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23_Carra_Gold

Slapper Stories

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Me mates 16 year old brother came into the gaff today with a huge grin on his face, dead chuffed with himself like. He comes over "Alright lads", waiting on us to ask him why he's smiling like a fat kid at easter. He goes on to tell us he picked up some random bird on the way into town, on the bus no less. Took her around the back of a fucking shopping centre, as he stuck his hand down the old school tights she stopped him and told him she prefers to do it herself, so hes there wearing the face of the bird while she has a go at herself. I let him know it wasn't anything to be dead chuffed about, if anything she probably thought you hadn't got a clue what to do. Although he showed me a pic of her on his phone, there's a 3 year age gap and a chance of prison time but...

 

Why haven't I experienced a bird poking herself behind a shopping centre while I'm lashing her tongue about. This bird is 15, imagine what a slapper she'll be in 5 years time.

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I've just done a runner from some birds house. She was ook but I could not be arsed with any repeat perforrmance and deletwed my number of the bints phone before i got off.

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I've just done a runner from some birds house. She was ook but I could not be arsed with any repeat perforrmance and deletwed my number of the bints phone before i got off.

 

Good stuff. Love that feeling when you get in after doing one in that situation. Commence eating loads then falling asleep on the sofa with shit telly on feeling like an escaped POW.

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I've just done a runner from some birds house. She was ook but I could not be arsed with any repeat perforrmance and deletwed my number of the bints phone before i got off.

 

Ha. Made me think of this:

 

5IYf42qKm5s

 

I'm up the next morning but where the hell's this

I'm trapped in a girly purple abyss

It's proving costly, she took me hostage

First thing first man, where's the Frosties?

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Ha. Made me think of this:

 

5IYf42qKm5s

 

I'm up the next morning but where the hell's this

I'm trapped in a girly purple abyss

It's proving costly, she took me hostage

First thing first man, where's the Frosties?

 

Great tune that.

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That was a bit of a crazy night last night. I only went out for a quick pint with my mate and ended up with some random birds in town. Seems I deleted the wrong number off her phone because I got a call earlier which I ignored and a text asking where I went.

 

I think I've broken my fucking finger as well and I don't know how. It's swollen to fuck and bruised pretty badly. Not my wanking hand though so not too bothered.

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You can...rather easily. Not really worth it, don't get the same sense of achievment you feel when you get the knickers off a classy bird.

 

Maybe not but desperate time call for desperate measures

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A chum of mine ended up at some girls house after a shit-load of ale last Friday.

 

After saying to him, "You can come upstairs if you want, it's a bit cold" she thereupon asked him to lick her ring-piece.

 

Classy bird.

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A chum of mine ended up at some girls house after a shit-load of ale last Friday.

 

After saying to him, "You can come upstairs if you want, it's a bit cold" she thereupon asked him to lick her ring-piece.

 

Classy bird.

 

Hope she had a wash first?

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Hope she had a wash first?

 

I doubt it, he said she had no sheets on her bed and the house was a proper mess.

 

He was really; really drunk tho'.

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I doubt it, he said she had no sheets on her bed and the house was a proper mess.

 

He was really; really drunk tho'.

 

ha, got to love how a man will note all this and still go diving.

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A chum of mine ended up at some girls house after a shit-load of ale last Friday.

 

After saying to him, "You can come upstairs if you want, it's a bit cold" she thereupon asked him to lick her ring-piece.

 

Classy bird.

 

Nothing low-class about a woman wanting some ring-action Stouff. You judgemental son of a bitch.

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I was goosing a bird from Birko for a while years ago and broke it off because she was getting a bit weird. I met her in the Krazyhouse about 6 months later and ended up going home with her. She offererd to rim me. After me spending 5 hours in the Krazyhouse sweating, she offered to rim me. Me, the man who needs a shit whenever he's in a club and has on occasion used one of his socks as toilet paper.

 

I let her as well

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Nothing low-class about a woman wanting some ring-action Stouff. You judgemental son of a bitch.

 

Old fashioned, that's me Stu.

 

I would have thought chocolate starfish lapping wouldn't even be an issue until the second date, nevermind the first five minutes.

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Me mates 16 year old brother came into the gaff today with a huge grin on his face, dead chuffed with himself like. He comes over "Alright lads", waiting on us to ask him why he's smiling like a fat kid at easter. He goes on to tell us he picked up some random bird on the way into town, on the bus no less. Took her around the back of a fucking shopping centre, as he stuck his hand down the old school tights she stopped him and told him she prefers to do it herself, so hes there wearing the face of the bird while she has a go at herself. I let him know it wasn't anything to be dead chuffed about, if anything she probably thought you hadn't got a clue what to do. Although he showed me a pic of her on his phone, there's a 3 year age gap and a chance of prison time but...

 

Why haven't I experienced a bird poking herself behind a shopping centre while I'm lashing her tongue about. This bird is 15, imagine what a slapper she'll be in 5 years time.

 

Sorry the math just isnt working for me there???

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fucked a bird in in a phone box in full view of the door of the club we just left, bouncers and que all cheering when we exited, i felt like superman :).

 

She took me home and vaguely remember her bedroom looking like a fly tip. Woke up in the morning all sorts of shit strewn around and the first thing she did was open up a pizza box that had been lying on the floor and started scoffing.

 

We definitely didnt get pizza the night before as i like it soo hot/spicy the bog roll has to go in the freezer so the box was lying at least two days.

 

I had to stiffle a puke when i saw that, i pulled on me shoes and scarpered. Dirtiest bird i'd ever shagged, literally unfortunately.

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