September Spiders

[Bjornebye]

33 minutes ago, TheSire said:

What's happening? 

 

Where am I?

 

What is life?

We're all just glad your still alive mate. 

[The-Sir]

1 hour ago, TheSire said:

What's happening? 

 

Where am I?

 

What is life?

Oh I get it, you must be the evil reincarnation of me. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Am I the only one who presumed you were both the same person that couldn’t remember the password for the first account?

[VladimirIlyich]

This cunt keeps crawling all over my telly

[General Dryness]

5 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

This cunt keeps crawling all over my telly

The best episode is the one where it gets smashed to bits with a giant shoe. 

[Anubis]

And now you lay yourselves down to sleep

You pray the Lord your souls to keep…

 

Awww. Look at the little spiderlings.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Had to reach into a cupboard in the shed that had a massive spider in it. He was in a big web, sitting perfectly still, so I continued rummaging. When I looked back ten seconds later he was gone. As I looked around in paranoia, I realised he wasn't in my shed, I was in his.

[johnsusername]

One of the twats came early. Just about to get into bed and some massive fucker scuttles across the bedroom floor. Queue panic not seen since the last WW2 air raid. Under the bed - hard to move a super king size. Finally came out and nailed him.

 

Can't be arsed with another month of this. Might just kill myself. 

[TD_LFC]

They're getting bigger, at what size do you have to declare them as living in your house for census/polling purposes?

[johnsusername]

39 minutes ago, TD_LFC said:

They're getting bigger, at what size do you have to declare them as living in your house for census/polling purposes?

I think a national emergency needs declaring. Saying that, my house will be freezing this winter so they'll probably stay away once the weather turns. 

[JohnnyH]

They are getting bigger.  This twat was in my downstairs toilet. 
 

 

[TD_LFC]

I think you'll find it's there toilet.

[Bjornebye]

Got one in our spare room. Saw it earlier. I won't be going back in there until the blitz. 

[Johnlj]

57 minutes ago, JohnnyH said:

They are getting bigger.  This twat was in my downstairs toilet. 
 

 

Find a few of those with a tiny body. They are called pholcidae in latin. Think they are called daddy longlegs in English. Although it sounds weird, the fuckers Rambos those house spidsers for fun.

[Strontium]

Just found a false widow in my kitchen, Quite cool, until it bites you I suppose.

 

[chrisbonnie]

3 hours ago, Strontium said:

Just found a false widow in my kitchen, Quite cool, until it bites you I suppose.

 

 

That's what rolled up newspapers where invented for. 

 

Horrible, 8 legged fucks. 

[Strontium]

It might well be a horrible 8 legged fuck, but it eats loads of horrible 6 legged winged fucks, and they bother me more.

[Carradona]

4 hours ago, Strontium said:

Just found a false widow in my kitchen, Quite cool, until it bites you I suppose.

 

I'd be more worried about your hygiene if that's your kitchen.

[Captain Turdseye]

Haven’t had a single big bastard in our house this year. Probably down to climate change. Long May it continue. 

[Captain Willard]

4 hours ago, Strontium said:

Just found a false widow in my kitchen, Quite cool, until it bites you I suppose.

 

Where do you live ? You don’t get those in the uk surely ? 

[Strontium]

46 minutes ago, Carradona said:

I'd be more worried about your hygiene if that's your kitchen.

 

It's my back door, leading out to the yard.

 

Just now, Captain Willard said:

Where do you live ? You don’t get those in the uk surely ? 

 

You do now that the climate is warming up.

[Bjornebye]

I've been bitten twice by one of the little fuckers today. I reckon it was in my t-shirt when I put it on. Utter cunts to a man. 

[Jairzinho]

Usually I just chuck them outside. They kill flies, etc. They're essentially an ally. 

 

Just seen one on the ceiling the size of a small goat. 

 

Flattened. 

[stringvest]

43 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I've been bitten twice by one of the little fuckers today. I reckon it was in my t-shirt when I put it on. Utter cunts to a man. 

have you got special powers yet? With great power comes great responsibility like 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, stringvest said:

have you got special powers yet? With great power comes great responsibility like 

Itch Man. Here to scratch that itch. 
 

To be fair I’ve perfected that line over the years.