Lazy

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

got another doctors appopintment to go to today. Its getting harder to convince her im depressesed:whistle: so my new strategy is a few carefully placed pieces of chopped chilli under my ring (wedding) to rub my eyes with when im in her office.

Should work a treat, 20 minutes of burning eyeballs for another 2 weeks off:thumbup:

[RJ Fan club]

got another doctors appopintment to go to today. Its getting harder to convince her im depressesed:whistle: so my new strategy is a few carefully placed pieces of chopped chilli under my ring (wedding) to rub my eyes with when im in her office.

Should work a treat, 20 minutes of burning eyeballs for another 2 weeks off:thumbup:

 

They are often more interested in body language. Adopted a slightly defensive body position, shy almost and don't make too much eye contact. But don't ham it up too much.

 

Then lay on the sob story.

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

They are often more interested in body language. Adopted a slightly defensive body position, shy almost and don't make too much eye contact. But don't ham it up too much.

 

Then lay on the sob story.

 

Funny you say that, before my strategy for getting a long-term layoff i googled the subject of depression and found these pointers to be helpful.

 

Sadness which does not change from day to day

Crying for no apparent reason

Anxiety, worrying, irritability or tension

Disturbed sleep

Reduced appetite and change in weight

Tiredness, lethargy and lack of motivation

Loss of interest in normal activities

Forgetfulness and poor concentration

Thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness

 

worked a treat so far.

[RJ Fan club]

Funny you say that, before my strategy for getting a long-term layoff i googled the subject of depression and found these pointers to be helpful.

 

Sadness which does not change from day to day

Crying for no apparent reason

Anxiety, worrying, irritability or tension

Disturbed sleep

Reduced appetite and change in weight

Tiredness, lethargy and lack of motivation

Loss of interest in normal activities

Forgetfulness and poor concentration

Thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness

 

worked a treat so far.

 

I was signed off for 4 weeks last year due to it. Turned out to be delayed grief that brought it on.

 

The ones highlighted where what I suffered with. But also vomiting after taking a stressful phonecall. Couple of mate of mine in work who also went off on stress leave also other symptoms including blanking out. Scary shit.

 

All over it now mind, but i can get a reduced caseload etc if I want.

 

I noticed when the GP was doing a questionnaire that they were more interested in my body language and taking note on it; rather than the content of my answers. Obviously the answers where important too, but that assess you're body language.

 

Faking it is not good though chief.

[Unrighteous]

Excellent.

 

Was the same with me in Wilkinsons, I used to go to the warehouse and sit down sometimes, then when the manager clocked me I'd start walking fast, walking fast seemed to make them think you were busy, even though I was going nowhere in particular.

 

The game was up though when they did an audit and sussed out that I took on average two hours longer to do the same job as a girl called Bev (who we'd affectionately nicknamed "Fat Mess")

 

Taking two hours longer was a real feat two when you bare in mind these were only four hour shifts.

 

Once I had to work on days and it was the first time I'd been in there during opening hours, some bloke comes up to me and goes 'hey mate where are the brushheads' and I just said 'by the brushes' and walked off (quickly)

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Rico1304]

I worked in a cash and carry years ago, all the stock was stacked on pallets above the aisles. After testing everything from bog roll to crisp boxes we found that the huge packs of dog biscuits made the best beds. We'd take a few out of the middle of a pallet and bed down for an hour or two. You were invisible to everyone on the ground and if they tannoyed you it was easy to climb down and pretend to be busy.

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

I was signed off for 4 weeks last year due to it. Turned out to be delayed grief that brought it on.

 

The ones highlighted where what I suffered with. But also vomiting after taking a stressful phonecall. Couple of mate of mine in work who also went off on stress leave also other symptoms including blanking out. Scary shit.

 

All over it now mind, but i can get a reduced caseload etc if I want.

 

I noticed when the GP was doing a questionnaire that they were more interested in my body language and taking note on it; rather than the content of my answers. Obviously the answers where important too, but that assess you're body language.

 

Faking it is not good though chief.

 

She gave me the questionnaire and told me to fill it out at home! came back with the obvious answers ticked to which she replied "it seems you are depressed from these results".

My company is looking to close down in 6 months and move to india, think its fair game that i take the rest of the year off and then take the redundancy. Its a bit of a shitter having worked my butt off for 8 years doing the work of 3 people.

Think its fair game to take something back from then and givin my all. The only downside is that i have to go to a course twice a week for an hour at a time with a load of mongs.

[Harry Squatter]

My brother used to work laying railway tracks in the middle of nowhere at weekends, most of the guys would sit off in the van drinking tea and having Jimmy Floyds over the pictures in the Daily Star and Sport. One guy managed to go seven weeks without doing a tap and kipping in the van on each 8 hour shift. He only got caught when a supervisor found him to do a random drugs test.

[Stu Monty]

My brother used to work laying railway tracks in the middle of nowhere at weekends, most of the guys would sit off in the van drinking tea and having Jimmy Floyds over the pictures in the Daily Star and Sport. One guy managed to go seven weeks without doing a tap and kipping in the van on each 8 hour shift. He only got caught when a supervisor found him to do a random drugs test.

 

There are some proper lazy cunts on the railway.

[Harry Squatter]

There are some proper lazy cunts on the railway.

