One night stands

[Red Banjo]

Sure i'd be concerned about the possibility of some bird turning up at the door with a baby.

 

But I'd be petrified at the thought of those little white spots all over my cock and the various permutations of the ever increasing amount of STD's out there in casual sexville.

 

If she lets you blow your load inside her, chances are she's not overly fickle with everyone else she fucks. And judging by your story - there will be plenty.

 

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

 

And not for contraception purposes, to stop it falling off man.

[Adebisi]

Indeed mate. I've actually just spent the last half hour reading about STDs. My mate gave me a call and asked if I was out later, I said I was feeling very cold and tired today and would be giving it a miss. The moment the phone call ended I was paralysed with fear for a few minutes.

 

Even though I'm 99% sure I've just caught what my housemate and a few friends have, I've gone from feeling very pleased with myself to shitting my pants in the space of an hour. Think it's probably a good time to get a check up.

 

Fucking hell, I'm a mong. Should have learned from the last time I had some girl accusing me of giving her something.

[Section_31]

Indeed mate. I've actually just spent the last half hour reading about STDs. My mate gave me a call and asked if I was out later, I said I was feeling very cold and tired today and would be giving it a miss. The moment the phone call ended I was paralysed with fear for a few minutes.

 

Even though I'm 99% sure I've just caught what my housemate and a few friends have, I've gone from feeling very pleased with myself to shitting my pants in the space of an hour. Think it's probably a good time to get a check up.

 

Fucking hell, I'm a mong. Should have learned from the last time I had some girl accusing me of giving her something.

 

A mate in work said his friend recently bummed - yes bummed - a Thai prozie without a nodder. Fucking Mark Fowler facepalm.

[Unrighteous]

Vaginal intercourse without a condom is actually low risk activity. You're most likely 'gots' are gonorrhea, or chlamydia.

 

 

A mate in work said his friend recently bummed - yes bummed - a Thai prozie without a nodder. Fucking Mark Fowler facepalm.

 

Hahahahahahahha!!!! Ok, that's high risk activity.

[Sugar Ape]

A mate in work said he bummed - yes bummed - a Thai prozie without a nodder. Fucking Mark Fowler facepalm.

 

Fuck me. He might as well have just injected aids straight into his arm.

 

I was in Magaluf a few years ago and one of my mates pulled this filthy Swedish bird and banged her twice bareback. He'd just got out of a long relationship and this was the first bird he'd done since then.

 

He was dead down and depressed the next day, just sitting there quiet sipping his beer and getting ripped by everyone. He said he was really worried he'd caught something, so I spend half an hour saying stuff along the lines of 'don't worry, I've shagged about 5 birds in the last year without a johhny on, if anyone has caught something it's me.'

 

I ended up even more scared than him, couldn't wait to get home and get checked out.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Indeed mate. I've actually just spent the last half hour reading about STDs. My mate gave me a call and asked if I was out later, I said I was feeling very cold and tired today and would be giving it a miss. The moment the phone call ended I was paralysed with fear for a few minutes.

 

Even though I'm 99% sure I've just caught what my housemate and a few friends have, I've gone from feeling very pleased with myself to shitting my pants in the space of an hour. Think it's probably a good time to get a check up.

 

Fucking hell, I'm a mong. Should have learned from the last time I had some girl accusing me of giving her something.

 

Absolutely nowt to worry about mate.

 

[Sugar Ape]

We've all been there Adebisi. See the sexual diseases thread. Nothing to worry about.

 

Of course, that's easy for me to say since I've got the all clear.

[Trumo]

We've all been there Adebisi. See the sexual diseases thread. Nothing to worry about.

 

Of course, that's easy for me to say since I've got the all clear.

 

Unfortunate choice of phrase.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Not really about a 1 night stand, but just got off the phone with my dad and I've got to tell you this, cos it's a beaut.

 

My adopted step-brother, our Chris has been seeing this fucking fat hewwer for just over a year, anyway, about 10 months ago he'd had enough of the slovenly cunt and decided to give her the boot.

 

Good choice, but a few days later the slags all over that fucking Facebook shite telling any cunt who gives a fuck that she's up the duff and our Chris's the dad !

 

Fucking idiot only slotted her without a johnny. But our Chris is a decent lad, albeit a right thick cunt, so he gets back with her, they get a place and they're all loved up.

 

I saw the two of them at my owld fellas birthday party last month, and he's buzzing about shortly being a dad, but that fat cunt seemed a bit disinterested. She even came outside later on while I was talking to my step sister, and she was chugging away on a Stella and sucking away on a tab. I told her it wasn't doing the baby any good but she just blanked me.

 

So, the baby was due on the 27th October, but they went to the hozzy today to have her induced cos she still hasn't had the bairn.

 

They get there and she chases our Chris off to work and tells him she'll give him a buzz when she starts on with her contractions.

 

Dinner time and our Chris drops into my dad's and step-mam's and phones the hospital to see if she's any further on.

 

The hospital haven't even heard of her !

 

He's head is spinning and he's a bit dim at the best of times, so my step mother phones the hospital back, surely some mistake ? Nope. The hospital haven't even heard of her, no trace, nowt...and she certainly wasn't booked in for an inducement or delivery. The fat lying cunt was never even pregnant in the first place !

