Nicknames

[Charles Penrose]

There's a fat man at work called Rick. I now call him Moby Rick (behind his back).

[Scott_M]

There's a fat man at work called Rick. I now call him Moby Rick (behind his back).

 

Ha.

 

I play football with a fat guy called Dave Dobby. I call him Dave Blobby.

 

I do say it to his face though. He's fat and shit & therefore gets nowhere near me on the ptitch so he can get any retaliation in.

[sir roger]

My mate had a colleague with an unpleasant but deserved nickname @ Uni with him.

 

I played for their department footy team one week and after me berating said colleague

for his desperate efforts for about 20 minutes , my mate stormed out of goal to inform me that the lad wasn't aware they called him 'Tithead'.

 

I wasn't asked again despite scoring twice .

[lifetime fan]

I never could understand why my nickname as a kid was monkey...

 

 

[Chocoholic]

A lad in school, Clinton Maher... became Clitoris Maher... became Clitoris Allsorts.

[Harry Squatter]

My cousin was a bit of a slag in school and I knew a lad who banged her. He said all the lads in school called her indesit. I said that it was a stupid name for a slag to be called after a fridge unless it was being ironic. 

 

Apparently 5 lads had a go on her at a party one after the other and bent her over an Indesit washing machine. 

[Harry Squatter]

We had a metalwork teacher in school who lost his two middle fingers in an accident and everyone called him spiderman.

[easytoslip]

There used to be some biker lad in The Cave , think it was called that?, years ago , we called him sensible finger as his name was Ian Sillitoe.

[Section_31]

@Chip Butty

[A Red]

My son has a mate called Fudge. So called because thats what you could spell with his exam results.

[YorkshireRed]

When I was a student I used to get called Zed. This was because I sensibly chose to spend all day in bed, rather than attend lectures.

 

 

[Chip Butty]

 

[Harry's Lad]

I used to work with a fella who's nose was so badly broken it was virtually flat.

We used to call him Bank Job because he looked like he was wearing a stocking mask.

[YorkshireRed]

I’ve a mate who used to get called Lama because apparently he walks like one. 

[Captain Willard]

Woman in my old office ran off with a married man with kids and once complained to the rest of us about how hard it was to to be “the trophy wife”. She’s was nothing of the sort (dumpy, mousey hair and mid 30s) so we nicknamed her the Leyland DAF trophy wife. This invariably got shortened to Leyland and years later we were still calling her that in serious management meetings. I have actually forgotten her real name.  Don’t think she ever knew. 

[cloggypop]

A Dutch bloke I know moved from one much older (like 20/30 years) woman to another. He was known in the pub as Womb Raider. 

[Mike D]

Fella in work is called The surgeon.

 

Because he’s always stitching everyone up.

[Section_31]

Hopkirk still yet to be bettered IMHO.

 

[stringvest]

On 13/09/2019 at 23:22, lifetime fan said:

I never could understand why my nickname as a kid was monkey...

 

 

I thought it was because you had a really red hairy arse

[stringvest]

 

 

I once worked with a girl who was known as The Avon Lady, as my friend Max facked her.

 

 

[lifetime fan]

30 minutes ago, stringvest said:

I thought it was because you had a really red hairy arse

That only came later. 

[Rico1304]

I was on a train last night and some school kids were talking, one mentioned ‘Bamboo’. Kid said ‘who the fuck is Bamboo?’  The reply ‘You know Paul, we went away for summer and he came back a foot taller’. 

[Fowlers God]

On 25/10/2008 at 01:33, Randy Marsh said:

Great thread!

 

One of our lads nailed some Irish bird on holiday. We'd all been through the group and he got the munter out the pack. One morning we walked in to his room at about 7.30 to see him lying on the bed, with her fast asleep next to him. He looked up and gave the thumbs up/just been shagged bragging kind of look. We pointed at his bedsheets. He then looked down the bed to see his crisp white bedsheet literally painted dark red. His face dropped, we ran out in bulk laughter. The bird was well and truely ON. She developed the nicknames jammy dodger and cherry bakewell for the next two weeks. Funny as fuck.

This actually happened to my brother- do you know my brother? His poor mates filmed it and put it on FB too. Circa 10yrs ago

[Fowlers God]

On 25/10/2008 at 15:21, Hooch said:

I was saving my mates new number into my phone but I was in a hurry (I forget why) so I just saved him as "Bob". After a while I actively started calling him Bob, and soon after the rest of our mates did too, it just stuck.

So 2 years on, because I was too lazy to type his name into me phone, he's known as Bob.

 

Random

When I was circa 18/19 we were all trying to get to sleep at the end of the night but still buzzing. That horrible period of time when some cunt in the room is snoring his head off and it's frustrating the fuck out of you. My mate Huw drew the short straw and as there was no floor space left was sat up right in my mates room trying to sleep. 
 

he was pissing me off and I said "fuck off Cuthbert" have no idea why and still to this day nearly 20yrs later he's called Cuthbert

[manwiththestick]

24 minutes ago, Fowlers God said:

When I was circa 18/19 we were all trying to get to sleep at the end of the night but still buzzing. That horrible period of time when some cunt in the room is snoring his head off and it's frustrating the fuck out of you. My mate Huw drew the short straw and as there was no floor space left was sat up right in my mates room trying to sleep. 
 

he was pissing me off and I said "fuck off Cuthbert" have no idea why and still to this day nearly 20yrs later he's called Cuthbert

Was it because both Huw and Cuthbert are Trumpton characters?