Worst Lyrics in the World... Ever!

[Josef Svejk]

Just heard the following by Coldplay on the radio. And people say they're college boys!

 

***

 

Oh, brother, I can’t, I can’t get through

I’ve been trying hard to reach you

Cause I don’t know what to do

Oh, brother, I can’t believe it’s true

I’m so scared about the future

And I want to talk to you

Oh, I want to talk to you

 

You could take a picture of something you see

In the future where will I be

You could climb a ladder up to the sun

Or write a song nobody had sung

Or do something that’s never been done

 

Are you lost or incomplete

Do you feel like a puzzle

You can’t find your missing piece

Tell me how you feel

Well, I feel like they’re talking in a language I don’t speak

And they’re talking it to me

 

So you take a picture of something you see

In the future where will I be

You could climb a ladder up to the sun

Or write a song nobody had sung

Or do something that’s never been done

Or do something that’s never been done

 

So you don’t know where you’re going

And you want to talk

And you feel like you’re going where you’ve been before

You'll tell anyone who’ll listen but you feel ignored

And nothing’s really making any sense at all

Let’s talk, let’s talk

Let’s talk, let’s talk

 

***

 

For more of this poetic genius head over to http://www.alwaysontherun.net/coldplay.htm

 

Are there any other worse bands, lyrically? Only one I can think of cam up with this Miltonian masterpiece:

 

***

 

It's not worth anything,

More than this at all.

I'll live as I choose,

Or I will not live at all.

 

So return to where you come from,

Return to where you dwell,

Because harassment's not my forte,

But you do it very well.

 

I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide,

And I'm not so suicidal after all.

I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide,

And I'm not so suicidal after all,

At all, at all, at all.

 

You must have nothing,

More with your time to do.

There's a war in Russia,

And Sarajevo too.

 

So to hell with what you're thinking,

And to hell with your narrow mind,

You're so distracted from the real thing,

You should leave your life behind, behind.

 

'Cause I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide,

And I'm not so suicidal after all,

I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide,

And I'm not so suicidal after all,

At all, at all, at all.

 

I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide,

And I'm not so suicidal after all,

At all, at all, at all.

 

***

 

Collected works available at http://www.alwaysontherun.net/cranber.htm

[plonky]

Kate Bush - Mrs. Bartolozzi

====================

I remember it was that Wednesday

Oh when it rained and it rained

They traipsed mud all over the house

It took hours and hours to scrub it out

All over the hall carpet

I took my mop and bucket

And I cleaned and I cleaned

The kitchen floor

Until it sparkled

Then I took my laundry basket

And put the linen all in it

And everything I could fit in it

And all our dirty clothes that hadn’t gone into the wash

And all your shirts and jeans and things

And put them in the new washing machine

Washing machine

Washing machine

 

I watched them go ‘round and ‘round

My blouse wrapping itself in your trousers

Oh the waves are going out

My skirt floating up around my waist

As I wade out into the surf

Oh and the waves are coming in

Oh and the waves are going out

Oh and you’re standing right behind me

Little fish swim between my legs

Oh and the waves are coming in

Oh and the waves are going out

Oh and the waves are coming in

Out of the corner of my eye

I think I see you standing outside

But it’s just your shirt

Hanging on the washing line

Waving its arm as the wind blows by

And it looks so alive

Nice and white

Just like its climbed right out

Of my washing machine

Washing machine

Washing machine

 

Slooshy sloshy slooshy sloshy

Get that dirty shirty clean

Slooshy sloshy slooshy sloshy

Make those cuffs and collars gleam

Everything clean and shiny

 

Washing machine

Washing machine

Washing machine

[Josef Svejk]

And she's supposed to be a "serious" artist. I fucking hate Kate Bush...

[kop]

*snorting*

It was a dusty old night

and I'm the first to admit it

I'm sure i upset someone

But my memory has chosen to omit it

 

A tiny voice was telling me

i should cool it

Chewing my face off

talking absolute rubbish

 

The first line hit me like a kick in the face

Thought I better have another one just in case

Next thing i knew my heart was under attack

Bought a one way ticket to hell....

 

And Back!

One Way Ticket to hell and back

Bought a one way ticket to hell and back

One way ticket to hell and back

Bought a one way ticket to hell and back

 

I'm always trying to keep my vices under wraps

But a coach load of mutes would appear talkative chaps

They seemed fit to join me for a couple of hits

But my septum is in tatters

And I've still got the runs

 

Burn for a moment then you kick like a mule

Strangers are agreeing that it was rocket fuel

Several massive chocking lines of glorious gak

Bought a one way ticket to hell...

 

And back!

One Way Ticket to hell and back

Bought a one way ticket to hell and back

One way ticket to hell and back

Bought a one way ticket to hell and back

 

[sitar/effects]

Stick it up your f*cking nose! Woohoo!

