How do you answer this

[Nunavut Patrick]

Picked up my 11 year old daughter from school for lunch and she asks me:

 

Dad, what's masturbation?

 

 

So I answered it the only way I could- I think it's a medical term so ask your mother, she's the nurse.

[Captain]

Good escape, NP.

[Alan Sex]

explaining masturbation

 

or, alternatively, "it's what I should have done the night you were conceived, dear".

[Alan Sex]

I'm giving up wankin' this morning

I never thought that i could

I'm feeling better already

and this time i'm off it for good

 

When the first time i wanked i thought i was so clever

and all of me mates , they were mugs

thought i was the first

bloke here on earth

who'd ever played with his slug

 

It was me own little secret

and i never told anyone

and the feelin' i got

the first time i shot

was like chooks flying out o' me bum

 

I'm giving up wankin' tomorrow

i never thought that i could

then i won't get these bad headaches

and then i'll be off it for good

 

I've wanked in some unlikly places

the shower , the beach and the pool

a dunny , a tram and the pictures

and biology classes ay school

 

And once me grandmother caught me

wankin' meself in me room

but to her surprise

i just shut me eyes

and imagined her standin' there nude

 

I'm giving up wankin' come tuesday

i never thought that i could

and then i won't skwint like i do now

and then i'll be off it for good

 

Me dad says it's gonna take willpower

there really is no easy trick

i honestly thought i'd need surgery

to help get me hand of me prick

 

Me dads been a great inspiration

he really has been a great help

he knows what i go through

and just what to do

'cause he give it up yesterday himself

 

so i'm giving up wankin' next friday

i never thought that i could

and i'll throw away these thick glasses

and then i'll be off it for good

 

so if you say you don't w ank you're a liar

and a fool if you say that you do

so the next time you see Prince Charles on TV

remember he wanks himself too

 

So i'm giving up wankin' come christmas

i never thought that i could

and i'll sell me dog and me white cane

and then i'll be off it for good

and i'll throw away me dark glasses

and then i'll be off it for good.

[Alan Sex]

STOP MASTURBATING WITH JESUS!

 

this is one of the funniest things I have ever read!

[tokyojoe]

STOP MASTURBATING WITH JESUS!

 

this is one of the funniest things I have ever read!

 

Hilarious. I've never thought of mayonnaise that way before.

[Anny Road]

 

Class

[Guest molbyscorchio]

Picked up my 11 year old daughter from school for lunch and she asks me:

 

Dad, what's masturbation?

 

 

So I answered it the only way I could- I think it's a medical term so ask your mother, she's the nurse.

 

Last year my partner's 10 year old nearly caused me to crash the car by asking "What's a blow job?"

After the panic had subsided I decided to think laterally and replied "about 30 quid". Her mother didn't see the funny side.

[Stu Monty]

I'm giving up wankin' this morning

I never thought that i could

I'm feeling better already

and this time i'm off it for good

 

When the first time i wanked i thought i was so clever

and all of me mates , they were mugs

thought i was the first

bloke here on earth

who'd ever played with his slug

 

It was me own little secret

and i never told anyone

and the feelin' i got

the first time i shot

was like chooks flying out o' me bum

 

I'm giving up wankin' tomorrow

i never thought that i could

then i won't get these bad headaches

and then i'll be off it for good

 

I've wanked in some unlikly places

the shower , the beach and the pool

a dunny , a tram and the pictures

and biology classes ay school

 

And once me grandmother caught me

wankin' meself in me room

but to her surprise

i just shut me eyes

and imagined her standin' there nude

 

I'm giving up wankin' come tuesday

i never thought that i could

and then i won't skwint like i do now

and then i'll be off it for good

 

Me dad says it's gonna take willpower

there really is no easy trick

i honestly thought i'd need surgery

to help get me hand of me prick

 

Me dads been a great inspiration

he really has been a great help

he knows what i go through

and just what to do

'cause he give it up yesterday himself

 

so i'm giving up wankin' next friday

i never thought that i could

and i'll throw away these thick glasses

and then i'll be off it for good

 

so if you say you don't w ank you're a liar

and a fool if you say that you do

so the next time you see Prince Charles on TV

remember he wanks himself too

 

So i'm giving up wankin' come christmas

i never thought that i could

and i'll sell me dog and me white cane

and then i'll be off it for good

and i'll throw away me dark glasses

and then i'll be off it for good.

 

Kevin Bloody Wilson?

[chrisbonnie]

Picked up my 11 year old daughter from school for lunch and she asks me:

 

Dad, what's masturbation?

 

 

So I answered it the only way I could- I think it's a medical term so ask your mother, she's the nurse.

 

quick thinking there buddy, danger averted, ever think of becoming a risk assesment consultant? :whistle: