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The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread


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9 hours ago, No2 said:

I was shopping at the weekend and the lady beside me bought a cucumber. When I was 17 I worked in a fruit and veg shop and rightly assumed anyone that bought a cucumber was taking it home to ram it up their fanny. On Saturday, I think for the first time in 25 years I thought to myself that maybe she plans on cutting it up on putting it on a sandwich. That was a sad moment for me,  I preferred the idea of them ramming it up their fannies.

Same with seeing a woman putting any kind of lotion or baby oil in the trolley, its definitely getting massaged sensually into the knockers before heading beanwise to ignite the fireworks.

 

In reality it's probably going on her crusty dry feet. 

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Stood at the bar with my mate ordering a couple of pints. I mention to him that the pretty young barmaid looked strangely familiar, without missing a beat he said “You’ve probably slept with her Mum”.


There was an moment of sad dawning realization where we both slowly nodded, then an awful moment of memory bank scanning in case there was a bigger question to answer.

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On 13/01/2021 at 10:21, Colonel Kurtz said:

Once you get past 55 you live by the adage of never turn the chance to have a pee, never trust a fart and never waste an erection. 

Why do I need to wait until I am 55 for these things? 

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