Alan Partridge

[Total Longo]

Anyone see the maestro last night? A bit of a slow burner( sorry about the pun) but when he did the fireplace conference with his impaled foot i was p*ssing myself laughing. Especially when he was being sick. For ages.

SpiceWorld!!!!

[Owen]

"It's alrig... It's alright, I was just portraying a madman."

 

"Got your big plate Alan?"

[Remmie]

Butter my arse!

 

When god was handing out chests she was certainly first in the queue

 

20 pounds of Dundee cake woosh...gone

 

I'm old enough to be your dad...well maybe your older brother, either way it's incest

 

I'm Batman

 

You ought to have a good knowledge of Latin, working....in....Curry's

 

Are they deaf offenders?

 

Oooooh you're nicer then my wife

[Owen]

You threw a monkey in the sea? That's awful!

[Remmie]

I've got the cheese!

[Remmie]

Monkey Tennis

Inner city Sumo

[BRANDS]

its got a buck rodgers saniflow!

 

can i have eggs for breakfast and can you lay them you big chicken

 

what do you call that ' its a ladyboy chaser'

 

you feed swans beefburgers

 

you have 20ft chcikens in your shed and their scared, there thinking oh no why am i so massive!

[Remmie]

Wings- only the band the Beatles could have been!

 

I'm going nowhere Lynn, literally I'm on the ring road.

 

Alan: I mean you could be a sex offender for all they know

South African dude: I'm not a Sex offender

Alan: Yeah but you could be

 

Do you mind if I talk, it helps me keep the wolf from the door so to speak

[RedinSweden]

That episode is the best. When they are balancing that table it is just fucking ace.

[RJ Fan club]

"Yes! its an extender!"

[Mr Piechnik]

DAN!

DAN!

DAN!

DAN!

DAN!

DAN!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAN!

[Furmedge]

No way you spastic, you're a mentalist!

[Red '84]

series one is far superior:

 

"ooh i like your berets, they worn by the french.................................................and saddam hussein"

 

"smell my cheese"

 

and the scene just after he had the meeting with tony hares and hes sitting in his car and just starts rambling to himself, class.

 

and not forgetting the castrol gti jacket at hares funeral

[Thants]

I love the Dan scene too. Huge fan of the chat-show that doesn't get enough mentions. Ice white socks, Ice white shoes.

Also Owen's monkey nod.

[sh#t waffle]

I love it when he drunkenly calls his ex...."Not my words..the words of Top Gear magazine"

[Joe Strummer]

Any messages?

 

Just one, from Bill Oddie

 

Did he leave a message

 

No

 

No, he never does.

[Special K]

No clowns Alan!

[BRANDS]

i drove to dundee in my bare feet

 

do you want cup of beans and a sausage?

 

oh your nicer than my wife!

 

do you shave your crackling?

[Anny Road]

I don't wanna get bogged down in this whole gay nest of vipers.

 

Your hair looks snazzy... is that your mum's money coming through? All part of the bereavement dividend!

 

I wish I'd be at bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, "Look at me, I'm a giant witch."

[Remmie]

I'd love to go to Ireland

 

Well it's only £50 on the plane

 

I think that's what puts me off

[Ted]

It's not hardcore super-sex, Lynn.

 

They get you on the old jeans rule....Nazis! But with excellent facilities. As had the Nazis.

[Remmie]

.....toothless simpletons, Horses running through the street- there's more to Ireland then this, in fact that should be the catch phrase *adopts cod Irish accent* Dares more to Oyland Den Dis

[RJ Fan club]

"Do you know what this bathroom says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint. Which, again, to me is a bonus."

 

‘Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. Properly policed. It must not, I repeat not, turn into an all-night rave.’

[King Emlyn]

The greatest ever comic creation, and i do mean ever.

[RedinSweden]

"these are sex people"