[solo]

 

Holy coke, repeating myself, except I'm getting slightly louder

Pausing long enough to snort that white powder

Wheels steering off but I'm still on track

Bought a one way ticket to hell

 

And back!

One way ticket to hell and back(yeah)

Bought a one way ticket to hell and back(ooh yeah)

One way ticket to hell and back,

Bought a one way ticket to hell (oooh yeaah)

 

One way ticket to hell and back(woo!)

Bought a one way ticket to hell and back

One way ticket to hell and back,

Bought a one way ticket to hell...

 

**********************************************

 

..........that's bad........ :no

[Josef Svejk]

That's pretty fucking bad! Source?!

[kop]

That's pretty fucking bad! Source?!

 

The Darkness

 

http://www.lyrics007.com/Darkness%20Lyrics/One%20Way%20Ticket%20Lyrics.html

 

I always get this urge to kill my radio everytime I hear that one. I usually promise myself to buy a shotgun to have around just to shoot it next time it's on, but then I cool off when it's finished. One way ticket to hell......and back!

 

And back, for fucks sake!!! It's a motherfuckingonewayticketyoucuntflap!!!

[Josef Svejk]

But, understand, there are lyrics that are so (intentionally) bad that they amount to genius. Case in point:

 

***

 

She went away for the holidays

Said she's going to L.A.

But she never got there

She never got there

She never got there, they say

 

The KKK took my baby away

They took her away

Away from me

The KKK took my baby away

They took her away

Away from me

 

Now I don't know

Where my baby can be

They took her from me

They took her from me

I don't know

Where my baby can be

They took her from me

They took her from me

 

Ring me, ring me ring me

Up the President

And find out

Where my baby went

Ring me, ring me, ring me

Up the FBI

And find out if

My baby's alive

Yeah, yeah, yeah

 

o o o o o o

o o o o o o

 

She went away for the holidays

 

The KKK took my baby away

 

They took my girl

They took my baby away

[Vincent Vega]

There isn't anyone anywhere worse lyrically than Oasis:

 

Cigarettes And Alcohol

 

Is it my imagination

Or have I finally found something worth living for?

I was looking for some action

But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol

 

You could wait for a lifetime

To spend your days in the sunshine

You might as well do the white line

Cos when it comes on top . . .

 

You gotta make it happen!

 

Is it worth the aggravation

To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?

It's a crazy situation

But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!

 

You could wait for a lifetime

To spend your days in the sunshine

You might as well do the white line

Cos when it comes on top . . .

 

You gotta make it happen!

[Josef Svejk]

Yeah, but they're from Manchester, so you assume stupidity...

[DT]

I think this has been on here before - posted by Aidan IIRC (All restbonus of course)

 

The Clash:

 

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

 

If I go there will be trouble

and if I stay it will be double....

 

- - - - -

 

I fail to spot the dilemma.

[Stu Monty]

Chico.

 

"You can get delirious if you take life too serious".

 

It makes no sense you twat; delerium is good. Your 15 minutes are up, now off you fuck.

[Paul]

"Cooking MCs like a pound of bacon." - Vanilla Ice.

 

"I'm as serious as cancer when I say that rhythm is a dancer." - Snap.

[plonky]

Desree's "Life" takes some beating for shiteness

 

Ooh, Yeah

Oh yeah

Oh Life

Oh Life

I'm afraid of the dark

Especially when I'm in the park

When there's no one else around

Oh I get the shivers

I don't wanna see a ghost

It's the sight that I fear most

I'd rather have a piece of toast

Watch the evening news

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

I'm a superstitious girl

I'm the worst in the world

Never walk under ladders

I keep a rabbits' tail

I'll take you up on a dare

Anytime, anywhere

Name the place, I'll be there

Bungee jumping, I don't care

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

Life

So after all's said and done

I know I'm not the only one

Life indeed can be fun

If you really want to

Sometimes living out your dreams

Ain't as easy as it seems

You wanna fly around the world

In a beautiful balloon

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

Life, oh life

Oh life, oh life

Oh life, oh life..

[DJLJ]

Not sure whats worse, the lyrics or you all being able to remember them...

[Josef Svejk]

Not sure whats worse, the lyrics or you all being able to remember them...

 

Ever heard of Google?

[Josef Svejk]

Desree's "Life" takes some beating for shiteness.

 

You've convinced me... Toast?!

[DJLJ]

Ever heard of Google?

Whats that?

[Josef Svejk]

Some search engine for exotic porn, I believe...

[Kurt]

There`s nothing worse that DDE...

