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1st round 1st scrap


Remmie
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Who wins?  

36 members have voted

  1. 1. Who wins?



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Moles are sometimes known as a Velvet Coated Gentleman.

Star Nosed Velvet Coated Gentleman is an ace name for a rock band.

 

Tapir’s can’t sing, therefore they cannot be taken seriously.

 

Tapir is an anagram of "Parti", which is indicative of their unhealthy rock and roll likestyle; moles meanwhile are lean and tough and would kick the flabby tapir ass to kingdom come.

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I have to go for the tapir - there's the size thing, the Rafa connection and these impressive facts:

 

# They are related to horses and rhinoceroses.

# They make squeaking and chirping noises.

# They swim very well and love water.

# They have not changed much in 20 million years.

# A tapir can move its nose in all directions, smelling.

# It has 4 toes on each front foot, 3 on each back foot.

# A tapir can out-maneuver a dog.

# They can climb over steep hills, logs and fences.

# They can crash thorough the jungle like a tank.

# They bulldoze tunnels in jungle undergrowth.

# Tapirs have very tough skin, like hard leather.

 

I'd like to see that star nosed mole try to out-manoeuvre a dog or crash through the jungle like a tank.

Tapirs - undefeated in 20 million years, rock hard skin, related to rhinos - there can only be one winner

 

¡Tapirs campeones! ¡Star nosed moles maricones!

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I was going to go with moley: the tapir would run for it's life the minute that sniffling little mofo stuck it's chocolate-starfish-nosed head from out of its burrow. Unfortunately, thinking on, the tapir would be be so scared that it would leap up in shock - a kind of cartoon running-in-the-air-whilst-stationary Tom and Jerry-esque thing if you will. On landing, the tapir's legs would grind moley's arse-type face into oblivion.

 

Tapir 1, Arse-faced mole 0.

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