Slapper Stories

[lifetime fan]

turned 29 in feb..... she turns 21 next friday....

 

swordsman me laa.

 

 

[Magic Sponge]

Bump.

[Champ]

Any reason?

[Harry Squatter]

Epic thread

[Remmie]

Any reason?

It's a bit more interesting to most than Gardening threads.

[Sugar Ape]

This lad I know was a virgin until his late 20's. Big lad, must have weighed 20 odd stone, and he was really quiet so never stood a chance with birds.

 

One of my mates was seeing this amazing bird and she said she had a friend who would sleep with anyone. She said they had just come back from Magaluf or somewhere and she had slept with a different lad every night and sucked three lads off one after the other.

 

She warned us she wasn't the best looking, but said she'd sleep with the lad who was a Virgin.

 

We set it up and there are about 6 of us in the pub when my mates bird walks in and then this thing enters after her.

 

She was fucking huge. The floor shook. People stopped talking and drinking their pints and just stared at her. The band onstage stopped singing. She looked like her makeup had been put on with a paint brush. And she was wearing a dress and a ridiculous pair of bright red high heeled shoes.

 

My mates bird pointed the Virgin out and she approached him. The first thing he says to her as she reaches him, and the whole pub was quiet so everyone could hear, " you've got really sexy shoes "

 

She turned him down. He was a virgin for about another 3 years after that.

[Champ]

Bump.

 

Any reason?

 

It's a bit more interesting to most than Gardening threads.

 

Ouch, that hurt, Rem

 

Seriously, when someone bumps a thread its not unreasonable to expect a decent story to follow. Am I wrong or am I right?

[Sugar Ape]

 

Ouch' date=' that hurt, Rem

 

Seriously, when someone bumps a thread its not unreasonable to expect a decent story to follow. Am I wrong or am I right?[/quote']

 

Wrong.

 

The reason was in a MF thread.

[Captain]

Ouch, that hurt, Rem

 

Seriously, when someone bumps a thread its not unreasonable to expect a decent story to follow. Am I wrong or am I right?

 

You're right. No sane person reads the forum back to back anymore.

[Remmie]

I pulled a girl in a club and got her back, she really liked my shirt so I shagged her and gave it to her so she could give it to her boyfriend. I still got her knickers somewhere in return. I'm not proud of this but that's how I lost my virginity. My mate was wing-manning for me so kept her friend occupied. The friend looked like a fat Oliver Khan a famous sportsman who played a sport I cannot recall now. He could have just made it a cup of tea and talked about Corrie but no he banged the horrible thing.

[Unrighteous]

I pulled a girl in a club and got her back, she really liked my shirt so I shagged her and gave it to her so she could give it to her boyfriend. I still got her knickers somewhere in return. I'm not proud of this but that's how I lost my virginity. My mate was wing-manning for me so kept her friend occupied. The friend looked like a fat Oliver Khan a famous sportsman who played a sport I cannot recall now. He could have just made it a cup of tea and talked about Corrie but no he banged the horrible thing.

 

I'm assming that Mr. Garbage Dick was an invaluable wingman in your early years, Rem.

 

Always ace to have a mate like that...

[General Dryness]

I'm assming that Mr. Garbage Dick was an invaluable wingman in your early years, Rem.

 

Always ace to have a mate like that...

 

I've been that wingman. Not Remmies, obviously. But for a variety of different mates. Fun times.

[The Special One]

This lad I know was a virgin until his late 20's. Big lad' date=' must have weighed 20 odd stone, and he was really quiet so never stood a chance with birds.

 

One of my mates was seeing this amazing bird and she said she had a friend who would sleep with anyone. She said they had just come back from Magaluf or somewhere and she had slept with a different lad every night and sucked three lads off one after the other.

 

She warned us she wasn't the best looking, but said she'd sleep with the lad who was a Virgin.

 

We set it up and there are about 6 of us in the pub when my mates bird walks in and then this thing enters after her.

 

She was fucking huge. The floor shook. People stopped talking and drinking their pints and just stared at her. The band onstage stopped singing. She looked like her makeup had been put on with a paint brush. And she was wearing a dress and a ridiculous pair of bright red high heeled shoes.

 

My mates bird pointed the Virgin out and she approached him. The first thing he says to her as she reaches him, and the whole pub was quiet so everyone could hear, " you've got really sexy shoes "

 

She turned him down. He was a virgin for about another 3 years after that.[/quote']

 

I'm at the doctor's office (as usual) and I've just gotten looks for laughing out loud at this.