 

After a few hours of trying, my step sister managed to get hold of her via her moby; the fat cunt says the baby has "died" inside of her, and she fled from the hospital, she's currently "hiding in some bushes" and considering topping herself ! Jermey Kyle, are you watching ?

 

The heartless scrubber has fled to her poor dads house, and that poor sod is doing what all mourning parents do - pouring his spasticated soul out to complete strangers on fucking Facebook ! She's told him the same pack of lies and he's been taken in...for now at least.

 

However, my step sister has gone round and had a barney with the fat cunts own sister, but she also made her phone the hospital herself to find out the truth. So now her family is in the know too.

 

Our Chris is apparently heartbroken (as you might imagine), and he's gone on a wrecking spree in their house. The poor kid has spent a small fortune on baby gear and done the spare room up etc.

 

Told my owld fella that in a couple of days time, our Chris will be counting his lucky stars that that fat cunt is out of his life.

 

Bullet = dodged.

 

Lower than a fucking snakes belly.

[melons]

That totally tops anything i may ever read in any trashy mag in any doctors waiting room.

 

 

Fucking hell.

[Carvalho Diablo]

That totally tops anything i may ever read in any trashy mag in any doctors waiting room.

 

 

Fucking hell.

 

Aye, incredible. My step-sister said summat to our kid a few weeks ago that there were "rumours" that the lass wasn't pregnant, but I paid them no credence.

 

Like I say, I was with them both only a few weeks ago round at my dad's birthday do and I was chatting away about cots, and buggy's and baby names etc. The fucking slapper had the nerve to sit there and chat shit back.

 

I know he's thick as two short planks, but fucking hell.

 

Really, really sad.

[lifetime fan]

Most embarrassing one night stand I ever had was pulling some absolute fucking filthy bird in town, was a Monday night I think, completely random.

 

She was a real plain Jane, far from ugly but not top totty either, cracking tits though. At the time I was kipping at my old dears gaff as I'd just split up with the ex so took her back there.

 

I have her in 'my' bedroom that my ol dear is using as a dressing room and is full of her shit.

 

I'm completely pissed and trying to get a johnny on (with difficulty) so she starts to fuck herself with my Mum's shampoo bottle (Umberto Gianni or some shit, the lid is metal and dome shaped) as me Mam walks in and turns the light on.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Something like this.

 

[melons]

I'm sure i've said it before, it may be on the slags thread but indeed it's threads like this that make me feel almost virtuous.

[chrisbonnie]

Indeed mate. I've actually just spent the last half hour reading about STDs. My mate gave me a call and asked if I was out later, I said I was feeling very cold and tired today and would be giving it a miss. The moment the phone call ended I was paralysed with fear for a few minutes.

 

Even though I'm 99% sure I've just caught what my housemate and a few friends have, I've gone from feeling very pleased with myself to shitting my pants in the space of an hour. Think it's probably a good time to get a check up.

 

Fucking hell, I'm a mong. Should have learned from the last time I had some girl accusing me of giving her something.

 

I'd say you've got aids now

 

But hey, magic Johnson seems to be coping well with it

[Sugar Ape]

I'd say you've got aids now

 

But hey, magic Johnson seems to be coping well with it

 

It never did Freddie Mercury any harm either.

[lifetime fan]

It never did Freddie Mercury any harm either.

 

Depends if you want to fuck a blokes hairy arsehole or 'ladies' shaved fanny mate.

 

Something you want to tell us?

[Sugar Ape]

Depends if you want to fuck a blokes hairy arsehole or 'ladies' shaved fanny mate.

 

Something you want to tell us?

 

Freddie didn't die of aids anyway. He was a raging hetrosexual like me. This picture will explain it.

 

[melons]

Bump, I needed a laugh. I love this thread. Christmas additions any one?

 

 

 

 

Diablo, how did your brother get on?

[Carvalho Diablo]

Bump, I needed a laugh. I love this thread. Christmas additions any one?

 

 

 

 

Diablo, how did your brother get on?

 

Aye, haven't seen the idiot since before Christmas (possibly my Dad's birthday party I was on about) but my Dad said he'd moved back in with him for a while before shacking up with some new bint !

 

Told you he was thick.

[sparta7]

I've had a sheltered life, and to be honest I'm really fucking glad

[Anubis]

Fuck me, CD (no that's not an invitation), but that is pure Jeremy Kyle territory. Did he never ask to see the scan photos?

[Carvalho Diablo]

Fuck me, CD (no that's not an invitation), but that is pure Jeremy Kyle territory. Did he never ask to see the scan photos?

 

She always had her excuses lined up.

 

And did I mention, he is stupid ?!

 

Remember, they were living together, and presumably sleeping together, all the time throughout this sham pregnancy...and the thick cunt still never twigged on !

 

I know smilies are verboten on the GF, but fakkin hell !

[Joe Le Taxi]

I ended up with blood on my face after my last one.

[lifetime fan]

I ended up with blood on my face after my last one.

 

Good perv.

[Dirk]

I once gorra wart on me tongue.