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Harry Squatter
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some dirty fuckers in here.

also i cant understand why you english like anal so much? what the fuck. shits disgusting.

Because it's a bit taboo, it's tighter and it's in a woman. It's a novelty that not all have managed and feels like an achievement if you managed to talk a bird into it.

 

Personally I can take it or leave it, but I was definitely intrigued in getting my brown wings.

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.

 

This is probably the strangest question I'm going to ask anybody this year, but do you smell of fish?

 

I ask that because when I saw your name, that was my immediate thought (it might be your actual name, and I'm not trying to take the piss if so).

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Not really about a 1 night stand, but just got off the phone with my dad and I've got to tell you this, cos it's a beaut.

 

My adopted step-brother, our Chris has been seeing this fucking fat hewwer for just over a year, anyway, about 10 months ago he'd had enough of the slovenly cunt and decided to give her the boot.

 

Good choice, but a few days later the slags all over that fucking Facebook shite telling any cunt who gives a fuck that she's up the duff and our Chris's the dad !

 

Fucking idiot only slotted her without a johnny. But our Chris is a decent lad, albeit a right thick cunt, so he gets back with her, they get a place and they're all loved up.

 

I saw the two of them at my owld fellas birthday party last month, and he's buzzing about shortly being a dad, but that fat cunt seemed a bit disinterested. She even came outside later on while I was talking to my step sister, and she was chugging away on a Stella and sucking away on a tab. I told her it wasn't doing the baby any good but she just blanked me.

 

So, the baby was due on the 27th October, but they went to the hozzy today to have her induced cos she still hasn't had the bairn.

 

They get there and she chases our Chris off to work and tells him she'll give him a buzz when she starts on with her contractions.

 

Dinner time and our Chris drops into my dad's and step-mam's and phones the hospital to see if she's any further on.

 

The hospital haven't even heard of her !

 

He's head is spinning and he's a bit dim at the best of times, so my step mother phones the hospital back, surely some mistake ? Nope. The hospital haven't even heard of her, no trace, nowt...and she certainly wasn't booked in for an inducement or delivery. The fat lying cunt was never even pregnant in the first place !

 

After a few hours of trying, my step sister managed to get hold of her via her moby; the fat cunt says the baby has "died" inside of her, and she fled from the hospital, she's currently "hiding in some bushes" and considering topping herself ! Jermey Kyle, are you watching ?

 

The heartless scrubber has fled to her poor dads house, and that poor sod is doing what all mourning parents do - pouring his spasticated soul out to complete strangers on fucking Facebook ! She's told him the same pack of lies and he's been taken in...for now at least.

 

However, my step sister has gone round and had a barney with the fat cunts own sister, but she also made her phone the hospital herself to find out the truth. So now her family is in the know too.

 

Our Chris is apparently heartbroken (as you might imagine), and he's gone on a wrecking spree in their house. The poor kid has spent a small fortune on baby gear and done the spare room up etc.

 

Told my owld fella that in a couple of days time, our Chris will be counting his lucky stars that that fat cunt is out of his life.

 

Bullet = dodged.

 

Lower than a fucking snakes belly.

 

what a lovely romatic tale:wow:

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  • 9 months later...
Long time ago before I was married me & a mate copped off with 2 girls from Widnes & ended up getting a cab back to one of their houses ( after a discussion about the gains involved versus the cab fare involved ). Once settled , my mate went upstairs with his girl & I got involved on the downstairs couch with mine.

 

About 2 hours later I was awoken from a doze ( after a massively impressive performance obviously ) by my mate looking a bit shaken & saying we needed to get off.

 

As we cleared off he let me know the problem. He said they laid down on the bed & everything had being going fine & then the girl had then stood up by the side of the bed & started a striptease. He sat back for the performance as the shoes came off , the blouse came off , the bra came off , the trousers came off , a bit of fumbling and then her right leg came off.

 

He hadn't a clue what to do & she hadn't mentioned having a prosthetic limb. She gets back on the bed as if it was the most usual thing in the world. He'd lost the urge but not wanting her to think he was a bastard , he did the dirty deed & then again before she had finally fallen asleep.

 

We got a cab & he sat almost catatonic in the back , his only utterance being

' I thought she was a shit dancer '.

 

To add insult to injury our pooled money only got us to town & we had to walk to Walton & Croxteth respectively.

 

 

 

Ahahahahahaha

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I remember loads of useles stuff (cadbury creme egg barcode)

 

 

Now, where did you post that previously? (little challenge for you there ;))

 

Geek thread.

 

6 mins. Not bad! (I think you're probably right....not that long ago? Which maybe puts my female credentials under the spotlight))

 

When's your Dad's birthday? ;)

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  • 11 months later...

