Slapper Stories

[Harry Squatter]

Not so much a slapper story but more of an urban myth. My brother worked in the appeals agency of the benefits agency. Some slag from Kirkdale appealed against the decision to not pay her any child benefit for her fourth child because she did not fill in the form correctly. She never named the father on the form or a prospective father that they could do a DNA test on which they would then forward into teh CSA.

 

My brother reckons that in the appeal hearing she was asked repeatedly who the father was to which she replied she had no idea. The guy heading the appeal panel said "You must have some idea who teh father is or be able to narrow it down to a 2/3 week period. The slag then replies "The reason why I have no idea is because he never took his crash helmet off whilst I had sex with him".

 

I thought that this was hilarious at the time but I've heard the same story told since then by people working in 3 different places which makes me think it is a bit of an urban myth.

 

Another one of my mates exploits was when he was in Blackpool on a stag do he was getting frustrated because he was trying to cop off with loads of birds who kept giving him the knockback. He came out of this pub on the promenade and there was some smackhead bird selling teh big issue. He offered the smackhead bird £30 to suck him off and she agreed. Her fella who was also a big issue seller was there with their dog and he had to watch his bird suck off my mate in a shop doorway to get an extra £30. Apparently he covered their dog's eyes whilst she was syphoning the python. .

[RJ Fan club]

Some lad in my work pulled this bad slag from the Grafton about 4/5 years ago when we went there straight from work one Friday. He took her back to his parents house but he said to her he didn't want to take her up to his room incase he woke up his parents so he said he'd shag her in the living room. This slag pulled up her skirt and pulled her knickers down and bent herself over the couch saying "Fuck me hard from behind then". He starts banging away and she says "when you come I want to see your face".

 

He carries on smashing her from behind then says "I'm going to come" but instead of turning her round and letting her see his face he blasts his load all up her back and in her hair then gets his Trio pass out of his pants pocket which are down by his ankles and shows this slapper. His train pass has a photo of his face on it. She went off her head as she thought he was taking the piss and he said "well you did want to see my face when I came". She wasn't impressed, got off and got a taxi at the top of his road.

 

Thats an urban myth. First heard it in about 1997. Good story tho'.

[Harry Squatter]

Thats an urban myth. First heard it in about 1997. Good story tho'.

 

I'll be having words with this lad when i get back to work on Tuesday!

[pr1tpal]

can we carry on contributing to this thread please.

 

thanks in advance

[R Kid]

Me and my mates went out on the ale over the water in New Brighton, we were in RJ's and we pulled these 2 slappers from Liscard.

 

When the place shut we went over the road to the benches that are on the prom, I was sat on one bench with my legs open getting a blow job off one and my mate was a couple of benches along shagging her mate.

 

The best thing was tho' some fella who was out on a late night bike ride fucking rode past us TWICE.

 

He went past then a couple of minutes later he come back in the opposite direction, he mustn't have believed his eyes the first time so come back just to check.

 

But it gets better yet, as my mate stood up he had blood all over the front of his top at the part that covers his belly as the bird he was goosing was on the blob, and he shagged her bare back!

[Guest The Chimp]

Anthony I'm aghast at your shenanigans (given out too much rep, will box you off when re-loaded).

[R Kid]

Anthony I'm aghast at your shenanigans (given out too much rep, will box you off when re-loaded).

 

I hold my head in shame! :whistle:

[Guest The Chimp]

I hold my head in shame! :whistle:

 

You get the clap?

 

 

"Fnarr!", "Warf! Warf!", "Tsssk Tsssk", "Chortle Chortle", "K-Woo!

[Randy Marsh]

Some corkers here

 

I've got loads, could be typing all day but I'll keep it brief.

 

Went to a Carnage piss up a few years back and brought some bird home. I was rooting her for a bit then spun her round to take it from behind. Bladderd, I launch it in to the nearest hole I can find. As I'm pumping away she starts moaning. I stopped and looked at her and she was crying, so I asked what's up. She then told me I'd threw it in the Gordon Brown, instead of potting her pink and it was hurting too much. Utterly disturbed by the tears, I pulled my kecks up and went down stairs to kip on the couch in my living room full of mates. She scarpered at sunlight in a pair of my best Nike footy shorts, never got them back either the bitch.

 

Another one, met a group of Northern Irish birds in our hotel a few years ago in Malia. All primary school teachers, and all pretty dog rough. I was at it with one of them most of the week, absolutely randy as fuck she was and the best shag I've ever had. Even asked me to plough her up her stink, giving me my brown wings.

 

Funnily enough, one of my mates was at it with the hound of the group. We walked in to his room at about 7am after he'd been at it for a few hours. She was fast asleep in his arms, and he was giving us the thumbs up and wink with a fuckin grin from ear to ear as we walked in and stood at the end of his bed. Thing is, what he didn't realise was his bed resembled the Northumberland Police cafeteria after Raoul Moat turned up unannounced armed up to the eyeballs. It was everywhere. We gave him a nod, and the instant change in his look from joy to terror was legendary. To this day, he carries the nicknames Jammy Dodger and Cherry Bakewell.

 

Oh, and I once rattled a bird up against the shutters of Birkenhead market who I'd met in a Kebab house on Argyle Street 10 minutes before.

[Whelan]

Oh, and I once rattled a bird up against the shutters of Birkenhead market who I'd met in a Kebab house on Argyle Street 10 minutes before.

 

That has to be one of the seediest things I have ever read!

