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Management Buzz words


Remmie
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Why don't we ask Confucius?

 

I need to stop talking to Chinese people when I'm pissed, I keep asking some poor bird in the chippy if I can cut her grass when the new order dawns. I've also had several recent debates with taxi drivers about the coming tide.

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I need to stop talking to Chinese people when I'm pissed, I keep asking some poor bird in the chippy if I can cut her grass when the new order dawns. I've also had several recent debates with taxi drivers about the coming tide.

 

You and me both mate. I came back from town late Thursday night in a particularly relaxed, yet talkative mood, so on climbing aboard the luxuriously appointed Nissan Primera minicab that was to chauffeur me home, I entered into a hot and spicy debate about the merits of Western interference around the Pakistani/Afghan borders to my host, an Afghan with fundamentalist sympathies.

 

The effect of my ill-chosen conversation on said driver was exacerbated by my assertion that most muslims of my acquaintance were out on the piss every weekend, while some indulged in the odd flutter while chasing christian women. Normally after such an exchange, I would ask the cab driver to pull up some distance from my house in order to avoid any firebomb-type retaliation. This time, I made him park outside the house while I pressed home my point before relinquishing the cash. A bad move all round.

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This is boss

 

New Statesman - Bamboozle, baffle and blindside

 

...sit in any meeting, whether at a company HQ or at a university, or be a participant in a focus group, and the discussion will invariably turn to questions of “benchmarking”, “quality assessment” and “blue-sky thinking” – as if one were sitting in sunny California rather than provincial England.

 

People will “speak to” documents, forgetting that we generally speak to other human beings rather than to pieces of paper. “Clients”, whether they be students, consumers or voters, will be “consulted” as part of some “new initiative” or other.

 

There will be “collaborations” and “partnerships” involving “stakeholders”. Participants will talk for hours and hours in an upbeat, aspirational way. And there will be coffee and biscuits, and people will congratulate one another at the end for such a “wonderfully productive session”. And yet nothing will really have been said.

 

And certainly nothing will have been done – nothing good, at least. It’s not that we have to lie about production figures, as the Stalinist broadcasts by Orwell’s Big Brother did; rather that we have to compensate for the way we barely produce anything at all by becoming obsessed with “innovation”.

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Fire Blanket, Deep Dive Sector 7 are the phrases I have been hearing of late.

 

I just like to use "I concur" a lot, especially first thing on a Monday morning after a heavy weekend. Basically I'm pointing out one of two things.

 

1. I can't be arsed talking about the subject being debated

 

or

 

2. I haven't got a clue.

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Doesn't pro-active basically mean use your initiative? Do something without having to be told?
No, more along the lines of planning ahead and addressing an issue before it becomes a problem or preparing for an opportunity.
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