Slapper Stories

[Wor Horse]

Brilliant.

[23_Carra_Gold]

Not a fantastic story but I was at a party last night, took this bird upstairs, done the business. Then she asked could she have a lend of my phone to ring her fella to come pick her up.

 

Sound.

[Harry Squatter]

My mate was banging some 48 year old bird who wasn't the best, my mate referred to her as "the wasp eating bulldog". He'd shagged her a few times in his house but always treated her like dirt kicking her out in the street at 4 am with no taxi money. She rang him up when me and his lodger were sitting off in his asking to come round for some action, he said no as he wasn't interested and would rather sit in watching footy. She basically begged him to come round so he said "ok only if you come round and suck off Rob and Col in my living room". She agreed after like a 5 second pause. at this point I left, even though I was on a 6 month drought I wasnt that desperate. I caught up with him on the saturday and he said that she sucked off his lodger while he sat in the chair naked before eventually agreeing to bang her over his table. He said to her that he didnt want his bed messed up by her!. Anyway, i'm in the pub and this woman's 18 year old daughter walks in and throws a pint over him and punches him in the ribs telling him off for treating her mum like shite, she threatens to get him kneecapped if he ever goes near her again - his response? - "Don't suppose you fancy a bit of mother-daughter action back at mine do you love?". He got a nice punch in the face for his troubles!

[Fugitive]

My mate looks like a more fucked version of Johnny Rotten but for some reason he's shagged about 270 (+ or - 10) women. Everyone is surpised about this but he has a talent that some men will always want - he seems to find women who are ridiculously easy and who he can manipulate for his own perverted sexual gratification.

 

He cheated on his bird who he actually loved approximately 50 times with some complete and utter slags. One time he shagged her mate while his bird was at work, however, his bird came home during a split shift when she said she would stay in work, he told her mate to hide under the bed half naked and he banged his bird in the bed he'd just fucked her mate in who was hiding under the bed. Once he'd banged his bird and she went back to work he got the "spare bird" as he called her out from under his bed and somehow managed to get her to suck him off even though he hadn't been for a shower and he'd been shagging his bird about 10 minutes previously. The stupid twat used to record all of these incidents in a diary and wondered why he got told to leave and go and live in binbag towers him when she found the diary and read it.

 

He started going out with some 19 year old bird who was half decent with big massive tits, she was quite quiet and seemed like a nice girl, however after going out with him for six months, she'd had threesomes with no less than 11 of his mates. I never actualy found out her proper name as he only ever referred to her as "Threesome bird". He got arrested for assault once and had to do community service, some fella who was painting the railings with in a park in Waterloo and started moaning about his bird doing his head in. My mate got on the blower to Threesome bird and told her to get a taxi to his, he then turned round to this random fella on his community service and said "Right, fuck this off lad, come back to mine for a threesome with this slag i know". She banged both of them and even agreed to it being filmed.

 

What a fucking hero.

[Flying Pig]

Your having a laugh?

 

Google is your friend.

 

Where are paddyberger or liverpool lad when you need them?

 

Sherry, can I put a link to our video?

[Harry Squatter]

I went out with my mate round southport and he said we could stay at this lads house who he did ju jitsu with. We all went out and the guy who we were staying with bumped into his ex bird who was out with her 17 year old daughter. I got talking to the daughter and one thing led to another, she took me outside and sucked me off in a shop doorway and was asking me to bang here there and then. I declined because the police kept going past in a van but we all ended up going back to this fellas house, we were in the living room and I was putting my hands up her skirt and groping her tits in front of her mum, her mum never batted an eyelid, i took her upstairs and smashed her everywhere, I heard loads of arguing downsatirs but didnt let it ruin my focus and carried on. I had her on all 4's taking her from behind when her mum walked in, her mum said "are you going to act like a slag all night or are you getting a taxi with me?". She upped and left saying she lived miles away and didnt want to spend the night in a random house!!! - despite me banging her after only meeting her for about 2 hours.

