Guilt Wanks

[madstock]

Following on from herself's comments about "wanks that have left you thinking - fucking hell, I really shouldn't have done that" on the Liz "Pugsly" MacDonald thread, I would be interested in a (private) show of hands as to how common this is...

 

Obviously if you were thinking of being spitroasted by the entire "Over 80's Weight Watchers Facebook Group", then it makes it more fun if you share with the group.

 

Post ahead, sickos.

[Monkeywool]

I never feel guilty about a wank. However I do have to perform a funeral service for all the brave soldiers who went up through my tackle to find an egg only to be ejected like Evel Knievel. Problem is they are ejected over buses too, hmmm.

[Victor Ganges]

There's an Over 80's Weight Watchers Facebook Group?

[Guest TK-421]

There's a theory that the Soundgarden song "Burden in my hand" is to do with post wank guilt. "I shot my load today, would you cry for me".

[She Knows It]

There's a theory that the Soundgarden song "Burden in my hand" is to do with post wank guilt. "I shot my load today, would you cry for me".

 

Cry for me? Fucking section me, more like.

[philyhamann]

I prefer stealth wanks over the girl on the seat infront of me on the 10A when I'm going to town.

[Guest TK-421]

Cry for me? Fucking section me, more like.

 

Section_31?

[Victor Ganges]

I prefer stealth wanks over the girl on the seat infront of me on the 10A when I'm going to town.

Straight out of the crouchieboy school of onanism.

 

When you say stealth, do you mean you keep your wee green light off?

[She Knows It]

Section_31?

 

I meant "be forcibly committed to a psychiatric unit". I couldn't wank over anyone who fancied Liz MacDonald, I'm afraid.

[Monkeywool]

I would rather wank over Sloth than think about Liz McDonald in any way.

[She Knows It]

I had a conversation with my best mate once about this. After loads of vodka we were admitting to our sickest wank fantasies.

 

I confessed that I had one about watching my husband with a prostitute, and she said "No Way! I have that one too! Do you watch or join in in?", so I said "Mostly I just watch, but sometimes I join in". And she said "Yeah! And then when you've fucked her, do you kill her?"

 

So I looked shocked and said "Good God, no!". She asked "Well what do you do then afterwards?". I said "Erm, I don't know. I suppose we just pay her and then she leaves. I don't usually get that far".

 

And she looked at me and goes "You pay her and she leaves??? You're fucking weird you are".

[drewy]

I had a conversation with my best mate once about this. After loads of vodka we were admitting to our sickest wank fantasies.

 

I confessed that I had one about watching my husband with a prostitute, and she said "No Way! I have that one too! Do you watch or join in in?", so I said "Mostly I just watch, but sometimes I join in". And she said "Yeah! And then when you've fucked her, do you kill her?"

 

So I looked shocked and said "Good God, no!". She asked "Well what do you do then afterwards?". I said "Erm, I don't know. I suppose we just pay her and then she leaves. I don't usually get that far".

 

And she looked at me and goes "You pay her and she leaves??? You're fucking weird you are".

 

I'm crying here, I was hanging out me arse 5 minutes ago just about ready for Moses Kip Tanou, funny as fuck.

[Section_31]

There are many things with the potential to cause feelings of guilt in this life, however masturbating furiously (under any circumstances) shouldn't be one of them.

 

Masturbation should be encouraged, in fact it should be compulsory as part of the war on terror and should be done during the median hour when southern europe is enjoying siesta time.

[Thants]

I'm just worried I might run out of sperm one day.

[philyhamann]

Straight out of the crouchieboy school of onanism.

 

When you say stealth, do you mean you keep your wee green light off?

 

You're right, the strudel is so big its impossible for me to have a stealth wank.

 

You heard me.

[Brownie]

Did anyone else see the title of this thread, and imagine a fella sat on a couch with a bright orange shirt on and dread-locks, having a tug? Or was that just me?

[Unrighteous]

I had a conversation with my best mate once about this. After loads of vodka we were admitting to our sickest wank fantasies.

 

I confessed that I had one about watching my husband with a prostitute, and she said "No Way! I have that one too! Do you watch or join in in?", so I said "Mostly I just watch, but sometimes I join in". And she said "Yeah! And then when you've fucked her, do you kill her?"

 

So I looked shocked and said "Good God, no!". She asked "Well what do you do then afterwards?". I said "Erm, I don't know. I suppose we just pay her and then she leaves. I don't usually get that far".

 

And she looked at me and goes "You pay her and she leaves??? You're fucking weird you are".

 

 

Absolute class.

 

Anyway, I've had some wanks and some shags really where I was going, "WTF was I thinking?"

 

Some were just bad judgement, or an odd feeling that evening(for the wanks) but I've had some really dodgy calls like a mate's sister and one or two of my mate's exes and whatnot.

[RJ Fan club]

I'm just worried I might run out of sperm one day.

 

Bucket and a half is a load of shite, Eat plenty of bananas and drink milk it fills the pigs back up. If not, ask Remster for some tips.

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

I've cranked a few out about the idea of spurting over Faith Browns norks...does that count?

[dudek#1]

I've never felt guilty about polishing the pink pistol. When you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

The only time I've told a lass (just a friend, like) that she was a wank fantasy, she was quite pleased, so now I don't think there's any need to feel guilty about who you've been imagining. The gloves are off (metaphorically, at least.)

[Stefan]

Did anyone else see the title of this thread, and imagine a fella sat on a couch with a bright orange shirt on and dread-locks, having a tug? Or was that just me?

 

Haha. maybe if it was the *F