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Talking to some bullshit artist in work in the pub before, reckons he went back to some birds on the wirral last night and shagged her, he woke up at 8 and had no money and no idea where he was but still made it into work today by bunking on the train. He reckons he's on 99 women and only knows about ten of their names. He also reckons that shagging fat birds are the best as they bring you a cooked breakfast in the morning before you fuck off.

 

I've had a few random ones, having to get taxis back from places that I never even knew existed and never seen any of the birds ever again. Anyone got an stories of random or weird one night stands?

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Talking to some bullshit artist in work in the pub before, reckons he went back to some birds on the wirral last night and shagged her, he woke up at 8 and had no money and no idea where he was but still made it into work today by bunking on the train. He reckons he's on 99 women and only knows about ten of their names. He also reckons that shagging fat birds are the best as they bring you a cooked breakfast in the morning before you fuck off.

 

I've had a few random ones, having to get taxis back from places that I never even knew existed and never seen any of the birds ever again. Anyone got an stories of random or weird one night stands?

 

Im proud to say that I have never in my life gone to bed with an ugly woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I have woken up with a few....let`s say slightly unnattractive women :whistle:

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Guest PaddyBerger15
I plead guilty.

 

So do I and I also ask the Court to take plenty of other offences into consideration.

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There was a 70s night at Uni and I went off to some rough birds and got a sweaty titwank. Did the walk back in Green Hilfiger chords and a ladies 70s shirt with about 4 buttons undone at the top. Nicked a Wallace and Gromit Fridge Magnet

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I think that more respect needs to be shown to the ladies in question, and that their thoughts, feelings and emotions need to be taken into account.

 

Actually that's shite, I was an utter hedonistic slag when younger, but I'm not proud of it; I suppose having kids made me realise that:

 

1. I wouldn't want them to go around like I was fucking all and sundry, and

2. I wouldn't want them to meet someone who is like I used to be.

 

Being a parent gives me the right to be hypocritical.

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Talking to some bullshit artist in work in the pub before, reckons he went back to some birds on the wirral last night and shagged her, he woke up at 8 and had no money and no idea where he was but still made it into work today by bunking on the train. He reckons he's on 99 women and only knows about ten of their names. He also reckons that shagging fat birds are the best as they bring you a cooked breakfast in the morning before you fuck off.

 

I've had a few random ones, having to get taxis back from places that I never even knew existed and never seen any of the birds ever again. Anyone got an stories of random or weird one night stands?

 

Nah nowt extraordinary, trumped a bird called Stacey down an alleyway once, had a couple of others but it's all been pretty straight up, i.e getting lifts home off them the next morning. Don't really like one night stands though, I always have moments of clarity where I think 'who the fuck are you!!!'.

They're alright if you're bored and pissed I suppose.

 

My mate's footy mate did a good one once though, he had no money to get home so he started chatting to some big units in Mathew Street and managed to blag his way back to theirs, did the deed, then the next day he asked if he could have a lift home (she lived in Wigan) and that he'd pay for a tank of petrol.

 

On the way home they stop off at a motorway service station, he tells her to fill up and goes in to 'pay for it'.

But in actual fact he'd just bought a Daily Mirror and a bottle of Oasis, they drove off without paying for the petrol (although she didn't know this) and she was presumably hunted down and chastised in no uncertain terms by law enforcement agents.

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There was a 70s night at Uni and I went off to some rough birds and got a sweaty titwank. Did the walk back in Green Hilfiger chords and a ladies 70s shirt with about 4 buttons undone at the top. Nicked a Wallace and Gromit Fridge Magnet

 

Classy.

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Had a one night stand once, and was phoning a taxi for the girl at about 4am (yes I know, I didn't even let her stay the night). "What name is it?" inquired the taxi office. I only had to turn to the girl and say "What's your name again?"