 

When they fucked off I went downstairs and my mate was laughing, he said that two other mates had turned up and called her mum a slag and said "your daughter is a worse slag than you, can't you hear her?, she's getting banged upstairs by a random scouse lad yet you think that is acceptable behaviour????" I DID.

[Harry Squatter]

Some bird in our work is a bad slag, she's only quite young but married to an older fella and cheats on him all the time. She went away to work for 2 nights in Doncaster with about 12 people from our place, they said she got pissed and some random fella who works in another department banged her, they said that he had talked to her for approximately seven minutes before agreeing to go back to his hotel room. He even told her to give him her knickers as a souvenier and she obliged. She regularly rings her desk saying she wont be coming in, on one occasion she rang in saying she wasnt turning up for work as she was alone in some random fellas house who had got up ealy to go to work. She had no idea where the house was and didnt know where the nearest train station was. Two lads banged her at hour christmas party, you only need to buy her a bottle of wine and her legs part for anyone.

[Adebisi]

Mighty fine thread this. I have bookmarked it and will read at a later date.

 

I don't have time to add any lengthy tales, but my run in with an Argentinian wench in Amsterdam is short and sweet. My mate and I had been off the plane about an hour when we were mooching around near the shops when these two girls started following us. Eventually we wandered into this internet cafe for a cheap bottle of water and it looked like they buggered off. As we walked out though they confronted us. Apparently they were taken back by my obvious beauty because one of them immediately asked if I wanted to "hang out" I didn't quite know what that entailed but we followed them anyway. After a while the prettier one suggested we go off alone for a little bit. I obliged and off we went down this little alley. She was soon drowning me in compliments and began rubbing my length. Despite fearing a mugging I objected not to her pulling down my pants and the guiding of my penis into her gob. She went at it like a pro and it wasn't long before my love jam was making it's way down the back of her throat. After I finished up we wandered back into town and I bought her an authentic Turkish kebab. She seemed quite pleased and eventually asked where I was staying. I gave her the name of a random hotel we passed and she said she would call by later if that was OK. "Super" I said.

 

I never did see her again. It's not that I didn't want to, but when a girl sucks you off within an hour of meeting, you're either a porn star, or you're on a one way street to an STD. Possibly both.

[melons]

Sherry, can I put a link to our video?

 

Only if i get royalties dear.

 

 

 

.

 

Quite some taste in freinds you have there.

[manwiththestick]

I was biking into work this morning and as i get into warrington i'm passing two young girls ( both fit and early twenties i'd say) wearing last nights next to nothing outside some apartments.

 

One of them flags me to stop and asks if they can use my phone to ring their mate who lives in the apartment as she's not answering the telecom thing to let them in (one had a phone with no credit). So I stop and give the girl my phone and she in turn rings said girl and she opens the door. The girl hands me my phone back and both say thanks and i go on my merry way, happy that i got a good blimp at 7am that i wasn't expecting.

 

This afternoon whilst in work i get a text from one of the girls thanking me again for helping them and asking if I wanted to meet up for a drink. I text back saying i am flattered but i'm married and also probably at least ten years older, to which see replies "it doesn't matter; i'm only after a bit of fun. wink wink" She then texts me a picture of herself "so you remember what i look like" adding that the offer still stands.

 

Slags man, why don't you ever randomly meet them when you're single?

[Paisley Red]

Get her pumped, manwiththestick. Would be rude not to.

[manwiththestick]

Get her pumped, manwiththestick. Would be rude not to.

 

The thought has been crossing my mind since about quater past three.

[odris]

Fuck that off mate, could create a lot of shit in the long run.

[manwiththestick]

Fuck that off mate, could create a lot of shit in the long run.

 

You're not wrong, i have a wife who's a belter on her day and a cracking little boy. Too much of a risk. Doesn't stop me having a good think about it though!

[Paulie Dangerously]

Nice to know you've still got it!

[Ted]

Get it fucking bummed!

