One night stands

[littletedwest]

Nah she was from Leigh. She told me to finger her arse then demanded I put it in her mouth. I fantasised about Mary Whitehouse breaking the door down and spraying her with a Tommy Gun.

I live in leigh pal. Give us a name

[Section_31]

I live in leigh pal. Give us a name

 

Her name was 'Jenna' (honestly) but I never got her last name. She had a kid though if that narrows it down. And three toes.

[Code]

Her name was 'Jenna' (honestly) but I never got her last name. She had a kid though if that narrows it down. And three toes.

 

Was one a camel toe?

[Juniper]

Mentioned this a while back.

 

Was shagging a stable girl for a short period, during one night of early frolicking she demanded that I put two brand new (un-splintered) drumsticks up her entry hole, of which were purchased earlier in the day in Warrington (not sure how that's relevant but there you go)

 

Used those drumsticks a few hours later at a gig after forgetting to wipe them down and couldn't shake her smell throughout.

 

(Nearly) dropped a beat or two that gig as the sweatier my hands got the more the set went on, the more the smell intensified. Wasn't a pleasant smell, she probably needed to improve her diet on reflection, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time.

 

Remember rushing off stage and washing my hands though.

 

Never again. Never mix business with pleasure.

[Dan Vito Corleone]

 She had a kid though if that narrows it down. And three toes.

Unfortunately in Leigh that just adds to the list as opposed to anything else!

[Adebisi]

This girl is one of the bosses in our place yet is still a massive slag. She was out in July with some people from work, some lad decides to start dancing with her on the dance floor and sticks two fingers ip her skirt. Any normal girl would have punched him or put in a complaint but she let him do it without flinching. Both are married and got told by their boss that they were a "disgrace". They then get a taxi back to his mates flat so they can arty on where they left off, the taxi driver is the husband of some bird who sits opposite me, said that this bird took her knickers off in the taxi and the lad was fisting her. He dropped them off at some moody flat in Walton. Her husband must be so proud of her.

During my first year and uni I got dragged to some bollocks freshers thing. I made a mate who didn't attend the uni come with me because I knew it'd be chart music and I'd probably be a miserable scrote all night. It was shitter than I imagined and ended up losing my mate but met these girls. One of them took a liking to me and I started dancing with her and cracking on. Me being a bit of a rogue at the time I went and stuck my hands up her skirts, pulled her panties to aside and give her a finger fucking right by the DJ both. 

 

I was feeling please with myself and told her I was going for a piss and I'd be right back. As I was coming out the toilet I got dragged back in by some mates I didn't even realise were there and they offered me some Devil's dandruff. I only had a key, but kept look out while they whiffed a few lines. After that I made my way back to where I last saw her and see my mate from behind going to work on some girl. I wander over to give him a 'get in there mate' slap on the back when I notice it was only the same girl I was finger banging 10 minutes earlier. 

 

When she saw me she removed her lips from his and gave me a kiss and then grabbed us both by the hands and led us upstairs. My mate was confused and asking where we were going and was asking what I was doing with them. I broke the news to him while she went for a piss and we were debating who had a go on her. almost became an argument until she returned and suggested we roast her round the back. He was worryingly eager, but I wasn't anywhere near fucked enough for that business. I told him he could have her but for reasons he still wont reveal we both went home empty-handed. We passed her in the taxi outside a pizza shop where 4 lads with identical haircuts were fighting amongst themselves over her. 

 

Fair play to the lass. Probably got more action in one night than some would in a year. 

[Pureblood]

Mentioned this a while back. Was shagging a stable girl for a short period, during one night of early frolicking she demanded that I put two brand new (un-splintered) drumsticks up her entry hole, of which were purchased earlier in the day in Warrington (not sure how that's relevant but there you go) Used those drumsticks a few hours later at a gig after forgetting to wipe them down and couldn't shake her smell throughout. (Nearly) dropped a beat or two that gig as the sweatier my hands got the more the set went on, the more the smell intensified. Wasn't a pleasant smell, she probably needed to improve her diet on reflection, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. Remember rushing off stage and washing my hands though. Never again. Never mix business with pleasure.

