Slapper Stories

[RedKnight]

That wouldn't be fair as I'd be giving an opinion on what someone else is saying is fact. I'd say after page 2, things started getting a bit jackanory after that.

[The-Sir]

Posts 89 - 91 hurt my eyes. Who let the retards off the bus?

[Liverpool lad]

I went with this bird once who was a bit easy, only took me 3 weeks to shag her

[23_Carra_Gold]

A girl touched my willy on the dancefloor last night.

 

Result.

[lifetime fan]

Someone mentioned a place called the Pleasure Room in a thread on the *f where you could spend £20 and drink all night. I attempted to link the post but RiS'd it up.

 

Anyway, here's my slapper story.

 

We had a meat market in town called the Mauritania, all your drinks all night for £15 on a wednesday. Trouble was it was an over 35's club full of knuckle draggers looking for a scrap and fifty year old slags wanting a quick fuck round the back before their ol fella picked them up at the end of the night.

 

Me and a mate had a fair few good nights in there. We were obviously no where near 35, christ we weren't even 25 but we knew a couple of the bouncers so always had a laugh.

 

One night I was caught with me kecks around my ankles pissing in the sink in the birds bog so was told I had to leave but I could come back the next week if I went quietly.

 

Some old tart, she must have been 40 if she was a day, begged the bouncer for him to let me stay if she made sure I behaved. The bouncer was sound and let me stay in, for a while at least.

 

He eventually through me out after he found me sat in the corner fast asleep with this tart giving me head. I have no idea if she knew I was asleep or not, but I felt violated. It was great.

 

 

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/forum/ff-football-forum/86474-juan-mata.html

[RedinSweden]

No Golfy, we were DOING THE WILDE THING. (sex) :whistle:

 

Bumming a man?

[Josef Svejk]

Andriy Voronin's posts are so bizarre that I can't help thinking that they're actually posted by the real-life f**tb*ll*r...

[dirty_sanchez]

I don't really have any slapper stories as I only sleep with classy girls. However I did once shag this girl on a lads holiday who on the following three nights worked her way through three more of my mates. We all agreed that she was shit in bed, but hey, a shag's a shag.

[WaltonRed]

A mate of mine goosed some bird on a lads holiday and as soon as he came out the room he said his nob felt funny and that he'd defo caught something.

 

He has caught a dose which he found out when he went for a wee the next morning a clump, yes a clump of puss hit the pan before the wee.

 

She must of been fucking riddled.

[Faustus]

A mate of mine goosed some bird on a lads holiday and as soon as he came out the room he said his nob felt funny and that he'd defo caught something.

 

He has caught a dose which he found out when he went for a wee the next morning a clump, yes a clump of puss hit the pan before the wee.

 

She must of been fucking riddled.

 

I think I threw up a bit in my mouth reading that.

[Fugitive]

My mate pulled some bird in town a few years ago and she was a bit of a Horse but a shags a shag we thought. He got off to hers before we left and we thought no more of it until we were getting off and I realised he had my keys in his Jacket.

 

We called him up and he told us to go o some house in Anfield to get them. We got there and he opened the door with a face I'll never forget and peeping around the door are 3 Kids calling him 'Uncle Phil'. He said thye house stunk of cat piss and the kids were feral but insisted on staying until he got a shag.

 

The next day he called me up fuming. He got his shag but came away with nits. He was fucking crawling in them.

[Nomad]

A mate of mine goosed some bird on a lads holiday and as soon as he came out the room he said his nob felt funny and that he'd defo caught something.

 

He has caught a dose which he found out when he went for a wee the next morning a clump, yes a clump of puss hit the pan before the wee.

 

She must of been fucking riddled.

 

My lunch had mayo in and I feel ill now thats vile.

 

oh and by the way Andriy Voronin post are awsome its like he a 14yr old kid talking about 'the S word' for the first time.

[WaltonRed]

I only heard the tale the other day and I was nearly sick when I was told it.

 

To walk out of a room and now instantly is just rank, she must of stunk surely.

[Nomad]

I only heard the tale the other day and I was nearly sick when I was told it.

 

To walk out of a room and now instantly is just rank, she must of stunk surely.

 

Yes like a bag of skips

 

 

just incase you wernt sick enough you may be now

[WaltonRed]

Prawn Cocktail Skips at that Owen.

[TaksimRakiClub]

Andriy Voronin's posts are so bizarre that I can't help thinking that they're actually posted by the real-life f**tb*ll*r...

 

Please Andriy post some more - "the WILDE THING (sex)"

 

Fucking hell I'm in bits here - tears streaming down my face laughing

[Faustus]

A mate of mine (yes, it is a mate) met some woman from Toxteth out one night and took her back to his uni digs. Anyway, turns out she used to be homeless and claimed she'd been with 70 odd men, so in my mate's words, he thought he'd err on the side of caution and do her up the bum instead.

[23_Carra_Gold]

A mate of mine (yes, it is a mate) met some woman from Toxteth out one night and took her back to his uni digs. Anyway, turns out she used to be homeless and claimed she'd been with 70 odd men, so in my mate's words, he thought he'd err on the side of caution and do her up the bum instead.

 

Seriously?

[WaltonRed]

I'm wondering why some of us on this thread are actually 'mates' with some of the people who've been up to some woeful things.

[Faustus]

Seriously?

 

Swear down.

 

He's not too bright my mate. I could put about a million things that he's done and said in the 'world of a man' thread.

[melons]

I love this thread, makes me feel all innocent and righteous

[23_Carra_Gold]

Swear down.

 

He's not too bright my mate. I could put about a million things that he's done and said in the 'world of a man' thread.

 

Jesus Christ.

 

He almost deserves to catch AIDS for that

[odris]

I love this thread, makes me feel all innocent and righteous

 

Until you realise that somewhere out there, probably on a Cardiff f**tball forum there is a man telling stories about you Melons, nobody is safe.

[Fowlers God]

Until you realise that somewhere out there, probably on a Cardiff f**tball forum there is a man telling stories about you Melons, nobody is safe.

 

Dont you mean every F**tball forum.

[Rico1304]

A mate of mine nailed some whores in Thailand (inc a pre-op Trannie but that's another story) and on the way back his knob starting stinging. He went for a piss on the plane and it was pure puss. By the time he got back he could hardly walk and his knob was oozing constantly.

 

He phones the clinic before he'd unpacked and managed to get a cancellation appointment that afternoon. He had all the tests and had caught;

 

syphillis

gonorrhea

clamidia

NSU

 

He also had an AIDS test but that was the only thing he didn't catch. They gave him antibiotics for the does but after 2 weeks of having to wear bog-roll down his pants to catch the puss oozing out of his cock it still hadn't gone. Turns out he's got a brand new strain of gonorrhea and the only thing they could hope would shift it was a massive dose of antibiotics. The doc actually asked him if he could write up his case for a medical journal.