[Harry Squatter]

Woman in my work has just got a top management job on a fast track promotion. When I worked with her she was one of the biggest slags going. She was having an affair with two married fellas who were both quite high up in the management chain. One of the guys from my team went round to fix a radiator for her as he used to work for British Gas. He went upstairs to fix a radiator on the landing and it was obvious that some fella was hiding in the bedroom. He waited outside the house in his car after it and saw some lad off our team leave the house. The guy who fixed the radiator shagged her about a month later.

 

She got a job inLondon and would regularly go out getting pissed with the admin staff, three admin assistants who were no older than 20 had all shagged her within a period of 3 weeks. One of my mates let it slip that he had banged her 5 years earlier, he said he went down on her but nearly spewed because her minge smelt so much. Some lad then turned round and said "what year was that?" to which he said 2004. The other guy said "thank god for that, I did her in 2001"

[Magic Sponge]

Who made Champ the forum prefect. I don't think there's anything wrong with bumping boss threads, as shown by Apes and Troys posts.

[TheBitch]

Who made Champ the forum prefect. I don't think there's anything wrong with bumping boss threads' date=' as shown by Apes and Troys posts.[/quote']

 

She's a woman. She made herself prefect.

[Trumo]

I'd be more than a bit surprised if she actually had any stories to contribute to this thread.

[RedKnight]

Who made Champ the forum prefect. I don't think there's anything wrong with bumping boss threads, as shown by Apes and Troys posts.

 

I think she confused this site with that Mumsnet site.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Has a Doctor Troy anecdote ever let us down? Always laughing at them.

[Harry Squatter]

Another one for Juan Galonso.

 

When I worked on the bar at Crosby Squash Club which is now Hearts Health Club it turned into a late night drinking den and most of Crosby and Waterloo would descend on the place. There wet only about 30 regular birds there and the majority would just be fellas 25 and upwards.

 

One bird who went was quite fit, she looked like a young Paula Abdul with bigger tits and a nicer face. She was probably the biggest slag in there, me and my mate didn't know her name but just called her Alliance & Leicester as she worked in the one on Liverpool Road. In the club there were 6 squash courts and one snooker room. One night I was looking for more pint glasses and went in there, she was getting banged on the snooker table while his mate kept trying to get involved.

 

A week later one of the bouncers took her back to his and banged her, a few weeks after the manager who looked like a Hobbit version of Billy Idol told us he'd done her in the cellar after a stay behind. One of the lads on the bar had a blow job off her at a party he went to.

 

One week she was all over some lad by the fruit machine and had his hand up her very short skirt and she was writhing around and biting his lip, my brother who was a glass collector walked up to her and asked her whether she had finished her drink which she put on top of the fruit machine. She just put two fingers up at him without stopping her passionate episode.

 

I saw her walking through Moor Lane about 4 years later with 2 kids and some geeky fat fella, must be horrible knowing half of Crosby has shagged your Missus.

[Bjornebye]

I pulled a girl in a club and got her back, she really liked my shirt so I shagged her and gave it to her so she could give it to her boyfriend. I still got her knickers somewhere in return. I'm not proud of this but that's how I lost my virginity. My mate was wing-manning for me so kept her friend occupied. The friend looked like a fat Oliver Khan a famous sportsman who played a sport I cannot recall now. He could have just made it a cup of tea and talked about Corrie but no he banged the horrible thing.

 

Hope you gave it to her gangnam style Rem

[Redder Lurtz]

I pulled a girl in a club and got her back, she really liked my shirt so I shagged her and gave it to her so she could give it to her boyfriend. I still got her knickers somewhere in return. I'm not proud of this but that's how I lost my virginity. My mate was wing-manning for me so kept her friend occupied. The friend looked like a fat Oliver Khan a famous sportsman who played a sport I cannot recall now. He could have just made it a cup of tea and talked about Corrie but no he banged the horrible thing.

 

Lordy. Oliver Khan was a fat Oliver Khan. She must have been Zeppelinesque.

[Champ]

Who made Champ the forum prefect. I don't think there's anything wrong with bumping boss threads, as shown by Apes and Troys posts.

 

She's a woman. She made herself prefect.

 

I think she confused this site with that Mumsnet site.

 

 

(I hadnt seen this til now) What is this, open season on Champ week? You arent alone, either!

 

All I asked was why the thread had been bumped when there didnt appear to be a story to follow. It was disappointment not approbation.

 

And, Trumo, if I had a Slapper story, do you think I'd be sharing it with you lot!!!!

[Trumo]

And, Trumo, if I had a Slapper story, do you think I'd be sharing it with you lot!!!!

 

Kind of my point isn't it? And anyway, I think you'll find we are a discreet bunch.

[Bjornebye]

champ does think she owns the place though

[Champ]

champ does think she owns the place though

 

How so?