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Bedroom Horror Stories


Faustus
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Did he admit how he'd done it?

 

No as such, but given that he was sat as his computer; and that amidst the screaming and copious blood loss, in the time it took me to run upstairs he'd managed to delete his internet history I don't think it takes Columbo to figure it out.

 

I said to him "Be more careful in future, Son. That thing's got to last you the rest of your life". I didn't catch the answer, but I think it was an affirmative mumble.

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No as such, but given that he was sat as his computer; and that amidst the screaming and copious blood loss, in the time it took me to run upstairs he'd managed to delete his internet history I don't think it takes Columbo to figure it out.

 

I said to him "Be more careful in future, Son. That thing's got to last you the rest of your life". I didn't catch the answer, but I think it was an affirmative mumble.

 

man, I'm glad the internet didn't exist when i was "blooming".

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No as such, but given that he was sat as his computer; and that amidst the screaming and copious blood loss, in the time it took me to run upstairs he'd managed to delete his internet history I don't think it takes Columbo to figure it out.

 

I said to him "Be more careful in future, Son. That thing's got to last you the rest of your life". I didn't catch the answer, but I think it was an affirmative mumble.

 

I just got the funniest picture of a kid who despite blood rapidly leaving his person only has one objective: cover your porno-tracks. Brilliant.

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I just got the funniest picture of a kid who despite blood rapidly leaving his person only has one objective: cover your porno-tracks. Brilliant.

 

Ha ha! I thought that as well.

 

...mum.........coming.

 

.............must..........delete.......por....*click*....

*passes out*

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No as such, but given that he was sat as his computer; and that amidst the screaming and copious blood loss, in the time it took me to run upstairs he'd managed to delete his internet history I don't think it takes Columbo to figure it out.

 

I said to him "Be more careful in future, Son. That thing's got to last you the rest of your life". I didn't catch the answer, but I think it was an affirmative mumble.

 

 

Priorities in check :thumbup:

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The girl I lost my virginity to in college had multiple personalities. I seriously thought she was just really moody; a demon in the sack, we'd screw until we both passed out from exhaustion and then I'd wake up the next day to "who the fuck are you!" me being me, i thought this was fucking funny as hell. the sex was great, but it really only went on for about two weeks and we broke things off because things were 'understandably' weird.

 

about a week later on the football pitch, i found out about the multiple personalities from my goalie who'd gone to high school with her and knew her history much better than i did. I smiled and said, "she counts as two right?"

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Classy bird. Doesn't surprise me though, atypical of the type you'd pick up in Headlocks on a Friday night. Probably been sexually active since she was 10. Ooh, you dirty little bastard!

 

That is brilliant. I love the name for the Cool Room ("Fool Room"), but that one is first class.

 

And what a classy venue it is too...

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You were taking a chance there, shagging a Vegas bird with no protection. Could've been a lot worse than herpes!

 

Just out of interest, how old are you? The only reason I ask is cos I was talking to my friend recently about number of sexual partners. She's no slag, but she reckoned she'd had nearly 30 (not saying my mate was this girl!), and I was astounded. But she's never really had a long term relationship as such, more a series of 3 month long ones (she's 31).

 

So 30 isn't that bad, unless your girl was about 18 and then yes, she's a tart.

 

I dunno, if you work it out; age of consent at 16, she's 31. That's only two partners a year if you average it over 15 years of being 'active'. If she's never had a real long term relationship then that isn't really that promiscuous.

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  • 6 months later...

I was 18 years old, been seeing this bird for about a month. She wasn't exactly generous in the shagging department, it was hard work getting into her knickers so it was probably never gonna last anyway. Her parents were away and we'd been down the pub. Back at her house a bit pissed, managed to get her in the sack. Eventually I'm sliding in, thinking "fuck me, this is dry, hopefully it's moisten up in a bit."

 

So I'm on the case, head down, working hard at it like you do at 18. She's going "...mike, mike...." and I'm saying, thinking she's gonna tell me to stop, "It's alright, it's alright" whatever the fuck that means. And she carries on "...mike...mike...." and I'm thinking "she really isn't enjoying this, she's not even getting damp." Until she eventually utters the line I'll never forget as long as I live: "...Mike....why are you shagging my leg?"

 

Got up, got dressed, went home, never saw her again.

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  • 11 years later...
On ‎23‎/‎08‎/‎2007 at 16:16, SoMuch4Gravity said:

The girl I lost my virginity to in college had multiple personalities. I seriously thought she was just really moody; a demon in the sack, we'd screw until we both passed out from exhaustion and then I'd wake up the next day to "who the fuck are you!" me being me, i thought this was fucking funny as hell. the sex was great, but it really only went on for about two weeks and we broke things off because things were 'understandably' weird.

 

about a week later on the football pitch, i found out about the multiple personalities from my goalie who'd gone to high school with her and knew her history much better than i did. I smiled and said, "she counts as two right?"

 

Philly Burkhill levels of storytelling here.

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I once went back to a young lady's and the ceiling was painted the same bright red as the walls. An absolute horror of a bedroom; at that point I knew she didn't share my taste for sleek, mid-century modern design.

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