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When I lived with my brother he pulled some fat bird by telling her he had Ghostbusters on DVD and 4 bottles of Bacardi Breezers in the fridge. In the morning he tried to sneak her out without anone noticing, he called a taxi but the guy who turned up was our taxi driver next door neighbour who ripped the piss out of him and never let him forget it.

 

My mate shagged some fat bird who looked like the monster in fraggle rock that tries to eat the fraggles when they pop up out of their hole in the ground, he shit himself and stayed indoors for six weeks when he found out her fella was the local Combat 18 nutter.

 

I banged some bird from Blackpool once - she asked me if I wanted to go on holiday with her and her mates when we woke up as she was going away with her and her mates fella, bit full on and she rang about ten of her mates saying that I'd stayed over. I asked her where the nearest paper shop was and just legged it back into Blackpool town and got the 1st train back to Lime Street.

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There was a 70s night at Uni and I went off to some rough birds and got a sweaty titwank. Did the walk back in Green Hilfiger chords and a ladies 70s shirt with about 4 buttons undone at the top. Nicked a Wallace and Gromit Fridge Magnet

 

A couple of mates I know used to be well into going the grafton and pulling dirty slags. They also dared each other to nick "Memorabilia" from each place, one lad nicked a star trek chess set, DVD's a signed Rangers team photo and about 10 remote controls for TV's, DVD players and CD players. One lad tried to blag this slapper to join in with him and his mate but he got told to fuck off and wait downstairs. He waited for his mate to finish but went into the kitchen and wiped his knob on all the cutlery and got stuff out the fridge and walked round the living room with it down his keks and then put it back.

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I've had quite a fair share of one night stands. Some are quite funny...

 

They are stories to be shared over ales and whatnot...

 

feel free to share them then!

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I pulled some munter and went back to her halls with her by penny lane. Goosed her with possibly the worst ever sexual performance known to man. Anyway I say im getting off, so I got off only to realise when I got on the street i had no money. Not one bean, nor did I have my bank card.

 

This was February and it was sleet and freezing cold, I had to walk. Its a good job im like a homing pigeon. I got my head down and walked all the way home from Penny Lane to County Road. I got to town and realised I still had a shit load of a walk to complete.

 

That was a wretch Bear Grylls would of been proud of!

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So do I and I also ask the Court to take plenty of other offences into consideration.

 

Can you remember their names? How many Johns and Steves? A few Jasons?

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I pulled some munter and went back to her halls with her by penny lane. Goosed her with possibly the worst ever sexual performance known to man. Anyway I say im getting off, so I got off only to realise when I got on the street i had no money. Not one bean, nor did I have my bank card.

 

This was February and it was sleet and freezing cold, I had to walk. Its a good job im like a homing pigeon. I got my head down and walked all the way home from Penny Lane to County Road. I got to town and realised I still had a shit load of a walk to complete.

 

That was a wretch Bear Grylls would of been proud of!

 

 

Thats almost a marathon!!! Impressive.

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Guest PaddyBerger15
Can you remember their names? How many Johns and Steves? A few Jasons?

 

I hope I bump into you one day, I'd love the opportunity to punch some manners into your retarded looking, unfunny, boring, self important, sneering face, you fucking horrible little turd.

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Had a funny one a year or 2 back. Was at a party in Birkenhead. Totally smashed off me tits. Woke up the next morning in Park Gate, which is a good while away from Upton. The bird was quite fit, but didnt go down to well when she told me she lived with her parents, and i woke up to her dad coming in to her bedroom asking her who the "visitor" was. Lets just say i declined the offer of breakfast and made a sharp exit.

I didnt have a penny on me at all, far too long to walk, would probably take about a day. Ended up ringing me mate, who said he'd come get me after he'd been out shopping. So i spent a few hours sat on a wall in parkgate, looking out over the marshes, in all my going out gear, and not even a penny to get an ice cream.

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I hope I bump into you one day, I'd love the opportunity to punch some manners into your retarded looking, unfunny, boring, self important, sneering face, you fucking horrible little turd.

 

Haha, that's funny that.

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