Crap brag

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I once served chips to David Icke.

Strangest tennis match ever.

[RedKnight]

I have two hands.

[philyhamann]

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

[Stu Monty]

I'm drinking a big mug of tea. It's at least the size of two normal mugs.

 

I have a basic comprehention of nationalities.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I was watching that Legendary episode of Catchphrase live with my Nan when they unveiled Mr Chips and he was wanking.

[Stu Monty]

I'm off to do a boring-as-fuck eight hour night shift and you're not. So there.

 

I think I win.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I'm off to do a boring-as-fuck eight hour night shift and you're not. So there.

 

I think I win.

 

Thats the sound of the man, working on the TRAIN yay yay, see what I did there, enjoy your shift.

[Guest davelfc]

I met the real Nick Leeson last week.

[Uncle_Meat]

I built an FM transmitter that was on the same frequency as Radio City and would transmit over it for about a 1 mile (line of sight) radius from the antenna, and used to it read stories out of porn mags one morning between 8 and 9am in the morning from my mates flat on Breck Road.

[She Knows It]

Basically, my friend asked me if I wanted to go out for a night to a pub. Play some pool, get out of the house, maybe meet some girls, whatevers. I decided to since I don't get out as often as I used to and I really wanted to play some pool. Unfortunately this friend of mine tends to hang with people from school. You know how it is, one guy stays talking to one guy he knew in school, he invites him, all of a sudden a brigade of mongs you never wanted to see again after finishing school show up. Just about as pathetic as it can get.

 

So, I'm running the table on these fools, basically minding my own business. Every now and then someone comes up to ask me how I've been doing, I tell them I've been fine the last 6 years without talking to them and I think I'll be fine the rest of my life too. That kept them from bothering me. About an hour in, I see this dick weed I used to know walk in with a piece of arm candy. She was a piece of arse alright, way better than this chump deserved. I recognised him from school, I used to push him around. Pick on him, even got his girlfriend to cheat with me once. I thought "Time to see if I can do it again."

 

I kept eye fucking her, looking her over and blowing her kisses while I was playing pool. She'd blush, and smile back at me. Eventually, Mr Insecure stands in front of his girlfriend blocking my view. I am pissed off. I take swig of my double JD and call the shot I was going to make. I then shoot the que ball into one of my solids, proceed to knock all three solids in and the black ball all in one shot and left the table. I approach the twat standing in my way.

 

philyburkhill: What's the problem here, my friend?

 

Army Punk: You keep eyeing my girl, philyburkhill. Don't think I don't remember you.

 

philyburkhill: Well it's been a long time, but you're still the same chump from school. Why don't you piss off and stop blocking my view?

 

Army Punk: Don't think I'm the same person I was...I joined the Army. It made a man out of me.

 

philyburkhill: Running errands for Bush and his cronies, huh? You're such a fucking tool. Best watch your back for the rest of the night.

 

I turned and started to walk away. As I expected, he did the same, turning his back to me to walk back to his girlfriend. I looked over my shoulder seeing this and used it to my advantage. I swung the pool stick breaking it over his head and knocking him over. When he tried to get up, I punched him in the nose as hard as I could, shattering it instantly. Blood was everywhere. He wouldn't get up to fight me after that, so I spat on him. I looked over at his girl, she was biting her bottom lip hard. I decided to leave before the bizzies showed up, and grabbed her by the wrist taking her with me to show her what a real man can do for her. I liked that pub, but it looks like I'm going to have to lay low for a while.

[Hooch]

I have a mark on my front tooth that looks just like the state of texas

 

 

True story

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Crappest brag by far!

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/forum/gf-general-forum/68886-i-got-into-fight-some-army-punk-other-night.html

[Nick Leeson]

ok quick edit it before it's too late. it already got posted about 15 minutes ago now change it quick before everyone notices what a tool you are

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Damn you SKI - Always one step ahead!!!!

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

I tied my own shoelace today and i wiped my bum after a big poo all by myself without getting my mum to do it. I'm also 33 years old.

[IronSpy]

 

I have a girlfriend. She has a degree.

 

I have a boyfriend. He also has a degree. My degree is better than his. A crap brag admittedly, nevertheless one I use several times a day.

[Uncle_Meat]

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

 

 

 

He's right, y'know. It does

[JohnnyH]

Basically, my friend asked me if I wanted to go out for a night to a pub..............

 

:thumbsup: Repped

[dirty_sanchez]

I have an erection for approximately 60% of my awake time. I'm not sue about when I'm asleep, but it's always rock hard when I wake up.

[stringvest]

I've just had a man round to talk about a gate

 

We had a cup of tea

 

He's gone now

[gazelle]

Tried to rep you SKI - brilliant.

[Section_31]

I can turn my head in not one, but two directions.

[Remmie]

I just ate a Kripsy Kreme (Crispy Cream in English) Doughnut and didn't pay for it. BAM! Right in the kisser.

[L.F.C]

I need a shit.

 

I am right handed but left footed.

 

I am hetrosexual.

[Uncle_Meat]

I've just come back from driving to Milton Keynes, then Luton and back using nowt but A and B roads. It was just under 500 miles, cost around 50 quid in diesel, and took a combined total of about 14 hours, longer coming back as the A40 near Gloucester was like a fucking car park.