September Spiders

[Mendoza]

https://twitter.com/DaftLimmy/status/773999927563284480

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Just as I'm drifting off to sleep a giant spider makes a run for it across my bedroom floor towards the bottom of my bed. Now wide awake, I'm armed with one shoe and the flashlight on my phone.

 

The hunt begins.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

He was a worthy foe.

[Total Longo]

He was a worthy foe.

 

You didn't get him then?

[Babb'sBurstNad]

You didn't get him then?

 

I got him in the end; he headed into a brown shagpile rug, like the Predator receding into the jungle. I had a newfound respect for him once the end came, as I smashed him to pieces with a size 9 Vans having already blitzed him with fly killer.

 

It was a good death.

[JohnnyH]

I got him in the end; he headed into a brown shagpile rug, like the Predator receding into the jungle. I had a newfound respect for him once the end came, as I smashed him to pieces with a size 9 Vans having already blitzed him with fly killer.

 

It was a good death.

 

Oh mate.  You should really google what happens when you smash spiders to death in a rug.  Prepare for an influx of the big bastards now.

[Trumo]

Oh mate.  You should really google what happens when you smash spiders to death in a rug.  Prepare for an influx of the big bastards now.

 

Not if you nuke the house afterwards. That'll learn 'em.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Oh mate.  You should really google what happens when you smash spiders to death in a rug.  Prepare for an influx of the big bastards now.

 

I flushed him out into the no man's land of the carpet and quickly scooped him up afterwards. Either way, the battle lines are drawn now, I'm ready for the second wave.

[Anubis]

I got him in the end; he headed into a brown shagpile rug, like the Predator receding into the jungle. I had a newfound respect for him once the end came, as I smashed him to pieces with a size 9 Vans having already blitzed him with fly killer.

 

It was a good death.

You're no better than that American dentist who killed the lion. Hang your head in shame.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

You're no better than that American dentist who killed the lion. Hang your head in shame.

 

Poor, poor Cecil.

 

The original Harambe.

 

Up der wiv da angles now xxx

[Babb'sBurstNad]

You're no better than that American dentist who killed the lion. Hang your head in shame.

 

I took no pleasure in it. As I bashed its little brains out, a single tear rolled down my face.

[Total Longo]

Not if you nuke the house afterwards. That'll learn 'em.

 

It's the only way to be sure.

[ZonkoVille77]

I like Spiders. Never did anything on me (yet).

They've never robbed my house, smashed my car, knocked at my door asking me to vote for them, taken too much tax from my salary etc.

They get rid of flies which are bigger bastards. Spiders are alright.

[VladimirIlyich]

British spiders are ace because they have no poison and eat flies. Aussie spiders are about as welcome as barbed wire in a condom.

[Furmedge]

British spiders are ace because they have no poison and eat flies. Aussie spiders are about as welcome as barbed wire in a condom.

Don't give Lifetime Fan any ideas.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Haven't had any whoppers yet that haven't been in the cupboard under the stairs so we have an uneasy truce at the moment.

 

I'm usually a bit phobic of them but trying to improve as to not pass the fear onto my daughter. I just dread a situation when there is a spider and her in the same room so I have to be brave.

[JohnnyH]

I like Spiders. Never did anything on me (yet).

.

WRONG.

 

[Pidge]

Had some fucker bite me on both elbows one night a couple of weeks ago, took ages to go down and I still have marks now. Hope I rolled over and squashed the cunt.

[VladimirIlyich]

Had some fucker bite me on both elbows one night a couple of weeks ago, took ages to go down and I still have marks now. Hope I rolled over and squashed the cunt.

I'd be highly suspicious of your missus movement rather than blaming spiders.

[General Dryness]

Had some fucker bite me on both elbows one night a couple of weeks ago, took ages to go down and I still have marks now. Hope I rolled over and squashed the cunt.

Is that how you explained away those injuries then?

 

"Yeah, spider bites. Some of them have that special venom that makes the wounds look like friction burns. From a carpet. Stop laughing at me".

[johnsusername]

I got bitten a couple of months ago. Had let the new lawn grow in the garden, was quite high, so a bit of a job. Realised a few hours later I'd been bitten on the calf. Thought nothing of it. Got worse during the night - itchy and sore. Started to swell up the next day. Was walking with a limp all day and the bite lump was getting bigger. I ended up going to the walk in centre in town, I could hardly walk! Hurt whenever I put pressure on it. Was put on antibiotics. Took a few days for the swelling to go down. Nurse said it might have been a brown spider bite. Who knows. Total pain in the a*se though.

[Trumo]

Harsh on the nurse that.

[Stickman]

What a way to go.....

 

Scared stiff: Deadly erection-causing spiders found lurking in supermarket bananas !

 

A terrified family has fled their home after finding dozens of the world’s deadliest spiders, which can cause a four-hour erection followed by death, in a bunch of bananas from their local Asda supermarket.

 

The Brazilian wandering spiders burst out of a nest that was stuck on to a banana and spilled on the kitchen floor as Ashley Gamble, his partner Sophia Newcombe and their two young daughters unpacked their shopping.

 

The arachnids, also known as banana spiders, have a bite that can kill in two hours and are among the most venomous on Earth.

Its venom can also cause long and painful erections in males lasting up to four hours, followed by death. A potent toxin in the venom can also cause abdominal cramps, hypothermia, blurred vision and convulsions.

 

[Anubis]

Mercy killers. They should be used in euthanasia. If you've got to go then banana spider followed by a high class call girl is a hell of a send off.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

You're no better than that American dentist who killed the lion. Hang your head in shame.

 

 

He'd only come in for a filling.