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Do you like Christmas?

Do you like Christmas  

80 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you like Christmas

    • Yes - peace and goodwill to all men, women, children and squid
    • No - fuck the whole thing off


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Yeah. Card playing is a big part of our tradition as well. Teenager lack of interest is killing the mood though. Lots of Kevin and Perry can’t be bothered shit going on 

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1 minute ago, Einch said:

Yeah. Card playing is a big part of our tradition as well. Teenager lack of interest is killing the mood though. Lots of Kevin and Perry can’t be bothered shit going on 

Kick them in the balls, mate.

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Woken up this morning by one of our moggies.  Mr Faulty had decided my face needed a wash.

 

Here beginneth the descent into hell.

We have the attendance of Her Indoors vile scrounging niece (hereinafter referred to as ‘Bint’) and her Chav supporting  boyfriend (hereinafter referred to as ’Cockney Wanker’). Seems Cockney Wanker is not coming to dinner but is turning up later. I'll turn the cunt up, he's pissed me off badly already.

Updates will no doubt follow. I think I'll start on the ale early, to numb the pain.

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Should be in the rant thread.

 

Got the girls a xbox and a ps4 and still 1 hour in I'm still setting the buggers up and not played a game.

 

36 years ago today I was rocking on my tomy and astrowars.

 

Jesus now downloading fortnite OMG 14 gig.

 

Can I just play something so I can start drinking. 

 

All the best everyone. 

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13 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

You actually eat it? Surely that’s not normal. Bite it, spit it out, put some more bite marks in it and lash what you’ve bitten off into the bin. 

 

 

CC6BF331-7252-484A-A682-42EE673442E0.jpeg

You(I mean Santa's Reindeer) must have great eyesight!

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So I'm supposed to be spending Christmas Day with my mother this year,  our kidder has fucked off for a 3 week cruise round the Bahamas and it's left up to muggins here to look after the old girl. 

 

First thing this morning I phone my mother to ask if she has any bread, no answer. I phone back, still no answer. I phone her land line and then her mobile again, still no fucking answer. 

Fuck this, I get a taxi round. 

 

Finally get in after almost 30 minutes of buzzing the intercom. 

 

When I do get in, she's oblivious, fannying around on her computer. Deaf as a fucking post cos she hadn't put her hearing aids in. 

 

So I decide to make some bacon  sarnies; I've brought my big  frying pan and spatter guard, brought the oil and bacon, my ma tells me there's bread in the bread bin. 

And there is: 4 stale half loaves, each rock hard, and 1 unopened loaf which has black mould on it. 

Bin the fucking lot. Zero bacon, zero breakfast. 

 

Next is some tidying up. In my mother's little 2 bedroom flat and there's just assorted Shite strewn everywhere. Seriously there's just no fucking need for her messiness, just taking the fucking piss. It takes me the best part of an hour to clean her shit up, haven't even sat down yet. 

 

Next thing she's got for me is to fix her 2 Android boxes. OK, sleeves rolled up, takes me 45 minutes. 

 

Next thing I've got to make the dinner. Okay, done that. 

 

Finally get to sit down and watch a film, fancy this new one, Bad Times at The El Royale. Stick it on and after 5 minutes she says she needs to go for a shit, or should I say ANOTHER shit, because this is the 4th one in the past 4 hours! Then she starts giving me a blow by blow, or should that be a squirt by squirt account of her latest bowel movement. 

Just waiting for the Care staff to arrive and I am thoroughly fucking sick as a cunt. Can't wait to get back home, turn my fucking phone off and hit the drink. 

Happy fucking Christmas. 

 

  • Upvote 8

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26 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

So I'm supposed to be spending Christmas Day with my mother this year,  our kidder has fucked off for a 3 week cruise round the Bahamas and it's left up to muggins here to look after the old girl. 

 

First thing this morning I phone my mother to ask if she has any bread, no answer. I phone back, still no answer. I phone her land line and then her mobile again, still no fucking answer. 

Fuck this, I get a taxi round. 

 

Finally get in after almost 30 minutes of buzzing the intercom. 

 

When I do get in, she's oblivious, fannying around on her computer. Deaf as a fucking post cos she hadn't put her hearing aids in. 

 

So I decide to make some bacon  sarnies; I've brought my big  frying pan and spatter guard, brought the oil and bacon, my ma tells me there's bread in the bread bin. 

And there is: 4 stale half loaves, each rock hard, and 1 unopened loaf which has black mould on it. 

Bin the fucking lot. Zero bacon, zero breakfast. 

 

Next is some tidying up. In my mother's little 2 bedroom flat and there's just assorted Shite strewn everywhere. Seriously there's just no fucking need for her messiness, just taking the fucking piss. It takes me the best part of an hour to clean her shit up, haven't even sat down yet. 

 

Next thing she's got for me is to fix her 2 Android boxes. OK, sleeves rolled up, takes me 45 minutes. 

 

Next thing I've got to make the dinner. Okay, done that. 

 

Finally get to sit down and watch a film, fancy this new one, Bad Times at The El Royale. Stick it on and after 5 minutes she says she needs to go for a shit, or should I say ANOTHER shit, because this is the 4th one in the past 4 hours! Then she starts giving me a blow by blow, or should that be a squirt by squirt account of her latest bowel movement. 

Just waiting for the Care staff to arrive and I am thoroughly fucking sick as a cunt. Can't wait to get back home, turn my fucking phone off and hit the drink. 

Happy fucking Christmas. 

 

Ah, mate. I know how hard it is to look after a parent but you’re doing the right thing. 

