September Spiders

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just to make you all aware I have strategically placed 6 conkers around my house and have only seen 1 spider which was on the ceiling of the room we rarely go in which didn't have a conker in.

 

Oh all of you who laughed at Simon must feel like chumps now

[JohnnyH]

Well, I made it through the night. Just.

 

Your mans brother from last night was in my bedroom and he called me a fat cunt. I took a spade to him and he with his family now. Little snidey fuckers. Call me fat and thinks he can get away with it. They must have been hiding and all decided to show themselves now. No more Mr nice guy (yes, I'm aware I've killed all I've seen so far, but I did it nicely) from now on it's slow deaths. Why can't they leave me alone? Why can't we all just get alone? Read my lips, no more spiders.

[Edward.]

Conkers don't work, and the reason there are so many spiders around in your houses at the moment is that they have stopped feeding and are looking to mate. There will be a lot of males roaming carpets trying to get their legs over. There will be fucking millions of the little bastards soon.

[Tom R]

the conker thing absolutely does work.

 

Our house is a big ancient pile and we generally get one massive beastie a night or so. Since laying out conkers on the window sills and the corner of each door frame, we haven't had a single one of the fuckers for almost two weeks now.

[The 5th Benitel]

My bird is terrified of the little fuckers but we live in a top floor flat so we dont get many of them which is a shame. Mainly because chasing a girl who is scared of spiders with a spider is constantly hilarious.

[Edward.]

There is no scientific explanation for it. Just luck.

[Thants]

I've got about 6 massive beauties in my house now. Lovely creatures.

[Tom R]

There is no scientific explanation for it. Just luck.

 

There's no scientific explanation for it. It just works.

[JohnnyH]

Conkers don't work, and the reason there are so many spiders around in your houses at the moment is that they have stopped feeding and are looking to mate. There will be a lot of males roaming carpets trying to get their legs over. There will be fucking millions of the little bastards soon.

 

So you're saying I might get a ride out of this?

[Edward.]

There's no scientific explanation for it. It just works.

 

Conkers are also around at the time of year that spiders are beginning to hibernate, die, shag whatever.

 

Johnny you could get away with your Spiderman move.

[Edward.]

Anyway I'm just passing time till I can go home and open up Titty City.

[Thants]

I love spiders!

I love conkers too!

But some are saying I can't enjoy them together!

*weeps*

[Guest simon]

See if i come on here suggesting something it works.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Fuck me! I'd not seen a single spider in the house up until yesterday, and now I've seen 5 in the last 48 hours. And the last fucker who just walked across my sitting room was the size of a fucking horse. I was sitting with a mate watching the City game and this fucking monster galloped out from the under the couch. I opened the sliding door in the hope he'd piss off out as he was right beside it, as I walked across the room to get a magazine to help him on his way, the fucker chased after me. HE CHASED AFTER ME!! A bleedin' elephant gun wouldn't have detered this bastard. I wont sleep tonight for fear of any of his pals trying to rob me car or something.

 

Anyway, Mr Spider is with Jade and Michael now (assuming both Goody and Jackson were flattened by my Worlds Greatest Heavyweight Boxing Champions book and flushed down my toilet - two flushes as well I may add)

 

I believe you used the Barbie annual 2009

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

right annoying little fuckers, kept getting them on my bedroom ceiling

 

dont mind them during day but cant go to sleep knowing the cunts are there, my technique this year has been to trap em in an empty crisp packet n send em into bottom of the bin

 

You are aware that with spiders that is like throwing a stick to get rid of a dog, the spoof will believe you are engaing in arachnid play and return - you are now it's master

[Mathewbet1]

They crawl over your face whilst you are sleeping having their spidery way

[Paulie Dangerously]

They've come early this year

 

seriously doing my head in

[Thants]

They're probably getting in quick before the conkers start appearing . . .

[Crazyhorse7778]

Just saw a massive one in my hallway, called the dog and he ate it.

 

Great success.

[Thants]

I found this lovely harvestman crawling up my leg on Sunday.

 

 

And I love this pic from the net

 

[RedKnight]

My Mum called earlier and said that she'd encountered a massive spider earlier, then this thread got bumped and then a spider the size of a horse ran across my living room floor. Dispatched it to the bin, but it was huge. The cunt.

[Nebnotsew]

Opening this thread was SUCH a bad decision. Yet I always open spider threads

[Rex Banner]

Hahah this thread, what's scary about a spider? They don't chase you and their weakness is a swift whack with a thong or a glass and piece of paper for a hunstman as they are harmless. I had a hunstman living in my room for weeks when I was about 10, I named it Harry. I'm not as inclined to share a room with one these days, I just catch them in a glass and throw them outside, if it's a poisonous looking one I just smash it and there is a lot of smashing to be done when it's hot.

I was installing new insulation in my roof a while back and there were so many spiders up there it was insane, I put some bombs up there I haven't been up since.

They seem to live in places in my car as well, my side mirrors are always covered in webs but I never see them apart from when I'm washing my car I might see one to squish.

 

Snakes are what make me nervous in the summer, once you have to deal with a few tiger snakes a spider is about as scary as a puppy.

[Thants]

Yep if you're Australian you have something to worry about. In the UK? Man up!

 

The worst youll find are these.

Tarantulas on the loose in Britain - Telegraph

[melons]

Don't mind them at all, infact right now i'd welcome cob webs all over my windows. Accidentally left the hall window open last night. I counted 8 midgie bites on my lower legs arms and neck this morning. They're the fuckers.