Favourite Viz character

[Pdool]

Letterbocks:

 

"I was delighted when the kind people at the Inland Revenue wrote to me recently, telling me that my tax return was 'outstanding', particularly since I can't even remember sending it in".

[RJ Fan club]

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.

Mrs Close, Headingley

 

I WAS just settling down in front of my PC for a good wank when there was a power cut. Never mind, I thought, I'll put on a pornographic DVD instead. In the next horrifying moment I caught a glimpse of what the end of civilisation might really be like. It's going to be no joke, is it?

Stevo

 

With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the twat quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them.

Shuggie, Email

[Lupin]

Mickey's Monkey Spunk Moped was one of the best one off comic strips ever. In fact, some of the best ones were one offs; Reverand Ramsdens Ring Piece Cathedral; The Incredible Doctor Sex; Zip O Lightning and loads of others were fucking ace.

 

I remember when I first started getting it, it was really difficult to get hold of and I used to pick it up from that newsagents that used to be in front of Lime Street by Erics and Tony Harris scally wear shops. You can get it in Asda with your beans now, which just tells you how shite it is.

(.

 

The most outrageous one off I remember was 'Thieving Gypsy Bastards - they'll nick anything!' totally uncorrect but bloody funny. Other favourites - Terry Fuckwit (Fuck me, I'm thick)

Kid : Terry - we want to play cricket and we haven't got a ball - can you run down the wicket for me with your head? - TWAT!!!

Mrs Brady Old Lady

'I want to pay my Gas Bill'

'But this the train station'

'I'm off home to knit some bananas for the boys at the front' - always reminded me of my foster ma, that.

Bodley Basin, the strict Freemason

Roger Irrelevant - he's totally Hatstand!

The Broon Bottle

 

...and on, and on...

[Mendoza]

'As i do not own a television of my own i often watch my neighbours tv through his front window. Last night i knocked on the door and asked him if he could maybe switch over to itv, as there was a programme on i wanted to watch. Imagine my dismay when he knocked 8 of my teeth out.'

[Alan Sex]

WHY DO women keep telling me to go fuck myself? If I could fuck myself, I wouldn't be putting my hands up their skirts in the first place.

Heath Barrett, Tasmania

[Lupin]

WHY DO women keep telling me to go fuck myself? If I could fuck myself, I wouldn't be putting my hands up their skirts in the first place.

Heath Barrett, Tasmania

 

The trouble is Al, as it's you -

[Pdool]

Letterbocks:

 

"Everyone bangs on about how terrible world war two was but my grandad went in a aeroplane, rode a bike and shot three germans, he had a great time".

[L19red]

The most outrageous one off I remember was 'Thieving Gypsy Bastards - they'll nick anything!' totally uncorrect but bloody funny. Other favourites - Terry Fuckwit (Fuck me, I'm thick)

Kid : Terry - we want to play cricket and we haven't got a ball - can you run down the wicket for me with your head? - TWAT!!!

Mrs Brady Old Lady

'I want to pay my Gas Bill'

'But this the train station'

'I'm off home to knit some bananas for the boys at the front' - always reminded me of my foster ma, that.

Bodley Basin, the strict Freemason

Roger Irrelevant - he's totally Hatstand!

The Broon Bottle

 

...and on, and on...

 

the brown bottle was ace. I'm yer best mate pal

and the Parkie "Woman! it shat on my park"

 

has jellyhead had a mention yet? a one off but very funny, or bertie blunt - his parrots a cunt

 

True story and a little bit of Viz trivia for you, when I lived in Newcastle my house was featured in one of the photo love strories. 216 simonside terrace, its just behind the bus stop in the photo.

[Guest TK-421]

mYglDJUtGBE

 

fx9GucPBl8o

 

reddQPySNTU

 

lfj2DPPGW2o

[Vincent Vega]

Norbert Collon "tighter than a naffs chat" was my favourite.

 

He went into the travel agents sat down and asked the girl "is there any holidays you don't want"

 

The girl said we have 2 weeks in Benidorm all inclusive for £99.

 

His reply "I was looking for something a little cheaper than that"

 

Doesn't he own our *ootball club now?

[Dougie Do'ins]

Norbert Collon "tighter than a naffs chat" was my favourite.

 

He went into the travel agents sat down and asked the girl "is there any holidays you don't want"

 

The girl said we have 2 weeks in Benidorm all inclusive for £99.

 

His reply "I was looking for something a little cheaper than that"

It's no fucking wonder thats your favorite. Remind you of yourself ?

[RoboRiise]

Did my head in that one, the joke never changed. In the very early ones that I've been reading recently, he was a kind of Dennis The Menace with real menace who twated Walter Softy instead of playing tricks, but it went shite when he became bullied by his parents and then grandparents.

 

Other classic Ride Kid moments:

 

Mam: Whera are your shoes dear?

 

Rude Kid: ARSE!

 

Mam: Have you been out playing football in your shoes?

 

Rude Kid: PISSFLAPS!

 

Mam: Good morning dearest.

 

Rude Kid: PIGS' NIPPLES!!

 

Mam: Would you like sugar on your Cornflakes dear?

 

Rude Kid: BIG DOG'S COCK!

 

Mam: Just popping down to the shops dear.

 

Rude Kid: KNOBCHEESE!

 

And each and every one of these comments were accompanied by a v-sign.

 

 

POINTY TITS!

[TheBitch]

Class lines.

 

[YOUTUBE]5mi2yh1ABvQ&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]

 

 

 

 

Whats got two thumbs, speaks french and likes blow jobs?

 

 

*Points thumbs to himself*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moi.

[RoboRiise]

My favourite wasn't included:

 

"How pet, d'ya like chicken? Well suck me cock, it's fowl"

[Guest TK-421]

Sid: I like your suit.

Tart: What suit?

Sid: Tits oot for the lads!

[Mendoza]

[Dr Nowt]

Describing Kerry Katona as "big tit chip shop rubbish", the page 3 girl of the day "Ever so slightly boss-eyed Melinda Messenger" and the letter that said "Why's Posh Spice called Posh Spice?  I've seen posher birds working on the check-out at Co-op", were all worth their weight at the time.

[Tony Moanero]

.

[Dr Nowt]

.

 

Don't remember them doing one in morse code.

[Dr Nowt]

[Dr Nowt]

[Dr Nowt]

[L19red]

Time for bed dear

Bugger Bastard

Bugger Bastard

Bugger Bastard

Wank!

 

A rude kid classic

[Dr Nowt]

[Alan Sex]

Fucking hell. Slow down, Lizzie. I can't keep up.