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The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread


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10 hours ago, sir roger said:

Went to phone my daughter to see how her night out with her friends went and noticed she was ' last seen ' on whatsapp at 5.36am. I needed to have a sit down at even the thought of still being out at that time.

That’s horrific. 2 am is the absolute limit for me and that’s probably only birthdays or New Year’s Eve. The only reason I’m up at 5.36 am is to have yet another nocturnal piss. 

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3 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

That’s horrific. 2 am is the absolute limit for me and that’s probably only birthdays or New Year’s Eve. The only reason I’m up at 5.36 am is to have yet another nocturnal piss. 

Turns out she somehow ended up playing poker in one of the casinos in town on one of their private tables. Was £450 up at one point but ended up about £50 up eventually. She doesn't get it from me , I got cleaned out by the 11 year old nephew at Xmas.

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16 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

That’s horrific. 2 am is the absolute limit for me and that’s probably only birthdays or New Year’s Eve. The only reason I’m up at 5.36 am is to have yet another nocturnal piss. 

Seriously mate, if you're regularly having to get up in the night for a piss, get a prostrate test done. You dont have to have a finger up yer bum, they can take a blood sample.

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5 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

Seriously mate, if you're regularly having to get up in the night for a piss, get a prostrate test done. You dont have to have a finger up yer bum, they can take a blood sample.

Thanks. I had some tests and eventually a bio last year (absolutely fuckling horrific experience) and they said it was enlarged but nothing else. I might go back as its getting worse. 

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1 minute ago, Captain Willard said:

Thanks. I had some tests and eventually a bio last year (absolutely fuckling horrific experience) and they said it was enlarged but nothing else. I might go back as its getting worse. 

I know this might sound like a strange question, but are you a snorer?

 

I used to be up just about every hour for a piss. It wouldn't be so bad if I was pissing a lot, I wasn't, I just got the desperate urge to go, often.

 

I am a snorer and I also used to stop breathing a lot, so much so that Mrs HL recorded me doing it. Pretty frightening really when she played it back, so I went to the Dr's and he referred me to a sleep clinic.

 

I had tests done and it turns out I have obstructive sleep apnoea, quite badly, which requires a CPAP machine.

 

The Consultant said that I would probably start feeling better in myself as I had been getting poor quality sleep, my brain was being starved of oxygen and also my internal organs were being put under strain.

She also said that that one of the symptoms is frequent night time trips to the toilet.

 

She was right. Although I do still get up during the night which is pretty normal for a fella my age (58), it's nowhere near the frequency it was.

 

It might be worth looking into it you snore.

 

 

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18 minutes ago, sir roger said:

 

Why woukd you skip the best bit ?

You should try the bio, basically a big dildo shaped probe on the end of a long steel tube attached to a machine. Once inserted, The probe opens up like a flower to reveal a camera and little sharp scoop that carves out a section of your prostrate. Your given a local anesthetic but you are fully conscious the whole time. It’s horrific  

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6 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

I know this might sound like a strange question, but are you a snorer?

 

I used to be up just about every hour for a piss. It wouldn't be so bad if I was pissing a lot, I wasn't, I just got the desperate urge to go, often.

 

I am a snorer and I also used to stop breathing a lot, so much so that Mrs HL recorded me doing it. Pretty frightening really when she played it back, so I went to the Dr's and he referred me to a sleep clinic.

 

I had tests done and it turns out I have obstructive sleep apnoea, quite badly, which requires a CPAP machine.

 

The Consultant said that I would probably start feeling better in myself as I had been getting poor quality sleep, my brain was being starved of oxygen and also my internal organs were being put under strain.

She also said that that one of the symptoms is frequent night time trips to the toilet.

 

She was right. Although I do still get up during the night which is pretty normal for a fella my age (58), it's nowhere near the frequency it was.

 

It might be worth looking into it you snore.

 

 

Yes that’s good advice. I will look into it. Thanks

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3 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Yes that’s good advice. I will look into it. Thanks

Just be aware that if you are diagnosed with it you are legally required to inform the DVLA (if you can get through to the fuckers that is), but if you use the CPAP machine as directed then your licence won't be affected.

 

They take a bit of getting used to, but I wouldn't be without mine now.

I'm sleeping much better for it even if she does think it's like sleeping with Darth Vader.

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31 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

You should try the bio, basically a big dildo shaped probe on the end of a long steel tube attached to a machine. Once inserted, The probe opens up like a flower to reveal a camera and little sharp scoop that carves out a section of your prostrate. Your given a local anesthetic but you are fully conscious the whole time. It’s horrific  

That genuinely sounds horrific.

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1 minute ago, Elite said:

That genuinely sounds horrific.

It is. A few weeks later when you get over the whole thing and are back in the game so to speak, your little swimmers come out as black blood for a couple of occasions. Nobody warned us about this so it felt like being in some gothic horror story. 

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36 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

You should try the bio, basically a big dildo shaped probe on the end of a long steel tube attached to a machine. Once inserted, The probe opens up like a flower to reveal a camera and little sharp scoop that carves out a section of your prostrate. Your given a local anesthetic but you are fully conscious the whole time. It’s horrific  

For fucks sake mate, you could at least say don't have nightmares at the end like that cunt off crimewatch

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13 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

It is. A few weeks later when you get over the whole thing and are back in the game so to speak, your little swimmers come out as black blood for a couple of occasions. Nobody warned us about this so it felt like being in some gothic horror story. 

The finger up the bum was bad enough.

 

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2 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

You should try the bio, basically a big dildo shaped probe on the end of a long steel tube attached to a machine. Once inserted, The probe opens up like a flower to reveal a camera and little sharp scoop that carves out a section of your prostrate. Your given a local anesthetic but you are fully conscious the whole time. It’s horrific  

So which orifice does this big dildo shaped probe go in?

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My mate has asked me to go to his house on Saturday and sit off in his shed watching footy and getting completely twatted. 

 

Yet all I can think about is that it's going to cost me £25 to get home in a taxi, that I'll be up at 7am on Sunday when my son wakes up and that I'll be massively over the limit driving him to swimming. 

 

Pre kids I would have stayed out till I could barely speak, attempted to walk home and stayed in bed all Sunday., getting up occasionally for a piss and to spew up.

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6 hours ago, dockers_strike said:

Seriously mate, if you're regularly having to get up in the night for a piss, get a prostrate test done. You dont have to have a finger up yer bum, they can take a blood sample.

Just had my blood test done for prostate along with all the other annual tests I get. Have now been referred to a cardiologist ffs cos they picked something up on the ecg. All blood tests good tho'.

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34 minutes ago, CapeRed said:

Just had my blood test done for prostate along with all the other annual tests I get. Have now been referred to a cardiologist ffs cos they picked something up on the ecg. All blood tests good tho'.

All the best mate. I've had loads of tests due to latter years and all came up good. Still manage to fucking break bones though.

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