September Spiders

[Hand Shandy]

Great tits.

[Paulie Dangerously]

 

Negged, I wish I could neg you more.

[Hand Shandy]

That's what happens when you're asleep Paulie...

[Stickman]

Negged, I wish I could neg you more.

Got to be honest it deserves it, it's horribly disgusting

[DJLJ]

These fucking cunts, walked into 3 webs today. Just fuck off!

[Trumo]

These fucking cunts, walked into 3 webs today. Just fuck off!

 

[SammyAftershave]

Here be monsters:

 

Warning! The following content is NOT WORK SAFE. Click the Show button to reveal.

[Elite]

The most worrying thing about that photo is whether or not he got the erection by looking at the spider.

[General Dryness]

 

The new Batman vs Spiderman movie looks a bit weak. Might be better once they've got the CGI in.

[Numero Veinticinco]

Cunt spiders. Cunt spider thread. Came in by accident. Won't come back. Fuck this thread. Fuck cunt spider cunts.

[Einch]

Just back from holiday. Been on a bug hunt all day. Cunts.

[Stickman]

The Bathippus spider who's jaws are bigger than it's entire body

 

[Guest Bunk]

These little bastards once they get a foot into your home spread like fucking bunnies. First noticed them about 2 years ago, it's been a battle ever since. Every little nook an cranny you can imagine, the cunts find a new home and reproduce twofold.  

 

Hate doesn't even come close. I hope they all die, mainly on fire.

 

[General Dryness]

The Bathippus spider who's jaws are bigger than it's entire body

 

Fuck giving him a bite of your apple.

[Paulie Dangerously]

These little bastards once they get a foot into your home spread like fucking bunnies. First noticed them about 2 years ago, it's been a battle ever since. Every little nook an cranny you can imagine, the cunts find a new home and reproduce twofold.  

 

Hate doesn't even come close. I hope they all die, mainly on fire.

 

 

Don't mind these ones as at least they stay in the same place.  No surprises.  

[Anubis]

The hunt to find a live one is on!

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/spider-with-a-tail-is-worse-than-we-could-have-imagined_uk_5a797a8ae4b018ad894f8e8b?utm_hp_ref=uk-tech

 

 

If you already thought spiders were terrifying to look at, wait till you hear about a newly-discovered species of arachnid that had a long tail (as well as eight legs).

The animal, called Chimerarachne, was found by a team of researchers preserved in a piece of amber from a remote rainforest in Myanmar.

 

Although this particular fossil was from the mid-Cretaceous age (around 100 million years ago) the team think the animal could still be alive today.

 

 

The team from the University of Kansas had previously predicted the existence of these creatures, but placed then in older periods around 380 million years ago. But it wasn’t until amber was bought over to China, by dealers selling it to research institutions, that they actually came across this hard evidence.

 

Paul Selden of the Paleontological Institute, said: “There’s been a lot of amber being produced from northern Myanmar and its interest stepped up about ten years ago when it was discovered this amber was mid-Cretaceous; therefore, all the insects found in it were much older than first thought.”

No living spider currently on record has a tail, but this specimen has all the hallmarks of being a spider - fangs, pedipalps and silk-producing spinnerets at its rear.

 

As well as a long flagellum (or tail), which takes their tiny body size from around 2.5 millimetres to 5.5 millimetres in length.

They think that this tail acts like an antenna: “It’s for sensing the environment. Animals that have a long whippy tail tend to have it for sensory purposes,” said Selden.

They speculate that because it was trapped in amber, it was living on tree trunks: “For a spider to have become trapped, it may well have lived under bark or in the moss at the foot of a tree.”

But they don’t know if it wove webs like today’s spiders, saying: “Spinnerets are used to produce silk but for a whole host of reasons ― to wrap eggs, to make burrows, to make sleeping hammocks or just to leave behind trails. If they live in burrows and leave, they leave a trail so they can find their way back.

“These all evolved before spiders made it up into the air and made insect traps. Spiders went up into the air when the insects went up into the air. I presume that it didn’t make webs that stretched across bushes.”

Although this fossil is ancient, Selden believes that because the spider is so small and exists so remotely, it could actually still be around today.

 

[Trumo]

You read that and see the images, and think "for fuck's sake!", and then you see this bit:

 

As well as a long flagellum (or tail), which takes their tiny body size from around 2.5 millimetres to 5.5 millimetres in length.

 

Makes them about as pointless as a T-Rex's arms.

[The Great Jacko]

Jesus H Fuckin Christ we’ve been invaded. Had a couple of big fuckers over the last month which isn’t a good sign. I’d just finished knocking one off in my study as I needed cheering up after the Fury “fight”, when I turned around and there was a big bastard curled up on the carpet. Lucky he was dead, I breathed a fuckin sigh of relief. Not sure if I stood on it without realising or one of the cats got it.

 

Opened the door to the hall and its fuckin big angry fuckin brother was outside waiting for me. This one was huge, as big as they get. Seriously enormous. I got the biggest book I could find and slammed it on the buggers head. Then, because I’m the world best husband I went and woke the Mrs to get her to check it was dead. It was and was so big it made a mess of the carpet. She also cleaned the one up in my study although she complained that the room smelt weird, a bit musky - I told her that must be spider guts cause it definitely isn’t spunk, definitely not. Read my lips - not spunk.

[Lee909]

.

[Anubis]

Opened the door to the hall and its fuckin big angry fuckin brother was outside waiting for me. This one was huge, as big as they get. Seriously enormous. I got the biggest book I could find and slammed it on the buggers head.

Earlier, there was one on the landing lower wall, heading for the floor. I left him to go about his business. Fascinating creatures.

 

Having re-read your post, I find it very disturbing. It seems to me that the spider element is a thinly veiled excuse to announce to the GF that you knocked one out while thinking about a sweaty, half-naked Tyson Fury in his cammo shorts.

[Scrump]

.

This. Love spiders and the way they eat mozzies and midges that would otherwise be enjoying a taste of Scrump blood (bloody love me them midges do)

[polymerpunkah]

Me too.

 

There's one about the size of my thumbnail taken over the porch.

 

He's hanging out there in the middle of the room, daring anything with wings to go from one side to the other.

 

Porch is fly/mosquito/wasp free.

 

If he comes into the house, he's dead of course.

 

He's a bit like a bouncer--an eight-legged Raoul Moat, if you will--you'd let him guard the door, but you wouldn't want him anywhere near your loved ones.

[Numero Veinticinco]

Yep. I was going to bump this. I hate the fuckers.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Just had a giant fucker run straight at me like it was playing chicken. I had a momentary flashback to watching Aliens as a kid and seeing the facehugger scurrying across the floor. Long story short, its brains are now embedded in my carpet.

 

Outside, I'd have let you live amigo, but you overstepped the mark.

[ZonkoVille77]

Spiders are ace.