Wank Phrases people use at work.

[NoelM]

See Also : Huddle.

 

And "Sprints" is the new word of the day.

[lifetime fan]

[Rippa]

Let's not re-invent the wheel....why not i wanna make a triangular shaped one like a toblerone!!!

[Champ]

All of a sudden forms are now 'populated' or 'not populated,' as the case may be. What was wrong with filling them in?

[Remmie]

Something is 'unacceptable' or do task x 'without fail'.

 

It just completely reeks of entitlement and is almost always uttered by someone not entitled to whatever they are demanding. They also think their the bees bollocks when they say stuff like that. Cunty little jumped up cunts.

[Rico1304]

Our business is run by PowerPoint, if it's not on a slide it doesn't exist. I spend 40% of my week putting together presentations. For those in a similar predicament try Flatiron.com for decent icons and pictures to 'jazz up' your presentations. Because that's what they need - jazzing up.

[ZonkoVille77]

PowerPoint is for cunts.

[Bjornebye]

Work is wank

[Paulie Dangerously]

In a meeting: "Shall we take this offline?"

 

Meaning: we've dropped a bollock but don't want it in the minutes because people might use it to pin the fuck up on us. Let's weasel out of it away from official ears

[Champ]

'Channel shifting' ie putting as much contact online as possible so you can get rid of staff

[Chip Butty]

Journey: every new way of doing things is a journey - Lean Journey, 5S Journey, Drive to 5(air pressure) Journey.  The fuck off and die in a hole journey, has not been started yet.

 

Sector: everything is sector now, because some top brass mentioned it once, all the arse licks are saying it like its going out of fashion.  

 

And they're all adding 'Caveats' to every fuckin conversation, when there is absolutely need for it. Half of them don't even know what it means.

 

People 'get that',  well good, now fuck off seeing as you do and we don't need to discuss it any more you horrific cunt. 

[lifetime fan]

Soft skill set.

[Champ]

'Channel shifting' ie putting as much contact online as possible so you can get rid of staff

 

The world of local government cuts has given rise to all manner of shit like the above.

 

Everything now is judged under the BOLD banner......Better Outcomes Leaner Delivery.

 

I particularly despise this 'lean' nonsense which I'd spotted in your rant, Chippy

[Chip Butty]

The world of local government cuts has given rise to all manner of shit like the above.

 

Everything now is judged under the BOLD banner......Better Outcomes Leaner Delivery.

 

I particularly despise this 'lean' nonsense which I'd spotted in your rant, Chippy

Champs, if you say anything against Lean in my business, its career suicide. Lean, Gemba, 5S and kanban and Kaizen - Load of bollocks. 

 

I have 6 Engineers who work for me and I've had to take all their tool boxes off of them, throw thousands of pounds of tools away and have them share tool boxes with another 18 Engineer. Its heart breaking. 

 

Tim Woods can suck my cock. 

[Rico1304]

Journey: every new way of doing things is a journey - Lean Journey, 5S Journey, Drive to 5(air pressure) Journey.  The fuck off and die in a hole journey, has not been started yet.

 

Sector: everything is sector now, because some top brass mentioned it once, all the arse licks are saying it like its going out of fashion.  

 

And they're all adding 'Caveats' to every fuckin conversation, when there is absolutely need for it. Half of them don't even know what it means.

 

People 'get that',  well good, now fuck off seeing as you do and we don't need to discuss it any more you horrific cunt.

 

Customer journeys...

[Trumo]

The world of local government cuts has given rise to all manner of shit like the above.

 

Everything now is judged under the BOLD banner......Better Outcomes Leaner Delivery.

 

I particularly despise this 'lean' nonsense which I'd spotted in your rant, Chippy

 

I fucking hate that. "Can you deliver that report by Friday morning?" No, I will produce that report by Friday morning and send it to you. I'm not delivering it.

[General Dryness]

Champion. Service Champion, Training Champion, {insert system name here} Champion.

 

Champion. Fuck off.

[Roidster]

Talent acquisition manager. Ffs.

[Mad Erik]

Direction of travel.

[Bob]

 

http://giphy.com/gifs/7ho4YYeTRQbqU

[Harry Squatter]

Flight risk

[Harry Squatter]

Quick wins or even worse - low hanging fruit.

[Roidster]

Communication champion. Communication toolkit. IT system superuser. Utter utter bollox.

[Paulie Dangerously]

"Can I have a soft copy of that?" You want it emailed then you quivering melt?

[Bjornebye]

"Good weekend?"

 

Especially when it's the office twat who is only asking because they want you to ask about theirs so they can tell you how important and great and shit and aids ridden and rich and shit and fuckety fucking fuck fuck boring they are.

 

VIP at usher? Die in a sinking pig skin car in a pool of fire breathing piranha's you slag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An wash your twat.