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Your mates' birds

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To be fair Stig she called your ex pretty well.

 

It wasn't my last one mate it was the one before.... Much less of a cunt 

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I’ve never said bad words to my mates about their other halves. I’ve told them the truth in certain situations but I’ve always let on thatbive likes them. The amouyof times mates have split up but then got back with them if you’d told the truth things would be well awkward.

 

Although when my mates divorce comes through I’ll be telling him how much of a cunt she is.

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Do you get on with your mates' other halves? I do on the whole, but there's one that really pisses me off.

 

Basically he's been seeing her almost as long as I've known him, about six years, and she's always gegged in on everything.

 

If we have a lads night out she's the only bird who'll insist on coming, and she'll sit there kissing him while we're all sat there looking stupid.

 

She's completely selfish as well, basically if we ever go to town I end up giving them both lifts and it pisses me off, because she's got a car and never brings it, so i end up adding another 30 minutes to my journy to take the fuckers home.

 

I went through a phase where i tried to put a stop to it, and i'd dart off early if we were ever out.

 

Turned up once when my mate was doin a comedy gig and clocked that she was there with her mate and her boyfriend, and basically thought 'fuck that, they're not all getting in my car!' so i darted off as soon as he'd finished his act.

 

I found out the next day that her mate had given her a lift home, but there was no room in the car for my mate, so they left him there! At 11.30 on a Sunday with all his gear!!! Turned out another of my mates who lives on the Wiral, had to drive him home (to Hunts Cross!) instead!

 

She really is an absolute twat!

 

Jesus this is a blast from the past.

 

I'm pleased to reveal he's now married to an awesome woman, we were out with them both the other night and I was best man at their wedding. She's the polar opposite to the previous twat.

 

I got chatting to his dad on the stag do actually and he was telling me he couldn't stand her either. Stuff like, his mum had made a family buffet once all covered in cellophane waiting for everyone to turn up, and she just walked in, took the cover off and started eating it saying 'mmmm I love buffets'. Another time his mum had just made her own (her and her husband's) bed, and this twat just walked in and lay down on it saying 'I love a freshly made bed!'. Absolute cunt. 

 

She emigrated to Australia thankfully but the stupid twat is so ginger she makes Ed Sherran look like Sidney Poitier, so she'll thankfully be confined to barracks most of the time so her ability to wreak social havoc on our Antipodean brethren should be kept to an appropriate, minimum.

 

giphy.gif

 

Let's go outside

(outside) 

In the sunshine

I know you want to but you can't say yeah

You stupid, ginger, twat

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Don't have the girls turn up when we are out , but a couple of my mates' phones are going like the blazes every 15 minutes. We are all dying old bastards so not sure what they are worried about , my wife is made up to get shut of me for a few hours.

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I'm getting to the age now where several of my mates are having marital problems. One in particular has a wife who is just horrible to him. The problem is, it has never been extreme, so he sort of glossed over it now, but the drip drip effect means he has finally realised. I have a feeling she will become a bit psycho when the inevitable break up happens.

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My birds Borthers bird is without question the most detestable human being I've ever met, I can genuinely count on one hand the maount of people I've fallen out with in my life, but she's on there. She's just a fucking cunt, hounds my bird day and night, has become her best friend although she should be done under trade descriptions because she brings nothing but fucking ksiery to everyones lives, oh and she's got the biggest fucking arse I've ever seen to top it off.

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Do you get on with your mates' other halves? I do on the whole, but there's one that really pisses me off.

 

Basically he's been seeing her almost as long as I've known him, about six years, and she's always gegged in on everything.

 

If we have a lads night out she's the only bird who'll insist on coming, and she'll sit there kissing him while we're all sat there looking stupid.

 

She's completely selfish as well, basically if we ever go to town I end up giving them both lifts and it pisses me off, because she's got a car and never brings it, so i end up adding another 30 minutes to my journy to take the fuckers home.

 

I went through a phase where i tried to put a stop to it, and i'd dart off early if we were ever out.

 

Turned up once when my mate was doin a comedy gig and clocked that she was there with her mate and her boyfriend, and basically thought 'fuck that, they're not all getting in my car!' so i darted off as soon as he'd finished his act.

 

I found out the next day that her mate had given her a lift home, but there was no room in the car for my mate, so they left him there! At 11.30 on a Sunday with all his gear!!! Turned out another of my mates who lives on the Wiral, had to drive him home (to Hunts Cross!) instead!

 

She really is an absolute twat!

 

 

That's on him not her, he shouldn't be allowing that, disgraceful scenes.

 

 

Seen the error of his ways, good man.

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Aye, all my mate's birds are sound, there's a couple of them that can't be done with me but I can accept that, what with me being a bit of a drunken arsehole.

