and I still feel sick now, this could be things that make you realise you're a bone idle lazy fat bastard.

[Remmie]

Did you get it?

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Did you get it?

 

 

I couldn't even be arsed adding this part but I will, What happened was the bus pulled away, we were at the other side of the road when she noticed, it pulled up to set of traffic lights but they're normally really funny about stopping at anything but a stop so I thought fuck it I'll run to the next stop.

 

I got my head town and hit toes, it was good distance between the stops like so I didn't look back, just as I was about to cross over to get to the next stop, breathing out my arse, I noticed that Becki was walking towards work with her bag, she'd causally walked over to it whilst it was at the lights, hopped on , grabbed the bag, and walked back to work, well didn't I look a cunt.

[stringvest]

I couldn't even be arsed adding this part but I will, What happened was the bus pulled away, we were at the other side of the road when she noticed, it pulled up to set of traffic lights but they're normally really funny about stopping at anything but a stop so I thought fuck it I'll run to the next stop.

 

I got my head town and hit toes, it was good distance between the stops like so I didn't look back, just as I was about to cross over to get to the next stop, breathing out my arse, I noticed that Becki was walking towrads work with her bag, she'd causally walked over to it whilst it was at the lights, hopped on , grabbed the bag, and walked back to work, well didn't I look a cunt.

 

 

haha!  did some throw a blanket over you when you got to work Zeke?

[Ezekiel 25:17]

haha!  did some throw a blanket over you when you got to work Zeke?

 

 

I got in and someone said, 'was you just sprinting down the road then ??', I just said yeah I was, and don't ask why, because I feel sick.

[PestiRed]

Becki's quite fit then? Despite not being able to spell her own name properly

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Becki's quite fit then? Despite not being able to spell her own name properly

Well as fit as an 8 month pregnant tart gets.

[Kevin D]

Always happy to go out drinking with folks and having a few, but I no longer get drunk with people. I get drunk alone, these days.

[General Dryness]

Becki's quite fit then? Despite not being able to spell her own name properly

I wonder if she shaves her fanni.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Professor green how can he be described as anything other than absolute shite. Has civilisation ever been so packed full of absolute shite that's lauded so much. This cheeky bastard has the balls to say honey g makes a mockery of real talent when he is a carbon copy. she is basically satire of his shite. Youth you are in many ways mindfucked.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Professor green how can he be described as anything other than absolute shite. Has civilisation ever been so packed full of absolute shite that's lauded so much. This cheeky bastard has the balls to say honey g makes a mockery of real talent when he is a carbon copy. she is basically satire of his shite. Youth you are in many ways mindfucked.

 

He has a point, as do you. 

[VladimirIlyich]

Professor green how can he be described as anything other than absolute shite. Has civilisation ever been so packed full of absolute shite that's lauded so much. This cheeky bastard has the balls to say honey g makes a mockery of real talent when he is a carbon copy. she is basically satire of his shite. Youth you are in many ways mindfucked.

I have no idea what any of this means or who these people are.

[VladimirIlyich]

When you join an online bookies or casino and have to fill in your date of birth,and have to scroll down for ages before you find the year you were born.

[Bobby Hundreds]

I was on a site the other day and the starting date to scroll down from was 1860.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I was on a site the other day and the starting date to scroll down from was 1860.

 

Stringy has his own site? 

[Anny Road]

Going out tonight with a group for a meal. A curry. Great I said. What time is the table booked for? 10.30pm was the reply.

No way can I eat a full curry at 10.30pm. Means we wont get home till midnight and I'll be rolling around the bed farting and burping and eating Rennies. Means Sunday is fucked was planning early gym.

 

Rewind 20 years. Would still be eating at 4.30am

[lifetime fan]

Well as fit as an 8 month pregnant tart gets.

Got her number?

[lifetime fan]

I couldn't even be arsed adding this part but I will, What happened was the bus pulled away, we were at the other side of the road when she noticed, it pulled up to set of traffic lights but they're normally really funny about stopping at anything but a stop so I thought fuck it I'll run to the next stop.

 

I got my head town and hit toes, it was good distance between the stops like so I didn't look back, just as I was about to cross over to get to the next stop, breathing out my arse, I noticed that Becki was walking towards work with her bag, she'd causally walked over to it whilst it was at the lights, hopped on , grabbed the bag, and walked back to work, well didn't I look a cunt.

That's fucking brilliant.