September Spiders

[General Dryness]

13 hours ago, Anubis said:

Huntsman spiders are quite social. Once they get use to humans they’re sharing a house with they’ll happily crawl on your hand and behave like pets.

I don't care if they fetch the paper and bark at the postman, they're big fucking spiders.

 

You will not find me in Australia watching telly with one sitting on my lap.

[Chip Butty]

One ran across the living room floor last night, it had tatt's and was smoking a rollie. I averted my eyes to make sure I avoided eye contact at all times.

 

 

[Anubis]

56 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

I don't care if they fetch the paper and bark at the postman, they're big fucking spiders.

 

You will not find me in Australia watching telly with one sitting on my lap.

 

What if it had Margot Robbie on speed dial?

[Trumo]

2 hours ago, Anubis said:

 

What if it had Margot Robbie on speed dial?

 

The Wolf Spider of Wall Street.

[General Dryness]

4 hours ago, Anubis said:

 

What if it had Margot Robbie on speed dial?

Then it would be wearing a velvet collar and eating peeled flies from a silver bowl.

[Stouffer]

Just had a spider on the fireplace, it was the size of a bin lid.

 

I did the honorable thing and let the missus put it outside. 

 

Shivers.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just had an unfathomably big one in my bathroom sink in fucking November. It can fuck off 

[Strontium]

I have a sizeable one in the corner of my kitchen. The web is full of little flies and one crane fly, so it's quite welcome to be there.

[Bjornebye]

I've never known so many in the house. Since June its been nearly one a week and they have just got bigger. About a month ago we were watching a film and I looked above the TV and there was one about the size of 4 football pictures just sat there looking at us. I didn't see it crawl but it was that big I'd have seen it if it had been there long. She threw it out of course because I was hiding in the kitchen with a knife. 

 

Last week another one in the corner of the living room. She sprained her ankle in Madrid so was unable to get it so we left it there and it didn't move for a good few hours. Went to bed and left it there. Came down the next morning of course it was gone. It re-appeared the other day and she sent it packing. 

 

Another incident about 6 weeks ago, I went to get the bread out the cupboard for some toast and one of the cunts was on the packaging. 

 

I'm done with them for this year. 

[Sugar Ape]

Since when did things like this live in Britain? Burn the fucking house down.

 

 

[Bjornebye]

Already seeing them the last few weeks. Not small fuckers either. 

[Mudface]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

Already seeing them the last few weeks. Not small fuckers either. 

They're massing, getting ready to take over.

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Mudface said:

They're massing, getting ready to take over.

They can fucking have it. 

[Mudface]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

They can fucking have it. 

They'll be fucked once Arachno-21 gets spread from a Chinese fly.

[Anubis]

9 hours ago, Sugar Ape said:

Since when did things like this live in Britain? Burn the fucking house down.

 

 

Yes, Carole. It’s a house spider you thick cow. It eats the wood lice in your house. Show some fucking gratitude because it’s  clearly burned it’s way through your wood lice population.

[Trumo]

"Ooh, spiders are great because they eat all the other bugs in your house!"

 

A few questions. Why are there so many other bugs in your house? Why are there so many other bugs in general? Why are there bugs whose sole purpose seems to be to eat other bugs and multiply? Mother Nature with its £20 solution to a £10 problem right there.

[Anubis]

Shut up.

[Bobby Hundreds]

How are these pricks getting in the house. There's thousands and thousands of other houses, various obstacles all kinds of shit whilst treking the big bad world, does it suddenly stop in front of my house and say "this is the place, this is the fucking place I've been looking for". Just piss off the world is huge.

 

You could have a black carpet and a black spider will run across it and you will spot that shit in a second before backflipping from a lying position to a full crouch on the back of the settee.

 

A girl I used to work with was not arsed at all with spiders she would pick up big ones and chase the lads. She tried me once but I thought be brave act normal she will leave you alone from then on, she put it on my arm and I was like "I'm not arsed they don't bother me" but inside my head I was curled up in the corner of the shower whilst the crying game played. I had the heebeegeebees for a while after that. Mad cow I picture her as Alien and me as Ripley in alien 3 she had a pop at terrorising me couldn't harm me then fucked off to terrorise someone else.

[General Dryness]

Could always be worse lads. One word - Australia. 

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

Could always be worse lads. One word - Australia. 

You mean that in general and not just for the spiders don't you 

[General Dryness]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

You mean that in general and not just for the spiders don't you 

Yeah.

[Bobby Hundreds]

The video of the kangaroo with a guys dog in a headlock I thought fucking Australia! 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, General Dryness said:

Yeah.

 

 

 

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Bobby Hundreds said:

The video of the kangaroo with a guys dog in a headlock I thought fucking Australia! 

Brilliant that. The Kangaroos reaction when the fella cracks him 

 

 

 

[Bobby Hundreds]

Imagine having to box a 6ft bouncing rat randomly during your day. I abandoned one route to school because of a jack russell, fuck Australia.