 

Did you practice rudiments on her twat? 

[Juniper]

Did you practice rudiments on her twat?

Just singles

[General Dryness]

Just singles

 

Should have paradiddled the fuck out of her.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

More Coxmen here than at Henley Regatta.

 

The accounts of swordplay would make Erroll Flynn blush.

[TheHowieLama]

Flam.

[Pureblood]

Flange flam.

 

(rim shot)

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

This thread has brought back memories of my days as a male Escort, I'm sorry to say I regularly overcharged ladies for a Portuguese Breakfast

[General Dryness]

This thread has brought back memories of my days as a male Escort, I'm sorry to say I regularly overcharged ladies for a Portuguese Breakfast

 

I just looked that up. Be grateful it was never served with blue waffles.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

I just looked that up. Be grateful it was never served with blue waffles.

I was noted for my Cincinatti Bow Tie. It was the shit.

[FanchesterCity]

Boston Pancakes seem to have gone off the menu

[Fowlers God]

I got propositioned by a 20 year old, with a see through top (massive norks) a size 8 body on Sat.

 

I turned it down as I am a married man. Life fucking hurts sometimes.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

I got propositioned by a 20 year old, with a see through top (massive norks) a size 8 body on Sat.

 

I turned it down as I am a married man. Life fucking hurts sometimes.

Not sure whether to rep or neg that. I don't neg very often, but passing that up is neg worthy. Unfortunately, I place a lot of value on loyalty. So that's a rep. As long as you have a sly wank about the 20 year old, enorkmous titted bird, I suppose I won't tut too hard.

[FanchesterCity]

I went down that road once.... ended up putting the girl's number in my phone and the wife found it.

Thankfully I managed to blag my way out of it and say 'Charlotte' was the name of a horse I'd placed a bet on.

 

All was well for a couple of days, until I woke up one morning clattered by a frying pan around the head...

 

I had no clue what I'd done until the wife said "by the way... your horse rang"

[Paulie Dangerously]

Had some mad ones in my Krazyhouse yoof including shagging a bird on the K1 floor by the DJ box on a crowded Saturday night. Good times. Now I struggle if I think the dog is watching

[Fowlers God]

Not sure whether to rep or neg that. I don't neg very often, but passing that up is neg worthy. Unfortunately, I place a lot of value on loyalty. So that's a rep. As long as you have a sly wank about the 20 year old, enorkmous titted bird, I suppose I won't tut too hard.

It hurt when she came, sat on my lap and asked me if I had a GF. She basicly shit herself when I said a wife and 3 kids.

[stevebaby]

I went down that road once.... ended up putting the girl's number in my phone and the wife found it.

Thankfully I managed to blag my way out of it and say 'Charlotte' was the name of a horse I'd placed a bet on.

 

All was well for a couple of days, until I woke up one morning clattered by a frying pan around the head...

 

I had no clue what I'd done until the wife said "by the way... your horse rang"

Did the horse at least win?

[stringvest]

he gave her what's known in the game as a sheepskin noseband.

[AL66GOLF]

I went down that road once.... ended up putting the girl's number in my phone and the wife found it.

Thankfully I managed to blag my way out of it and say 'Charlotte' was the name of a horse I'd placed a bet on.

 

All was well for a couple of days, until I woke up one morning clattered by a frying pan around the head...

 

I had no clue what I'd done until the wife said "by the way... your horse rang"

An old one but I still laughed out loud.

[Code]

One night stands can be risky business, especially if one part is cheating on someone.

 

Two days ago a guy was beaten to death with a bottle in the early hours by his neighbour when the neighbour caught him in bed with his girlfriend.

 

This happened just  15 minutes away from where I grew up as well, scary shit.