Pulled this lass last week. She had a body like Christina Hendricks (and least I thought she did until she took the corset off) but the face wasn't too great. She wouldn't let me go back to hers and it was £15 taxi back to mine and I wasn't having that so after some persuasion I said we'd do the deed on my mate's sofa. She refused initially but after some cheap rose I'd strategically stashed in a bush, she was up for it. 

During the walk home all she talked about was how she was gonna eat me up, give me the best blow job of my life and that she moaned like a pornstar. When we got in, there was no messing about, she couldn't get my pants down fast enough and true to her word she gave me a blowjob that was indeed one of the best, she even insisted I throat fucked her. Very good so far. After that she wanted me to return the favour, I obliged, mainly because it had been a while. She was a moaner and very eager to push my face deep inside her and even told me to lick her ass. Again, I obliged (It had been 2 months since I'd gotten some and I had a lot of things I wanted to get out of my system, wouldn't normally go down on a lass as dirty as this) 

After that it was time for the main event. This is where she took the corset off properly and her belly flopped out. It was.. off putting but I soldiered on. While doing her from behind she demanded I stuck a thumb up her arse, a trick I usually go for if I'm mashed enough, but I'm not used to been told to do it. I had to tell her to shut up a bit because I was worried my mate's housemates would wonder down to see what all the commotion was. Before I could shoot my beans she told me to rub her fanny and after about 5 seconds it was if someone had thrown a bucket of water over me and the sofa. It was genuinely sodden. She then fell asleep in her mess and snored her head off for about 40 minutes before waking up, asking me where the pisser was and then complained about it been freezing and asked me to phone her a taxi. Off she fucked, but before she went she told me I have a pretty cock (which is a nice compliment when you think about it) and gave me her number. 

Haven't bothered getting in touch yet, but I'm entertaining the thought. Luckily my mate and his housemates don't use the front room and so no one has seemingly discovered the spillage. I should be happy after one of the filthiest shags ever, but because I didn't do the business it feels like it doesn't count. 

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Pulled this lass last week. She had a body like Christina Hendricks (and least I thought she did until she took the corset off) but the face wasn't too great. She wouldn't let me go back to hers and it was £15 taxi back to mine and I wasn't having that so after some persuasion I said we'd do the deed on my mate's sofa. She refused initially but after some cheap rose I'd strategically stashed in a bush, she was up for it. 

 

During the walk home all she talked about was how she was gonna eat me up, give me the best blow job of my life and that she moaned like a pornstar. When we got in, there was no messing about, she couldn't get my pants down fast enough and true to her word she gave me a blowjob that was indeed one of the best, she even insisted I throat fucked her. Very good so far. After that she wanted me to return the favour, I obliged, mainly because it had been a while. She was a moaner and very eager to push my face deep inside her and even told me to lick her ass. Again, I obliged (It had been 2 months since I'd gotten some and I had a lot of things I wanted to get out of my system, wouldn't normally go down on a lass as dirty as this) 

 

After that it was time for the main event. This is where she took the corset off properly and her belly flopped out. It was.. off putting but I soldiered on. While doing her from behind she demanded I stuck a thumb up her arse, a trick I usually go for if I'm mashed enough, but I'm not used to been told to do it. I had to tell her to shut up a bit because I was worried my mate's housemates would wonder down to see what all the commotion was. Before I could shoot my beans she told me to rub her fanny and after about 5 seconds it was if someone had thrown a bucket of water over me and the sofa. It was genuinely sodden. She then fell asleep in her mess and snored her head off for about 40 minutes before waking up, asking me where the pisser was and then complained about it been freezing and asked me to phone her a taxi. Off she fucked, but before she went she told me I have a pretty cock (which is a nice compliment when you think about it) and gave me her number. 

 

Haven't bothered getting in touch yet, but I'm entertaining the thought. Luckily my mate and his housemates don't use the front room and so no one has seemingly discovered the spillage. I should be happy after one of the filthiest shags ever, but because I didn't do the business it feels like it doesn't count. 

 

If I ever had a one night stand and the bird fell asleep after cumin before I had shot my load then I would (and have) knock one out into her hair. It's the rules. Then in that situation i'd ring a cab, fuck off then ring your mate up and tell him you dropped a girl off in a taxi and let her in as she was a) lost and b) said she knew you guys.... let her (and your mate) talk their ways out of that. 

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If I ever had a one night stand and the bird fell asleep after cumin before I had shot my load then I would (and have) knock one out into her hair. It's the rules. Then in that situation i'd ring a cab, fuck off then ring your mate up and tell him you dropped a girl off in a taxi and let her in as she was a) lost and B) said she knew you guys.... let her (and your mate) talk their ways out of that. 

 

Could always let the dag have a go.

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