 

Its the Kebab house that does it, just for my own curiosity, did she eat her kebab first?

[Furmedge]

That has to be one of the seediest things I have ever read!

 

Its the Kebab house that does it, just for my own curiosity, did she eat her kebab first?

 

Even better if she ate it during.

[Faustus]

Raw that last one, Randy lad.

[Randy Marsh]

That has to be one of the seediest things I have ever read!

 

Its the Kebab house that does it, just for my own curiosity, did she eat her kebab first?

 

Raw that last one, Randy lad.

 

Can't even remember If any food was purchased. My mate was all over her too, but I managed to prize her outside. If I remember rightly she was rough and had a fanny like the Wallasey Tunnel. And it was on a Wednesday night too.

[Faustus]

Can't even remember If any food was purchased. My mate was all over her too, but I managed to prize her outside. If I remember rightly she was rough and had a fanny like the Wallasey Tunnel. And it was on a Wednesday night too.

 

A wild Wednesday down Birkenhead? That's made the story ten times worse!

 

Repped.

[Wor Horse]

Can't even remember If any food was purchased. My mate was all over her too, but I managed to prize her outside. If I remember rightly she was rough and had a fanny like the Wallasey Tunnel. And it was on a Wednesday night too.

 

£1.40 isn't bad though is it?

[WaltonRed]

Some corkers here boys.

 

I love dirty birds.

[Whelan]

Some corkers here boys.

 

I love dirty birds.

 

Get yourself off to Peppers then!

[melons]

I love this thread, makes me feel all innocent and righteous

 

Yep, still stands.

 

I love you all, you dirty stop outs.

[Bogman]

Me and my mates went out on the ale over the water in New Brighton, we were in RJ's and we pulled these 2 slappers from Liscard.

 

When the place shut we went over the road to the benches that are on the prom, I was sat on one bench with my legs open getting a blow job off one and my mate was a couple of benches along shagging her mate.

 

The best thing was tho' some fella who was out on a late night bike ride fucking rode past us TWICE.

 

He went past then a couple of minutes later he come back in the opposite direction, he mustn't have believed his eyes the first time so come back just to check.

 

But it gets better yet, as my mate stood up he had blood all over the front of his top at the part that covers his belly as the bird he was goosing was on the blob, and he shagged her bare back!

 

 

Yeah, right.

 

The internet has alot to answer for.

[R Kid]

Yeah, right.

 

The internet has alot to answer for.

 

You must have lead a very sheltered life if you think thats BS, that really did happen, and I didn't even think it was the worse thing that would be posted.

[Joe Le Taxi]

I helped my cousin convince these birds he was 16 (he was 12 at the time) for a laugh. Anyway the party goes on and he dissapears with one of the birds for a bit while I was with her mate. He comes back 10 minutes later with a proud smile telling us he had shagged this 16 year old in the toilets and just as he finished he told her he was 12. She ended up letting him do her up the arse later that night as well...

[R Kid]

You must have lead a very sheltered life if you think thats BS, that really did happen, and I didn't even think it was the worse thing that would be posted.

 

I should also add that you abviously dont know about the girls from Liscard!

[Hooch]

Some corkers here

 

I've got loads, could be typing all day but I'll keep it brief.

 

Went to a Carnage piss up a few years back and brought some bird home. I was rooting her for a bit then spun her round to take it from behind. Bladderd, I launch it in to the nearest hole I can find. As I'm pumping away she starts moaning. I stopped and looked at her and she was crying, so I asked what's up. She then told me I'd threw it in the Gordon Brown, instead of potting her pink and it was hurting too much. Utterly disturbed by the tears, I pulled my kecks up and went down stairs to kip on the couch in my living room full of mates. She scarpered at sunlight in a pair of my best Nike footy shorts, never got them back either the bitch.

 

Another one, met a group of Northern Irish birds in our hotel a few years ago in Malia. All primary school teachers, and all pretty dog rough. I was at it with one of them most of the week, absolutely randy as fuck she was and the best shag I've ever had. Even asked me to plough her up her stink, giving me my brown wings.

 

Funnily enough, one of my mates was at it with the hound of the group. We walked in to his room at about 7am after he'd been at it for a few hours. She was fast asleep in his arms, and he was giving us the thumbs up and wink with a fuckin grin from ear to ear as we walked in and stood at the end of his bed. Thing is, what he didn't realise was his bed resembled the Northumberland Police cafeteria after Raoul Moat turned up unannounced armed up to the eyeballs. It was everywhere. We gave him a nod, and the instant change in his look from joy to terror was legendary. To this day, he carries the nicknames Jammy Dodger and Cherry Bakewell.

 

Oh, and I once rattled a bird up against the shutters of Birkenhead market who I'd met in a Kebab house on Argyle Street 10 minutes before.

 

That is superb. It also reminds me of a particular experience of my own, but I won't speak of it.

[Irishlad]

Right then, xmas day a few years ago. I'd stayed in my girlfriends mothers house the night before. On crimbo day she goes for a bath and im sitting in her room flicking thru cd's. In walks her 16 year old sister in a tight top and hot pants.

We're at on the wooden floor before i even have a chance to think about what's happening.

 

Of course there was a repeat performance on new years day. :yes:

 

To this day she still doesn't know, but im not still banging her sister or anything.

[grazywalker]

I am in Haiti at the moment and have just rattled some nurse type who tried to put 3 fingers up my hoop .She was proper up for everything .

She did mention sometihng about her boyfriend back home though loved it .