Martin Skrtel > Chuck Norris?

[1892-LFCWasBorn]

Shamelessly ripped from another site:

 

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

Martin Skrtel counted to infinity - several times

 

They make a Martin Skrtel toilet paper, but it wont take shit from anybody.

 

Martin Skrtel always has sex on the first date. Always.

 

Martin Skrtel has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

 

Skrtel never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Skrtel”.

 

Martin Skrtel can piss into gale force winds.

 

Martin Skrtel is the ONLY survivor from the Big Bang!

 

Martin Skrtel was the cause of the big bang.

 

Martin skrtel created the Wickes franchise

 

Hahahah... <--- Martin Skrtel make this sound when he was born!

 

When Martin Skrtel has sex with men, it is not because he is gay, but because he has ran out of women.

 

Martin Skrtel uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

 

Martin Skrtel only masturbates to pictures of Martin Skrtel.

 

Martin Skrtel was the first man to take a dump on the moon

 

Martin Skrtel CAN get breakfast in McDonalds after 10.30!

 

Martin Skrtel once challanged Lance Armstring in a "Who has more testicles" contest. Martin Skrtel won... by five.

 

Martin Skrtel can kill two stones with one bird.

 

If you can see Martin Skrtel, he can see you. If you can't see Martin Skrtel you may be only seconds away from death.

 

Martin Skrtel does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Martin Skrtel goes killing.

 

Martin Skrtel has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

 

Martin Skrtel ordered a Big Mac at KFC and gets it!

 

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Martin Skrtel. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

 

If Martin Skrtel is late, time better slow the fuck down.

 

There is no such thing as a lesbian, there are just girls who have never met Martin Skrtel.

 

God said "Let there be light", Martin Skrtel said "Say please".

 

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Martin Skrtel allows to live.

 

I heard Superman wears "Martin Skrtel" pajamas...

 

Martin Skrtel once bite a photographer... he is now known as Peter Parker aka Spiderman

 

Martin Skrtel lost his virginity before his dad.

 

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Skrtel says its beef, then it's *******-well beef.

 

A lighthouse was used in Martin Skrtel's candle light dinner!

 

Before Adidas or Nike releases a pair of boot, they go to Martin Skrtel and they ask him to test them, the best boot get a Adidas logo and the less good get a Nike logo...

 

Martin Skrtel has had sex with everyones mum.

 

Once Martin Skrtel tested a pair of boot, he said he can't even put Nike on those boot, that's how Umbro was born!

 

Martin Skrtel never think twice... he doesn't even need to think once!

 

Martin Skrtel was the first entry in the doomsday book

 

Martin Skrtel does not catch diseases, he spreads em

 

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Martin Skrtel to die before they attack.

 

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Martin Skrtel.

 

The following is a short list of things Martin Skrtel cannot do :-

 

The Mohs Scale has had to be rescaled to accomodate the hardness of Skrtel..........

 

Martin Skrtel...Once won a Connect 4 game in 3 moves.

 

Skrtel can speak Braille

 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Martin Skrtel

 

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Martin Skrtel

 

Skrtel once arm wrestled superman....the loser had to wear his Y fronts over his pants

 

Feel free to add your own...

Edited August 5, 2008 by 1892-LFCWasBorn

[Stu Monty]

The reason the thread starter hasn't posted since?

 

Chuck Norris dealt with the problem.

[Stouffer]

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling corn that sometimes it needs to lie the fuck down.

[JohnnyH]

I always get a little nervous the way we put some players up on an extremely high pedestal.

[Bob]

I always get a little nervous the way we put some players up on an extremely high pedestal.

 

what? in case Chuck Norris roundhouses them off it?

[Red Spartan]

I wonder whos chin packs more of a punch....Chuck Norris or Martin Skertel??

[dirty_sanchez]

Martin Skrtel is what Willis was talkin bout.

[JohnnyH]

what? in case Chuck Norris roundhouses them off it?

 

Well, after losing Agger for last season, I don't now want to loose Skyrtel.

[The Party Boy]

Hey 2005 called, it wants its chain email back

[BCM]

LFC Transfer Room‏ @LFCTransferRoom 52m52 minutes ago

 

 

LFC Transfer Room Retweeted Tribun Dergi

Former Liverpool centre-back Martin Skrtel was knocked out during todays Slovakia Vs Thailand friendly, which led to him swallowing his tongue. A teammate managed to get to his tongue & he is now okay. Let's hope Martin has a speedy recovery back to full health.

 

 

Scary stuff..... Get well soon Martin

[AngryOfTuebrook]

He can play on after Giroud lands on his head. He'll be alright.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

 

Fucking Nivea!

[RobbieOR]

Negging the opening post as Chuck Norris facts were one of the worst things the internet ever made viral.

[alles ist gut]

 

[Bjornebye]

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

55 minutes ago, alles ist gut said:

 

So shit he's a cult hero.

[Elite]

10 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

So shit he's a cult hero.

He wasn't shit. He was good enough for a top 7-10 team but beyond that, a liability.

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Elite said:

He wasn't shit. He was good enough for a top 7-10 team but beyond that, a liability.

So shit in other words. I exaggerate of course,but he wasnt particularly great.

[J-V]

I was gutted when we didn't cash in on him when City wanted him after his one good Season when he scored a lot of goals.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

6 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

So shit in other words. I exaggerate of course,but he wasnt particularly great.

I think it was someone on here (commenting on the way big, fast centre forwards could bully him) who called him "the assassin-faced baby".

[Paulie Dangerously]

Remember when we used to argue over which two of Lovren, Skrtel and Sahko should play? Bad times. 

[Em City]

3 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

I think it was someone on here (commenting on the way big, fast centre forwards could bully him) who called him "the assassin-faced baby".

 

That was Barney Ronay from the Guardian. Classic.