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All done. Feeling, sad, proud, touched and chuffed, all in equal measure with today. Met some great people who, sadly for them, have been dealt a shit hand by life and one refugee lad from Afghanistan, who was so thankful, it almost brought a tear to this swinging brick of a blokes, eye. The lads been here just over a month and no one will talk to him where his bedsit is, as he's 'foreign'. Gave the kid a lift home and he told me that this is the most conversation he's had in the entire month he's been here and how he enjoyed the music, the food but most of all, the company.

 

Me and Mrs Butty have both agreed we will be doing this again next year.

 

Photies of the small hall we helped set up and my trifle taking pride of place on the dessert table. It went down a treat, so chuffed with that, even more so as the Afghan lad had never had trifle before and he loved it. The most fulfilling  and rewarding Christmases Ive ever had.  Now to cook mine. 

 

 

 

 

IMG_1452.JPG

IMG_1453.JPG

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Thanks lads, me and the Mrs both sitting here buzzing about it. She's had a cry abar some of the people that we met today, but overall shes chuffed and so am I. 

 

 

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15 minutes ago, Chip Butty said:

All done. Feeling, sad, proud, touched and chuffed, all in equal measure with today. Met some great people who, sadly for them, have been dealt a shit hand by life and one refugee lad from Afghanistan, who was so thankful, it almost brought a tear to this swinging brick of a blokes, eye. The lads been here just over a month and no one will talk to him where his bedsit is, as he's 'foreign'. Gave the kid a lift home and he told me that this is the most conversation he's had in the entire month he's been here and how he enjoyed the music, the food but most of all, the company.

 

Me and Mrs Butty have both agreed we will be doing this again next year.

 

Photies of the small hall we helped set up and my trifle taking pride of place on the dessert table. It went down a treat, so chuffed with that, even more so as the Afghan lad had never had trifle before and he loved it. The most fulfilling  and rewarding Christmases Ive ever had.  Now to cook mine. 

 

 

 

 

IMG_1452.JPG

IMG_1453.JPG

Brilliant work. 

 

I genuinely can't imagine how it must be for some of those feeling so isolated and alone. Fair play to you and the misses - hoping to follow suit next year. 

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36 minutes ago, Chip Butty said:

All done. Feeling, sad, proud, touched and chuffed, all in equal measure with today. Met some great people who, sadly for them, have been dealt a shit hand by life and one refugee lad from Afghanistan, who was so thankful, it almost brought a tear to this swinging brick of a blokes, eye. The lads been here just over a month and no one will talk to him where his bedsit is, as he's 'foreign'. Gave the kid a lift home and he told me that this is the most conversation he's had in the entire month he's been here and how he enjoyed the music, the food but most of all, the company.

 

Me and Mrs Butty have both agreed we will be doing this again next year.

 

Photies of the small hall we helped set up and my trifle taking pride of place on the dessert table. It went down a treat, so chuffed with that, even more so as the Afghan lad had never had trifle before and he loved it. The most fulfilling  and rewarding Christmases Ive ever had.  Now to cook mine. 

 

 

 

 

IMG_1452.JPG

IMG_1453.JPG

Out of rep, mate, but this is easily my favourite post of the year. Well done to you and Mrs Butty.

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Lunch went well

29 minutes ago, Chip Butty said:

All done. Feeling, sad, proud, touched and chuffed, all in equal measure with today. Met some great people who, sadly for them, have been dealt a shit hand by life and one refugee lad from Afghanistan, who was so thankful, it almost brought a tear to this swinging brick of a blokes, eye. The lads been here just over a month and no one will talk to him where his bedsit is, as he's 'foreign'. Gave the kid a lift home and he told me that this is the most conversation he's had in the entire month he's been here and how he enjoyed the music, the food but most of all, the company.

 

Me and Mrs Butty have both agreed we will be doing this again next year.

 

Photies of the small hall we helped set up and my trifle taking pride of place on the dessert table. It went down a treat, so chuffed with that, even more so as the Afghan lad had never had trifle before and he loved it. The most fulfilling  and rewarding Christmases Ive ever had.  Now to cook mine. 

 

 

 

 

IMG_1452.JPG

IMG_1453.JPG

Well in on that mate. Lunch went down well but I could have survived without it. I do feel guity at times.

 

Anyway, update.

 

As it appears Cockney Wanker is rolling up I have been evicted to Galactic HQ upstairs by Her Indoors as she knows I will blow. I will put some music on (loud) as they are now playing games downstairs and singing childish songs.

 

Bint looks like she's overslept  on a sunbed  and had a combine harvester reverse over her.

 

All peaceful so far but I am seriously unhappy about scum like him under this roof. I call on the GF's infinite wisdom. Shall I go down and twat the cunt? (if he turns up)

 

 

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7 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Lunch went well

Well in on that mate. Lunch went down well but I could have survived without it. I do feel guity at times.

 

Anyway, update.

 

As it appears Cockney Wanker is rolling up I have been evicted to Galactic HQ upstairs by Her Indoors as she knows I will blow. I will put some music on (loud) as they are now playing games downstairs and singing childish songs.

 

Bint looks like she's overslept  on a sunbed  and had a combine harvester reverse over her.

 

All peaceful so far but I am seriously unhappy about scum like him under this roof. I call on the GF's infinite wisdom. Shall I go down and twat the cunt? (if he turns up)

 

 

 

Yes. You can’t argue with our saviour on today of all days.

 

“Ye shall spread Christmas cheer to every man and woman on the planet with the exception of Chelsea fans. Backheel them in the bollocks. “

 

Jesus Christ. Corinthians 12:11. 

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