[Furmedge]

Some bird in our work is a bad slag, she's only quite young but married to an older fella and cheats on him all the time. She went away to work for 2 nights in Doncaster with about 12 people from our place, they said she got pissed and some random fella who works in another department banged her, they said that he had talked to her for approximately seven minutes before agreeing to go back to his hotel room. He even told her to give him her knickers as a souvenier and she obliged. She regularly rings her desk saying she wont be coming in, on one occasion she rang in saying she wasnt turning up for work as she was alone in some random fellas house who had got up ealy to go to work. She had no idea where the house was and didnt know where the nearest train station was. Two lads banged her at hour christmas party, you only need to buy her a bottle of wine and her legs part for anyone.

 

Any jobs going in your place?

[Furmedge]

Reading manwiththestick's story there, I'm getting married in two weeks and a girl I used to work with has been telling me for the last 3 weeks I need a final fling. Stunner she is as well. As much as I tell her I don't want to (I really do but don't want it to haunt me down the line) she keeps on and sends me the dirtiest texts I've ever seen and still offering a bit of fun, even though I keep saying no.

 

When I was single? She barely muttered a word to me.

[TheBitch]

Reading manwiththestick's story there, I'm getting married in two weeks and a girl I used to work with has been telling me for the last 3 weeks I need a final fling. Stunner she is as well. As much as I tell her I don't want to (I really do but don't want it to haunt me down the line) she keeps on and sends me the dirtiest texts I've ever seen and still offering a bit of fun, even though I keep saying no.

.

 

 

To quote a good man called Ted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get it bummed.

[AL66GOLF]

Reading manwiththestick's story there, I'm getting married in two weeks and a girl I used to work with has been telling me for the last 3 weeks I need a final fling. Stunner she is as well. As much as I tell her I don't want to (I really do but don't want it to haunt me down the line) she keeps on and sends me the dirtiest texts I've ever seen and still offering a bit of fun, even though I keep saying no.

 

When I was single? She barely muttered a word to me.

 

What are you waiting for?

I promise we won't tell!

[Byrnie]

I'd have thought that Andriy Voronin would have made a contribution to this thread.

[Ted]

Reading manwiththestick's story there, I'm getting married in two weeks and a girl I used to work with has been telling me for the last 3 weeks I need a final fling. Stunner she is as well. As much as I tell her I don't want to (I really do but don't want it to haunt me down the line) she keeps on and sends me the dirtiest texts I've ever seen and still offering a bit of fun, even though I keep saying no.

 

When I was single? She barely muttered a word to me.

 

No such thing as ghosts, lad. Get it bummed!

[Andriy Voronin]

Once when I was working with my UNCLE on a buildings job we were repairing the home of TWO MODELS. Doing the windows and doing the some brick work, plastering and PAINTING. Anyway my uncle had to be on another job on a FRIDAY at the End of the week so I remained finishing the work in their house. I wanted to eat my LUNCH at two o clock so went to eat it in Kitchens. One of the MODELS came in from the shower, BALLS NAKED (she was blonde, large BREASTS) and said "oh I have no towel on" to which I replied with a SMILE. Let's just say we did sex every way every angle for four HOURS. The funny thing is my uncle returned and said "shit man you have not done much work for today." I told him all about it but he did not BELIEVE me. I went back and FINISHED work next day.

[AL66GOLF]

Once when I was working with my UNCLE on a buildings job we were repairing the home of TWO MODELS. Doing the windows and doing the some brick work, plastering and PAINTING. Anyway my uncle had to be on another job on a FRIDAY at the End of the week so I remained finishing the work in their house. I wanted to eat my LUNCH at two o clock so went to eat it in Kitchens. One of the MODELS came in from the shower, BALLS NAKED (she was blonde, large BREASTS) and said "oh I have no towel on" to which I replied with a SMILE. Let's just say we did sex every way every angle for four HOURS. The funny thing is my uncle returned and said "shit man you have not done much work for today." I told him all about it but he did not BELIEVE me. I went back and FINISHED work next day.

 

As Victor Meldrew would say. I don't BELIEVE it!

[Andriy Voronin]

As Victor Meldrew would say. I don't BELIEVE it!

 

Its TRUE man!! Funny and TROUBLE follow me like stray dogs. but good TIMES also too