 

 

Especially those drivers :yes:

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I got sacked from a job once for excessive use of the internet . My boss said I was spending 5 hours of a 7 shift on it which i knew was bullshit as the was no Fucking way i was at my desk for anything like 5 hours. Anyway he said i had the second highest internet use in a building of 2000 people. I got back to my desk and told my mate, his response was "jesus christ, who could possibly be on the internet more than you !

[Unrighteous]

I got sacked from a job once for excessive use of the internet . My boss said I was spending 5 hours of a 7 shift on it which i knew was bullshit as the was no Fucking way i was at my desk for anything like 5 hours. Anyway he said i had the second highest internet use in a building of 2000 people. I got back to my desk and told my mate, his response was "jesus christ, who could possibly be on the internet more than you !

 

I thought the bolded when I read, "SECOND HIGHEST" haha...

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Being lazy is the greatest thing in the world ever, fact. If you can eak your way tgpmthrough a job doing it half assed all day then do it. You still get the same pay as the jamook breaking his balls next to you , In fact it took real effort to write a post this long.

[Stu Monty]

That's what I love about you Al: the dedication and effort you put into your laziness.

[Kopite]

I got sacked from a job once for excessive use of the internet . My boss said I was spending 5 hours of a 7 shift on it which i knew was bullshit as the was no Fucking way i was at my desk for anything like 5 hours. Anyway he said i had the second highest internet use in a building of 2000 people. I got back to my desk and told my mate, his response was "jesus christ, who could possibly be on the internet more than you !

 

Your companies Internet Server? ;)

[Unrighteous]

That's what I love about you Al: the dedication and effort you put into your laziness.

 

He is a master of the art.

[lifetime fan]

Can't be arsed to cook today so I am currently eating leftover kebab from last night.

[Anny Road]

I spent £16 for two steaks for a nice dinner. Bit of veg, cream for sauce etc.

Couldn’t be arsed. Ordered shite from take away.

[Harry Squatter]

I worked in Cambridge for 2 years and a week before I started some woman tripped over a ripped carpet and fell on a desk. She didnt break anything but kept threatening to take legal action againt the company and claimed she had PTSD.

 

The whole time I was there she never came back to work and was on full pay for 2 years. Even better because they paid staff an extra 25 per cent shift and retention allowance.

 

In this time she went to Dubai, Sri Lanka, The Maldives, New York, Las Vegas, Spain about 20 times and Paris.

 

Even after I left and came back home I kept in touch with people who said she was still off a year later.

[Harry Squatter]

My niece got pregnant to some utter waster who is 24 and has only worked 3 weeks in his life before being sacked by Costa Coffee for being late virtually every day. His entire family have never worked and even his Nan says he is an oxygen thief.

 

He sits off smoking pot all day and plays on his x box til 4am a with his mates.

 

He is such a lazy cunt that he refuses to change the baby or do anything with her apart from taking her to nursery every other week. He says to my niece that it's a woman's job. Even though he fulfills no man criteria like providing for the family or being a good role model for his daughter. He kicked off on my niece and the baby for getting up at 7.30 am on Christmas day and went back to bed.

 

My sister in law is seriously thinking of crowd funding for a hit man.

[Charles Penrose]

Around the time I joined the Police there was a local policing officer in his late fifties who worked at a small, rural station. He would get in, book on and immediately run himself a bath. He’d have a good long soak every day without fail, regardless of the jobs coming in.

 

Sometimes the more outrageously overtly lazy you are the more you get away with it. Developing a reputation that makes people just shrug their shoulders seems to protect people more than occasional laziness.

[Charles Penrose]

Same bloke but not a laziness story. He happened to be around 6ft10 tall and was present at an event where the Queen had some role. Everyone was told not to engage her in conversation. She walked down the line and said something like “You’re a big fellow aren’t you?” He didn’t even look down at her, started straight ahead and said” “I’m not supposed to talk to you”.

 

Same fella again. He sat in an interview with a mate of mine, interviewing a bloke for having sex with another bloke in a public toilet. He also happened to be a vicar. My mate asked all the questions and this Vicar wasn’t admitting a thing. In any case my mate turned to this other copper and said” “Any questions?” in case he had missed anything. In the most deadpan way possible he said: “You’re a puff (pronounced pouffe) aren’t you?” Probably the greatest interview ‘challenge’ ever.

[lifetime fan]

My niece got pregnant to some utter waster who is 24 and has only worked 3 weeks in his life before being sacked by Costa Coffee for being late virtually every day. His entire family have never worked and even his Nan says he is an oxygen thief.

 

He sits off smoking pot all day and plays on his x box til 4am a with his mates.

 

He is such a lazy cunt that he refuses to change the baby or do anything with her apart from taking her to nursery every other week. He says to my niece that it's a woman's job. Even though he fulfills no man criteria like providing for the family or being a good role model for his daughter. He kicked off on my niece and the baby for getting up at 7.30 am on Christmas day and went back to bed.

 

My sister in law is seriously thinking of crowd funding for a hit man.

 

 

Surprised you've not offered to do it for free mate.

[Harry Squatter]

Surprised you've not offered to do it for free mate.

I have but she says she doesn't want me to go to jail for doing him in.

[Captain Turdseye]

I have but she says she doesn't want me to go to jail for doing him in.

Haven’t you got a mate that could sort him out? Like end up stabbing him 18 times?