 

The one who I don't have any time for is my sister in law, my brother made a right mess of it getting married to her. She's a stupid, jakey twat who thinks great parenting involves giving her Son her mobile phone & then proceeding to get rat arsed. She's the most jealous person I've ever met as well, she even gets jealous on behalf of my missus if I make a lewd comment about some bird on the telly or something. She's a royal pain in the fucking neck.

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That's on him not her, he shouldn't be allowing that, disgraceful scenes.

 

 

Seen the error of his ways, good man.

 

Yep. No need for that sort of thing. Ridiculous in fact.

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I never, ever, pass comment on mates birds until after they’ve split up.

 

Getting involved in others relationships when you only know one half of a biased story is dickhead, dare I say it female, behaviour.

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I never, ever, pass comment on mates birds until after they’ve split up.

Getting involved in others relationships when you only know one half of a biased story is dickhead, dare I say it female, behaviour.

The worst is when they get back together after you’ve completely annihilated her personality

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The worst is when they get back together after you’ve completely annihilated her personality

 

I detest being asked my opinion on other people’s relationships.

 

The wife is a nightmare for it.

 

 

Does Liz know Folksy fucks around?

If she knows why does she put up with it?

Is it because he’s rich?

Does she pretend he doesn’t?

 

Fuck off! He’s my best mate. I don’t give a fuck about his sex life and if he’s told me anything in confidence then I’m not going to tell you.

 

If you’re so fuckng interested go ask Liz...thought not.

 

 

Oh Kelly has told me Guns didn’t want sex last week, do you think he’s cheating?

You’re a bloke, you’ll know what he’s thinking.

Why didn’t he want sex?

Is he divorcing her?

 

Fuck off, I’m not a mind reader and I don’t give a flying fuck.

 

 

But I talk to my friends about us and I’d expect them to comment.

They can comment to you as much as they like love, they ‘comment’ to me and they’can go fuck themselves.

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I detest being asked my opinion on other people’s relationships.

The wife is a nightmare for it.

Does Liz know Folksy fucks around?

If she knows why does she put up with it?

Is it because he’s rich?

Does she pretend he doesn’t?

Fuck off! He’s my best mate. I don’t give a fuck about his sex life and if he’s told me anything in confidence then I’m not going to tell you.

If you’re so fuckng interested go ask Liz...thought not.

Oh Kelly has told me Guns didn’t want sex last week, do you think he’s cheating?

You’re a bloke, you’ll know what he’s thinking.

Why didn’t he want sex?

Is he divorcing her?

Fuck off, I’m not a mind reader and I don’t give a flying fuck.

But I talk to my friends about us and I’d expect them to comment.

They can comment to you as much as they like love, they ‘comment’ to me and they’can go fuck themselves.

Haha. I made peace some time ago with the fact that all my wife’s friends (and therefore their husbands) will know all about my sex life. Fortunately I have a reasonably-sized penis and my perversions are relatively mild

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Haha. I made peace some time ago with the fact that all my wife’s friends (and therefore their husbands) will know all about my sex life. Fortunately I have a reasonably-sized penis and my perversions are relatively mild

 

I have no qualms about others knowing what a devious cunt I am and how fucking ace I am in the sack.

“I’m just a humble motherfucker with a big ass dick”.

 

What I can’t cope with is the fucking knitting circles where everyone slags off their bloke one at a time, give a completely biased story avoiding any culpability and then other said cunts think it appropriate to pass comment.

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I detest being asked my opinion on other people’s relationships.

 

The wife is a nightmare for it.

 

 

Does Liz know Folksy fucks around?

If she knows why does she put up with it?

Is it because he’s rich?

Does she pretend he doesn’t?

 

Fuck off! He’s my best mate. I don’t give a fuck about his sex life and if he’s told me anything in confidence then I’m not going to tell you.

 

If you’re so fuckng interested go ask Liz...thought not.

 

 

Oh Kelly has told me Guns didn’t want sex last week, do you think he’s cheating?

You’re a bloke, you’ll know what he’s thinking.

Why didn’t he want sex?

Is he divorcing her?

 

Fuck off, I’m not a mind reader and I don’t give a flying fuck.

 

 

But I talk to my friends about us and I’d expect them to comment.

They can comment to you as much as they like love, they ‘comment’ to me and they’can go fuck themselves.

 

 

How does your bird know he fucks around ??

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My bird told me her mate (previously mentioned, her brothers fella), told her other friend that her brother was having 'Erectile issues', now aside from that fact I think that's a fucking disgrace, his sister now knows that, she's fucking gargantuan no wonder he's got issues !!!!!

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Having a mate called 'Guns' is absolutely unforgivable unless you're pals with Clint Eastwood.

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