Small pleasures?

[Remmie]

17 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Is this a subtle hint that I’m deluding myself if I think Amy Lewis will ever be mine?

I think if you hate liars, grasses, the police and almost everyone apart from her and her kids you have a shot. I'll give some MK bad boy lingo lessons

[sir roger]

59 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Is this a subtle hint that I’m deluding myself if I think Amy Lewis will ever be mine?

Been doing the sums , and she should be round to you by 2026 at the latest.

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, Remmie said:

I think if you hate liars, grasses, the police and almost everyone apart from her and her kids you have a shot. I'll give some MK bad boy lingo lessons

I forgot the most important thing to hate. Contraception

 

 

 

[Stouffer]

How good is Uno.

[YorkshireRed]

44 minutes ago, Stouffer said:

How good is Uno.

It’s good until my fourteen year old loses. Then it’s responsible for ruining family time, doors being banged, tension building between myself and the wife and me being blamed for my son’s attitude to losing.

[VladimirIlyich]

On 09/10/2021 at 12:40, YorkshireRed said:

Just caught sight of myself in a mirror. I didn’t look tired, ageing, past my best, stressed, overweight or with thinning hair.

 

I am all these things but, just for a fraction of a second, the mirror was my friend. 

Can you tell me where to buy one of those mirrors?

[YorkshireRed]

Just now, VladimirIlyich said:

Can you tell me where to buy one of those mirrors?

The wife bought it. It’s never done that before, or when I checked again today. The universe must have created the perfect circumstances for a fraction of a second. 

[Dr Nowt]

Just had a Crunchie Blast ice cream.

 

[Bob]

Finishing a job. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t part way through decorating my girls bedroom. It’s been going on for at least 14 years, and she’s only 9. But yesterday I finished, and today I bought her a new duvet cover set, and the bloody thing is done.

[Tony Moanero]

24 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Finishing a job. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t part way through decorating my girls bedroom. It’s been going on for at least 14 years, and she’s only 9. But yesterday I finished, and today I bought her a new duvet cover set, and the bloody thing is done.

LFC?

[sir roger]

9 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

LFC?

 

[Harry's Lad]

3 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

 

 

They look pretty big pleasures to be fair.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Choosing the right queue at the supermarket checkouts, then gliding through at a faster pace than someone who arrived at the same time.

 

It's a skill; you can't just look at length, you have to take into account items, type of shopper, likelihood of bag faff and coupon use. All scanned like Robocop in a split second.

[YorkshireRed]

44 minutes ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Choosing the right queue at the supermarket checkouts, then gliding through at a faster pace than someone who arrived at the same time.

 

It's a skill; you can't just look at length, you have to take into account items, type of shopper, likelihood of bag faff and coupon use. All scanned like Robocop in a split second.

I could nominate this skill in the ‘Things I’m Fucking Useless At’ thread. 

[manwiththestick]

45 minutes ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Choosing the right queue at the supermarket checkouts, then gliding through at a faster pace than someone who arrived at the same time.

 

It's a skill; you can't just look at length, you have to take into account items, type of shopper, likelihood of bag faff and coupon use. All scanned like Robocop in a split second.

I had this at the weekend, was in the Asda last week and myself and a woman were heading down the same aisle towards the checkouts and she cuts in front and pips me to the checkout in which there is already a guy with a small basket waiting to be served, I go to the next one along which is another guy halfway through loading his weekly shop on the belt.

 

This guy in front of me must have been ex-military the way he loaded his stuff  and had all his bags sorted and in place so they're were bagged up in no time and off he went. So I'm now getting sorted and I look to the left and the woman who cut me up was still waiting to load her stuff on the belt because the guy in front had something that wouldn't scan and the operator had to push that button to get a colleague to come over then go and search for another of the same item so they could scan it.

 

Almost wanted to moonwalk along the shiny smooth floor out of the store once I'd paid and the other lady was still stood waiting.

[Bjornebye]

54 minutes ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Choosing the right queue at the supermarket checkouts, then gliding through at a faster pace than someone who arrived at the same time.

 

It's a skill; you can't just look at length, you have to take into account items, type of shopper, likelihood of bag faff and coupon use. All scanned like Robocop in a split second.

Spot on. If I'm with my missus I get frustrated that she doesn't follow my lead. I'm in and out like a shot while she loiters like a fucking moron. They've moved all the stuff round in the Norris Green Aldi though which threw me for about 12 seconds the other night 

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

 

 

Almost wanted to moonwalk along the shiny smooth floor out of the store once I'd paid and the other lady was still stood waiting.

Hahahaha pissing myself at that vision. Her stood there fuming 

 

 

"Hahaha in a bit you dizzy bitch wheeeyyyyy"

 

 

 

[sir roger]

1 hour ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Choosing the right queue at the supermarket checkouts, then gliding through at a faster pace than someone who arrived at the same time.

 

It's a skill; you can't just look at length, you have to take into account items, type of shopper, likelihood of bag faff and coupon use. All scanned like Robocop in a split second.

At the risk of being a sex traitor my one immutable rule is never go to a male cashier.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

1 hour ago, sir roger said:

At the risk of being a sex traitor my one immutable rule is never go to a male cashier.

Mine is never queue behind a woman who's carrying an item of clothing. Nailed on she'll either have an issue with it, or start discussing it with the cashier.

[manwiththestick]

27 minutes ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Mine is never queue behind a woman who's carrying an item of clothing. Nailed on she'll either have an issue with it, or start discussing it with the cashier.

Or anyone with a basket full of Whoops! items, guaranteed they're paying in loose change and haggling on the prices.

[Fowlers God]

An absolute Ghost poo. 
 

No second wipe

 

no toilet clean

 

fucking winner

[Captain Turdseye]

1 hour ago, sir roger said:

At the risk of being a sex traitor my one immutable rule is never go to a male cashier.

The quickest cashier at my local Sainsbury’s (and the most helpful staff member overall, I might add) is a man. Granted, he’s very feminine for a man but he does have a penis. He’s also terrific in the sack. 

[Bjornebye]

54 minutes ago, Fowlers God said:

An absolute Ghost poo. 
 

No second wipe

 

no toilet clean

 

fucking winner

How can you not have a second wipe, even just to make sure? especially you Dan, I bet you've got arse hair like a yeti. You must have a festival of winnets going on down there, like fucking minions 

[Red_or_Dead]

2 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

The quickest cashier at my local Sainsbury’s (and the most helpful staff member overall, I might add) is a man. Granted, he’s very feminine for a man but he does have a penis. He’s also terrific in the sack. 

Take it to the transgender thread!

 

 

[sir roger]

2 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

The quickest cashier at my local Sainsbury’s (and the most helpful staff member overall, I might add) is a man. Granted, he’s very feminine for a man but he does have a penis. He’s also terrific in the sack. 

We have a guy in Tesco who looks like Roy Evans and makes glaciers look hyperactive.