Airport security

[Hermes]

Off on my hols soon. Any body used the airports since the attempt to blow up the airport in Scotland? How has the security increased, what do I need to be aware of?

 

My last trip had the usual questions:

 

Check in: "Did you pack your bag yourself sir?".

 

Me: "Yes".

 

Check in: "Are you carrying any sharp implements in your hand luggage?".

 

Me: "No".

 

Check in: "Have you left your bag unattended at any time?".

 

Me: "Yes, it's been in the loft for 11 months".

[King Emlyn]

Went to Paris two weeks ago from JLA, there was no difference.

[King Emlyn]

Off on my hols soon. Any body used the airports since the attempt to blow up the airport in Scotland? How has the security increased, what do I need to be aware of?

 

My last trip had the usual questions:

 

Check in: "Did you pack your bag yourself sir?".

 

Me: "Yes".

 

Check in: "Are you carrying any sharp implements in your hand luggage?".

 

Me: "No".

 

Check in: "Have you left your bag unattended at any time?".

 

Me: "Yes, it's been in the loft for 11 months".

 

If you genuinely did say that you'd have been arrested in America, they really don't do sense of humour on their borders, if you're going there DON'T say anything like that.

[Hermes]

If you genuinely did say that you'd have been arrested in America, they really don't do sense of humour on their borders, if you're going there DON'T say anything like that.

 

Thanks for the warning. I'll tell them it's been in the cellar.

[Chris]

It's gonna take you a while to get through, I hear they're very careful with antiques.

[Hermes]

It's gonna take you a while to get through, I hear they're very careful with antiques.

 

I do have the body of a Chippendale.

[Captain]

That's not what your wife keeps telling me.

[Hermes]

That's not what your wife keeps telling me.

 

For the benefit of anybody who is wondering why Captain has regular conversations with my wife, she is a telephonist for the Samaritans.

[Paul]

For the benefit of anybody who is wondering why Captain has regular conversations with my wife, she is a telephonist for the Samaritans.

 

For the benefit of anyone who was wondering how Hermes ever managed to find a woman good enough to take him on, she was the seventy third Samaritan volunteer he spoke to. The other seventy two all lost the will to live when he wouldn't shut up with his crap gags.

[Newport]

Check in: "Did you pack your bag yourself sir?".

 

"No, my mum did."

 

That could be the answer from a ten year old. My question is then. Would he be arrested? If not, are there any reason why these crazy terrorist fuckers wouldn't use kids in the future? No, there isn't.

 

I hate what this world have turned in to. Getting my one way ticket to Jupiter tomorrow.

[Stu Monty]

I constantly have to fight the urge to crack hilariously witty remarks when asked simple questions about my bags. It's thought of the rectal search and beatings that help me manage to keep shtum.

 

The clip from Meet the parents where Stiller gives the "Why can't I say bomb on a plane" speech isn't on Youtube, why? Lazy geeks, that's why.

[Ted]

I constantly have to fight the urge to crack hilariously witty remarks when asked simple questions about my bags. It's thought of the rectal search and beatings that help me manage to keep shtum.

 

The clip from Meet the parents where Stiller gives the "Why can't I say bomb on a plane" speech isn't on Youtube, why? Lazy geeks, that's why.

 

When I was coming home from Amsterdam a few years back, the check in lady asked if anyone else had been in my bag. I said, "Well our room was burgled (true) so I don't know."

 

To which she replied: "Oh, it'sh ok, go through."

 

Nice lady.

[Spy Bee]

Took over an hour to get through passport control on the way back from Spain going through Brum.

 

Then again, there are loads of white suicide bombers that board at Alicante.

[Ted]

Off on my hols soon. Any body used the airports since the attempt to blow up the airport in Scotland? How has the security increased, what do I need to be aware of?

 

My last trip had the usual questions:

 

Check in: "Did you pack your bag yourself sir?".

 

Me: "Yes".

 

Check in: "Are you carrying any sharp implements in your hand luggage?".

 

Me: "No".

 

Check in: "Have you left your bag unattended at any time?".

 

Me: "Yes, it's been in the loft for 11 months".

 

Lee Evans told that one better.

[Hermes]

Been into town this morning for last minute clothes shopping for the holiday. I was looking for a pair of camouflage shorts, I couldn't find any.

[Hermes]

Another 24 hours and I'll be on the plane.

[grazywalker]

Another 24 hours and I'll be on the plane.

 

"Shaving an inch of the door" ha ha ha. god this one is old.

[Spy Bee]

He's beginning to worry me now.

[RoboRiise]

I do have the body of a Chippendale.

 

So long as it's not in the case, you should be okay.

[Mook]

I have a problem, I'm flying from Edinburgh down to London City today (& back up tomorrow) & I've lost my passport.

 

The only photo ID I have on me are my work pass (with my name, a photo & a number) & my Scotrail (train) pass.

 

Am I going to get on to the plane(s)?

 

I'm trying to contact the two airports but it's murder trying to get to speak to anyone.

[VladimirIlyich]

I have a problem, I'm flying from Edinburgh down to London City today (& back up tomorrow) & I've lost my passport.

 

The only photo ID I have on me are my work pass (with my name, a photo & a number) & my Scotrail (train) pass.

 

Am I going to get on to the plane(s)?

 

I'm trying to contact the two airports but it's murder trying to get to speak to anyone.

You're not going.

If you show up you are going to make some rent a cop's day by being barred from flying.

[Mook]

You're not going.

If you show up you are going to make some rent a cop's day by being barred from flying.

 

Do you have some experience of this?

 

I could be in severe shit with my work here so I could do with a serious answer, I won't be kicking off at the airport so I can't see the police being involved somehow.

 

[Furmedge]

I took this from the flybe page, which I assume is pretty standard across all airlines for domestic UK flights.

 

Domestic travel - all must be photographic unless otherwise stated

• A valid passport
• An expired passport (domestic flights only up to two years after expiry)
• Valid EU or Swiss national identity card
• Valid driving licence (Full or Provisional are accepted)
• Valid armed forces identity card
• Valid police warrant card/badge
• Valid airport employees security identity pass
• A child on parent’ s passport is an acceptable form of ID
• CitizenCard or Civillian Card
• Valid firearm certificate
• Valid Government-issued identity card
• SMART card
• Electoral identity card
• NUS card (National Union of Students)
• University/college ID card
• Company ID card of nationally recognised company
• Council issued bus pass
• Pension book (the only acceptable form of non-photographic identification)
• Young Scot card
• Disabled badges which have a photograph of the holder
• Certificate of Competency issued by the Government (domestic routes only, must be photographic)
• VALIDATE UK PASS photographic proof of age cards

[Champ]

I have a problem, I'm flying from Edinburgh down to London City today (& back up tomorrow) & I've lost my passport.

 

The only photo ID I have on me are my work pass (with my name, a photo & a number) & my Scotrail (train) pass.

 

Am I going to get on to the plane(s)?

 

I'm trying to contact the two airports but it's murder trying to get to speak to anyone.

I don't suppose you have a driving licence?

Well worth applying for a provisional simply for ID purposes.

Sorry that's no help for your immediate crisis.

Have you checked it's not in the bread bin?

[Mook]

I went home last night & I can't find it anywhere, I thought it might've been at my work but it's nowhere to be seen & my missus has checked everywhere in the house again.

 

I'm fucked, I'm going to have to concede here I think.