 

" Rompa mi...Æ e så gla i rompa mi"

 

:no

[Spy Bee]

There isn't anyone anywhere worse lyrically than Oasis:

 

Cigarettes And Alcohol

 

Is it my imagination

Or have I finally found something worth living for?

I was looking for some action

But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol

 

You could wait for a lifetime

To spend your days in the sunshine

You might as well do the white line

Cos when it comes on top . . .

 

You gotta make it happen!

 

Is it worth the aggravation

To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?

It's a crazy situation

But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!

 

You could wait for a lifetime

To spend your days in the sunshine

You might as well do the white line

Cos when it comes on top . . .

 

You gotta make it happen!

You are a cunt! That's a great song!

 

Anyway...

 

 

I think that Gwen Steffani as fit as she is made herself a symbol of mockery when she said

 

"I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy

girl"

 

Well all the rest of it too. If she had "all the money in the world" she wouldn't even be slightly wealthy because money would mean fuck all. She just makes herself sound like some meglamaniac tosser!

 

Drunk... need bed...wavey wmilie

[Remmie]

I believe it was B*witched who sang:

 

"show me a house with windows and doors, I'll show you mine if you show me yours"

 

5ive (God how I hate myself for writing their names this way):

 

"Wiggy wiggy wiggy, I'm gettin' jiggy"

 

Busted:

 

"Boybands, and another one, and another one, AND another one"

 

In fact I think I've posted the above virtually word for word before on here, I'll search and bump (not a lyric)

[Total Longo]

But, understand, there are lyrics that are so (intentionally) bad that they amount to genius. Case in point:

 

***

 

She went away for the holidays

Said she's going to L.A.

But she never got there

She never got there

She never got there, they say

 

The KKK took my baby away

They took her away

Away from me

The KKK took my baby away

They took her away

Away from me

 

Now I don't know

Where my baby can be

They took her from me

They took her from me

I don't know

Where my baby can be

They took her from me

They took her from me

 

Ring me, ring me ring me

Up the President

And find out

Where my baby went

Ring me, ring me, ring me

Up the FBI

And find out if

My baby's alive

Yeah, yeah, yeah

 

o o o o o o

o o o o o o

 

She went away for the holidays

 

The KKK took my baby away

 

They took my girl

They took my baby away

 

 

Hey! Joey Ramone was a fucking genius. Now if it's gobbledygook lyricists you want, step forward, Mr Simon Le Bon...

 

"i shed my skin

 

when the party was about to begin

 

i'm light years away but i'm walking back tonight

 

of all nights

 

when i should be feeling just right

 

don't want to be in public

 

my head is full of chopstick

 

i don't like it"

 

 

My head is full of what????? or...

 

 

"People stare and cross the road from me

 

And jungle drums they all clear the way for me

 

Can you read my mind, can you see in the snow

 

and fiery demons all dance when you walk through that door

 

Don't say you're easy on me, you're about as easy as a nuclear war

 

 

 

Please, please tell me now

 

Is there something I should know?"

 

 

Yes, Simon, there is. You are a fucking lipstick wearing, pretentious lyric writing, fat arsehole.

[Spy Bee]

You are a cunt!

:sniff:

 

That was a bit harsh. Sorry.

[sh#t waffle]

There isn't anyone anywhere worse lyrically than Oasis:

 

Cigarettes And Alcohol

 

Is it my imagination

Or have I finally found something worth living for?

I was looking for some action

But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol

 

You could wait for a lifetime

To spend your days in the sunshine

You might as well do the white line

Cos when it comes on top . . .

 

You gotta make it happen!

 

Is it worth the aggravation

To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?

It's a crazy situation

But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!

 

You could wait for a lifetime

To spend your days in the sunshine

You might as well do the white line

Cos when it comes on top . . .

 

You gotta make it happen!

Agree those lyrics look toot written down, but actually think it's a brilliant lyric when sung. As is most of Definitely Maybe. Very unfair call I reckon. Now, I Can See a Liar on the other hand...

[Guest TK-421]

I'd be interested to see worse lyrics than Turn by Travis:-

 

I want to see what people saw

I want to feel like I felt before

I want to see the kingdom come

I want to feel forever young

I want to sing

To sing my song

I want to live in a world where I belong

I want to live

I will survive

And I believe that it won’t be very long

If we turn turn turn turn turn

Then we might learn

So where’s the stars

Up in the sky

And what’s the moon

A big balloon

We’ll never know unless we grow

There’s so much world outside the door

I want to sing

To sing my song

I want to live in a world where I’ll be strong

I want to live

I will survive

And I believe that it won’t be very long

If we turn turn turn turn turn

And if we turn turn turn turn

Then we might learn

Turn turn turn turn

Turn turn turn

And if we turn turn turn turn

Then we might learn

Learn to turn

 

Look how he rhymed turn with learn. Do you see? Genius that is.