My son is such a twat

[She Knows It]

I suppose you have given him the money for his credit as well??

 

Of course, but it doesn't last 2 minutes because he uses it all ringing the house phone every time I'm in the shower or on the loo. He never tires of that 'hilarious' trick.

[AL66GOLF]

Don't despair too much, the kid obviously has great personality and gives you great material to keep us entertained.

[Dirk]

I don't think he's got the nouse for it to have been a ploy. He's not that forward-thinking, bless him.

 

I should point out as well that since I originally posted this thread, he has started boxing at Vauxhalls. I hate it. I'm hoping they go bust and the gym gets shut down. On the plus side, I've told him that his fists are now classed as lethal weeapons and if he hits his sister I'll inform the ABA and they'll revoke his licence. It seems to have done the trick thusfar.

 

The lad doesn't need to learn to think for himself when he has the "go to Mum" option.

[Markmywords]

Part 276...

 

He asked if he could go to Bromborough with his mate today. I gave him lunch money and bus fare and told him to be home by 3.

 

At 3 o'clock the phone rang. It was him to tell me they'd missed the bus and would be late. I told him not to worry, there's a bus up here every 10 minutes so just get the next one. The phone rings again 10 minutes later and he said "I missed that bus because I'd gone to phone you". I said I didn't need a bi-minutely bulletin, just get the next bus.

 

10 minutes later the phone goes again. "I've missed the next bus again". I'm getting a tad annoyed by now, and said "For God's sake, Cal. Stop ringing me, just get on the next bloody bus!". He said "I can't. I've spent all my bus fare calling you to tell you I've missed the bus. You'll have to come and pick me up".

 

He's a comedian this one - I owe you a nugget of rep for this.

 

I love the fact that you aren't too proud to call your own son a twat. I'm not quite at that stage yet as mine's a bit too young, but my dad calls me a twat all the time so I'm sure I've got it in me.

[She Knows It]

He's a comedian this one - I owe you a nugget of rep for this.

 

I love the fact that you aren't too proud to call your own son a twat. I'm not quite at that stage yet as mine's a bit too young, but my dad calls me a twat all the time so I'm sure I've got it in me.

 

I call him a twat in the most loving way imaginable. He's my little twat, and I wouldn't change a hair on his head. I'm so enormously proud of him. He's one in a million.

[Fowlers God]

RiS is gonna pull him off as his own kid at his next stand up performance.

[RedinSweden]

RiS is gonna pull him off as his own kid at his next stand up performance.

 

Can you possibly rephrase that?

[Fowlers God]

RiS is gonna pull him off as his own kid at his next stand up performance.

 

Can you possibly rephrase that?

 

Ris is going to use your offspring Ski in his next stand up performance and advise his audience that he is actually his own. He will do this in such a way he will recall your stories in his own words in a way that will make the audience laugh.

[RedinSweden]

Ris is going to use your offspring Ski in his next stand up performance and advise his audience that he is actually his own. He will do this in such a way he will recall your stories in his own words in a way that will make the audience laugh.

 

Thanks. I will not sue you now.

[Monster Masch]

Haha, great thread.

 

SKI.... By any chance did you give birth to Simon aswell?

[Guest ian garro]

Of course, but it doesn't last 2 minutes because he uses it all ringing the house phone every time I'm in the shower or on the loo. He never tires of that 'hilarious' trick.

 

That's getting done tonight in ours.

[Fowlers God]

That's getting done tonight in ours.

 

Having a shower or using the toilet?

[RedinSweden]

Having a shower or using the toilet?

 

They are not mutually exclusive you know

[bri]

well at lest the boxing will give him some discipline and an avenue to burn off all that energy.

[She Knows It]

Part 277

 

Arranging to go Trick or Treating with his best mate, Kane.

 

Him: Can I go trick or treating by Kane's tonight?

Me: Well how are you going to get there? I'm not well and I can't drive because I've taken strong painkillers. Can he come round here instead?

Him: Ok, I'll call him.

 

<phones Kane>

 

Me: So is Kane coming here now?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Good. Is his Mum going to drop him off?

Him: No, she can't, she's taken the little ones to a party.

Me: So how is he going to get up here?

Him: I told him you'll pick him up about 6.

[Dirk]

It's funny to an extent but I'm not sure you should post all this stuff. If Mum had written this about me when I was a kid, I'd have been absolutely gutted.

[odris]

Not so much a twat, more of an evil genius.

[Joe Le Taxi]

SKI give him a hug from us all.

[She Knows It]

It's funny to an extent but I'm not sure you should post all this stuff. If Mum had written this about me when I was a kid, I'd have been absolutely gutted.

 

Oh, do behave yourself. This is the lad who takes great pride in the fact that his nickname is "Dickhead" in school.

[Joe Le Taxi]

Give him two hugs.

[Indian Red]

Hahaha what an awesome kid

[She Knows It]

#37,826

 

Him: Whoa!!! What's going on with your hair??

Me: What do you mean?

Him: Well it's like, dead short on one side and long on the other!

Me: That's how it's supposed to be.

Him: Well it looks stupid. When did you get that done??

Me: Six months ago.

Him: Get lost.

Me: It was six months ago.

Him: Mad. I never noticed!

[Fugitive]

#37,826

 

Him: Whoa!!! What's going on with your hair??

Me: What do you mean?

Him: Well it's like, dead short on one side and long on the other!

Me: That's how it's supposed to be.

Him: Well it looks stupid. When did you get that done??

Me: Six months ago.

Him: Get lost.

Me: It was six months ago.

Him: Mad. I never noticed!

 

Good lad.

[Pidge]

This is one brilliant kid. The OP reminds me of a time when a mate and I roadtested a pair of those foam Hulk hands on each others foreheads before a night out. It started out well until he put me on my arse. My next effort gave him some grief and put him down as well. We were 21 at the time...

 

Another mates stag do was put on hiatus half way through the night when a piece of dancefloor stuntwork ended with his foot around my face. Twice (because we tried it again naturally). 25 years old.

 

Basically the moral is, he's not going to grow out of it any time soon. Enjoy it and save the stories. The time I broke my ankle jumping from an MPV after an impromptu performance of "Don't Stop Believin'" (pre-glee) has come back too embarrass me on many an occasion.

[Malarkey]

Hulk hands are the best invention ever.