The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread

[Bruce Spanner]

18 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Will a duffel coat and a hand job off a granny do?

As long as it’s not you’re own, you do you and get your rocks off.

[General Dryness]

3 hours ago, Karl_b said:

Pah, I had my flu jab weeks ago!

 

I think I'm about 18 months in to an existential mid-life crisis. I find myself wondering what I'm doing with my life, whether I've made completely the wrong career choices and am I now stuck with it because it's so hard to reverse out of when you have a mortgage and shit. I find myself thinking about mortality too much, and worrying about being old and frail. I worry that we've probably missed our chance to have kids and might regret it. I hate so many things, mostly people. I feel utterly trapped by circumstance and the mechanisms of society. I worry that this all makes me sound like a whiny bastard.

 

* Sigh *

 

Getting older man, it sucks.

Nail. Head. On it.

[Evelyn Tentions]

6 hours ago, Karl_b said:

Pah, I had my flu jab weeks ago!

 

I think I'm about 18 months in to an existential mid-life crisis. I find myself wondering what I'm doing with my life, whether I've made completely the wrong career choices and am I now stuck with it because it's so hard to reverse out of when you have a mortgage and shit. I find myself thinking about mortality too much, and worrying about being old and frail. I worry that we've probably missed our chance to have kids and might regret it. I hate so many things, mostly people. I feel utterly trapped by circumstance and the mechanisms of society. I worry that this all makes me sound like a whiny bastard.

 

* Sigh *

 

Getting older man, it sucks.

life. Don't talk to me about life........

Hello Marvin.

[tokyojoe]

On 10/12/2020 at 18:14, tokyojoe said:

Same here! Hopefully get to see my favourite nurse.

Saw my favourite nurse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sighs and dribbles down chin.....

[Rico1304]

I went for a run today and listened to an episode of The Infinite Monkey Cage on the way round.  After 20 mins I was impressed with how much I already knew about the Sun.  Then I remembered I was actually in the audience for the recording of that episode.  Fuck. 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Muted the TV because I was sure there was a strange noise coming from somewhere. Turned out to be my nose whistling as I breathed.

[stringvest]

On 13/12/2020 at 16:20, tokyojoe said:

Saw my favourite nurse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sighs and dribbles down chin.....

but she's good with the kids

[sir roger]

Had to nip to a shop at the weekend to buy some equipment and got served by a fairly attractive lady in her mid / late 20's. Didn't hear her give me the price correctly as I hadn't realised my hearing aids were on a low setting and didn't originally put enough cash on the counter and ended up doing the embarrassed shuffle to get more money out.

As I moved away from the counter I saw her reflection in a mirror and thought that 30 years ago I would be pulling girls like this in clubs whereas now I can see her saying ' aw bless ' about me to the rest of the queue.

[easytoslip]

11 hours ago, sir roger said:

Had to nip to a shop at the weekend to buy some equipment and got served by a fairly attractive lady in her mid / late 20's. Didn't hear her give me the price correctly as I hadn't realised my hearing aids were on a low setting and didn't originally put enough cash on the counter and ended up doing the embarrassed shuffle to get more money out.

As I moved away from the counter I saw her reflection in a mirror and thought that 30 years ago I would be pulling girls like this in clubs whereas now I can see her saying ' aw bless ' about me to the rest of the queue.

That's so sad. 

Know what you mean though, it's fuckin' last isn't it. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

11 hours ago, sir roger said:

Had to nip to a shop at the weekend to buy some equipment and got served by a fairly attractive lady in her mid / late 20's. Didn't hear her give me the price correctly as I hadn't realised my hearing aids were on a low setting and didn't originally put enough cash on the counter and ended up doing the embarrassed shuffle to get more money out.

As I moved away from the counter I saw her reflection in a mirror and thought that 30 years ago I would be pulling girls like this in clubs whereas now I can see her saying ' aw bless ' about me to the rest of the queue.

 

Just go home, close your eyes, and fucking rip it off. That's what us uggos have had to do regardless of age.

[littletedwest]

I know I've put this on before. But my mate was about 35, saw two girls about 20. He's looking at them and he thinks they're eyeing him up,  as he got past he heard one say "urghh that man was staring at you "

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

4 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

I know I've put this on before. But my mate was about 35, saw two girls about 20. He's looking at them and he thinks they're eyeing him up,  as he got past he heard one say "urghh that man was staring at you "

 

Heartbreaking, but also probably necessary to adjust his expectations back to reality.

[Tony Moanero]

2 hours ago, easytoslip said:

That's so sad. 

Know what you mean though, it's fuckin' last isn't it. 

“Last” rep. A phrase you don’t hear enough nowadays.

[Total Longo]

Got a call last week from the Dr's saying my over 50's NHS health check was due, i went to say "i think you have the wrong number love" before i remembered i'd actually been 50 for a month.  

[No2]

I was shopping at the weekend and the lady beside me bought a cucumber. When I was 17 I worked in a fruit and veg shop and rightly assumed anyone that bought a cucumber was taking it home to ram it up their fanny. On Saturday, I think for the first time in 25 years I thought to myself that maybe she plans on cutting it up on putting it on a sandwich. That was a sad moment for me,  I preferred the idea of them ramming it up their fannies.

[Herp McDerp]

When you catch yourself starting/posting in threads like this:

 

[Harry's Lad]

39 minutes ago, Herp McDerp said:

When you catch yourself starting/posting in threads like this:

 

I don't think you can argue with that.

I'm guilty of it admittedly. 

[mattyq]

2 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

“Last” rep. A phrase you don’t hear enough nowadays.

Haha, same here. Don't think I've heard that phrase in at least 30 years

[Section_31]

2 hours ago, Total Longo said:

Got a call last week from the Dr's saying my over 50's NHS health check was due, i went to say "i think you have the wrong number love" before i remembered i'd actually been 50 for a month.  

Do they stick their finger up your arse with that one?

[Chairman Meow]

5 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Do they stick their finger up your arse with that one?

Only if you ask nicely. 

[VladimirIlyich]

6 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Do they stick their finger up your arse with that one?

Once you turn 50 every examination involves a finger up the bum.

[Section_31]

Vlad's doctor on his way to a medical conference.

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

Vlad's doctor on his way to a medical conference.

 

 

Last time I went I just dropped my kecks and assumed the position even though I only had a head cold. The receptionist was mortified!

[Elite]

I had it done last year as part of a full medical check after I'd had covid, worst 10 seconds of my life.

 

Thank God the doctor suffered from premature ejaculation.

 

[littletedwest]

6 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Do they stick their finger up your arse with that one?

Genuine story, my best mate from the earlier story had an STD, he went to the clinic and I went with him. At the hospital (wigan) the std clinic is at the same place as the ear nose and throat clinic. He was about 20 at the time. He'd just bought a new coat for 200 quid. He was a filthy pig for ugly birds as he knew there'd be more chance for business. This wasn't his first visit.  Anyway they decided to check his prostate. He walked out the room then passed out. I ran over all I could hear was some old woman in a wigan accent saying "oooh he's collapsed" my mate came round and kept shouting "my coat, where's my coat "

He later said that the thing down your knob was fine but when they mauled near his arse he went weak legged