Adoption

[Sut]

Apologies if there is already a thread about this, I did a quick search but can't seem to find one.

 

We've had a bit of a tough time the last 18 months. We went for our 12/13 week scan in May last year and were told our baby had no heartbeat. It was without a doubt the most horrific thing I've ever experienced, given that 3 weeks before we'd gone for one of those private ones and had seen the baby moving and heard their heart beating away. We had to have tests done through the Women's Hospital in January and in March found out that while our chances of conceiving again weren't quite 0, they were as close to it as the specialist had ever seen. Fertility treatment would be pointless.

 

We decided to look into adoption and had a call with AiM (Adoption in Merseyside), who advised us we wouldn't be able to at that time, but to get in touch in August to see where we were. We're just off the phone with them now; someone is going to be in touch about coming out for our initial home visit in September and then we can continue with the process.

 

I was wondering if anyone on the forum has any experience of adoption, and could give me some advice? Obviously this is a very personal issue and I understand if people wouldn't want to write about their own experience on a public forum.

[lifetime fan]

Heart goes out to you mate and your wife. 

[Remmie]

I'm not clued up on this whatsoever so going to give some probably unhelpful suggestions. Are there other irons in the fire you can look into? Surely you can look elsewhere whilst continuing to work with AIM? Is adopting a foreign child an option? I think fostering might also be another avenue as many foster arrangements evolve into adoptions.

 

Best of luck, I hope it all works out for you.

[YorkshireRed]

I wish I could offer you advice. My eldest sister is adopted and she is now a foster mother herself. No idea how it all works though. 
 

I absolutely wish you all the best, with happier times ahead. You and your wife deserve it. 

[Sut]

@Remmie We can only go through the process with one agency at a time. If we're going through Merseyside and start the process in Manchester, say, the process here gets stopped. I'd not thought about overseas so I'll look into that, thanks.

 

@YorkshireRed Fostering is something we've discussed if we don't have any luck with the adoption agency.

 

Thanks lads.

[Jairzinho]

Bulgaria is supposed to be the easiest European country to adopt from. I remember from a year or so ago when my girlfriend and I considered it.

[Section_31]

Me and my mrs did character references for some friends of ours to adopt, it fell through sadly as my mate left his job with anxiety.

 

I might be wrong but they won't accept you if you're on things like anti depressants, which is bonkers as some people are depressed because they can't have kids. Don't take that as read though.

 

Also I'm not sure if different councils have different professes so it could be worth contacting some different ones. Some other friends of ours were dealing with a Christian adoption agency and they were far stricter I think than most.

[Bruce Spanner]

Without being too downbeat the UK system tends to be ‘earn your stripes’ first through fostering, and these will tend to be older kids.

 

The chances of a new born are slim, so fostering into full adoption tends to be the most usual route, that’s not to say it always works that way.

 

This is based on my ex’s dad and his partner who were going through it a decade or so back.

 

Though they, cynically, milked the fostering side of things without any real desire to fully adopt the older kids.

[Kevin D]

 

1 hour ago, Sut said:

Apologies if there is already a thread about this, I did a quick search but can't seem to find one.

 

We've had a bit of a tough time the last 18 months. We went for our 12/13 week scan in May last year and were told our baby had no heartbeat. It was without a doubt the most horrific thing I've ever experienced, given that 3 weeks before we'd gone for one of those private ones and had seen the baby moving and heard their heart beating away. We had to have tests done through the Women's Hospital in January and in March found out that while our chances of conceiving again weren't quite 0, they were as close to it as the specialist had ever seen. Fertility treatment would be pointless.

 

We decided to look into adoption and had a call with AiM (Adoption in Merseyside), who advised us we wouldn't be able to at that time, but to get in touch in August to see where we were. We're just off the phone with them now; someone is going to be in touch about coming out for our initial home visit in September and then we can continue with the process.

 

I was wondering if anyone on the forum has any experience of adoption, and could give me some advice? Obviously this is a very personal issue and I understand if people wouldn't want to write about their own experience on a public forum.

 

 

Delete your posting history and deny ever having used this forum.

[Sut]

4 minutes ago, Kevin D said:

 

 

 

Delete your posting history and deny ever having used this forum.

The thought has crossed my mind.

[Curly]

So sorry to hear about your troubles over the last 18 months, mate.

 

All the best with the adoption process - there are plenty of kids out there needing loving homes, and I’m sure you’ll make a lucky little one really happy.

[tokyojoe]

9 hours ago, Sut said:

Apologies if there is already a thread about this, I did a quick search but can't seem to find one.

 

We've had a bit of a tough time the last 18 months. We went for our 12/13 week scan in May last year and were told our baby had no heartbeat. It was without a doubt the most horrific thing I've ever experienced, given that 3 weeks before we'd gone for one of those private ones and had seen the baby moving and heard their heart beating away. We had to have tests done through the Women's Hospital in January and in March found out that while our chances of conceiving again weren't quite 0, they were as close to it as the specialist had ever seen. Fertility treatment would be pointless.

 

We decided to look into adoption and had a call with AiM (Adoption in Merseyside), who advised us we wouldn't be able to at that time, but to get in touch in August to see where we were. We're just off the phone with them now; someone is going to be in touch about coming out for our initial home visit in September and then we can continue with the process.

 

I was wondering if anyone on the forum has any experience of adoption, and could give me some advice? Obviously this is a very personal issue and I understand if people wouldn't want to write about their own experience on a public forum.

All the best to you mate. I was adopted as a baby and was lucky to be brought up by a wonderful Mum and Dad.

 

They told me I had been adopted before I started school. Her Indoors has done some digging but I'm not too bothered about natural parents. I do know my birth name and sounds like I may qualify for an Irish Passport.

 

Not sure what age kid you are likely adopt but make sure he / she knows early. A bloke HI worked with wasn't told until he was in his 20s. Fucked him up big time.

 

Whatever happens, I sincerely wish you both the best.

[Sut]

Thanks TJ, that was the plan we were going with if we get that far, I think. A friend of mine was adopted and she said she wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Thanks for all your kind words and advice lads.

[Red Banjo]

On 20/08/2024 at 09:50, Sut said:

Apologies if there is already a thread about this, I did a quick search but can't seem to find one.

 

We've had a bit of a tough time the last 18 months. We went for our 12/13 week scan in May last year and were told our baby had no heartbeat. It was without a doubt the most horrific thing I've ever experienced, given that 3 weeks before we'd gone for one of those private ones and had seen the baby moving and heard their heart beating away. We had to have tests done through the Women's Hospital in January and in March found out that while our chances of conceiving again weren't quite 0, they were as close to it as the specialist had ever seen. Fertility treatment would be pointless.

 

We decided to look into adoption and had a call with AiM (Adoption in Merseyside), who advised us we wouldn't be able to at that time, but to get in touch in August to see where we were. We're just off the phone with them now; someone is going to be in touch about coming out for our initial home visit in September and then we can continue with the process.

 

I was wondering if anyone on the forum has any experience of adoption, and could give me some advice? Obviously this is a very personal issue and I understand if people wouldn't want to write about their own experience on a public forum.

 

I seem to have had the same story as you here mate.

 

We've been through 5 rounds of IVF with multiple frozen embryo cycles over the years and we had the same thing happen at 11 weeks a couple of years back.

 

My mrs is in her final year at Uni so we are looking into the adoption process around December/January - as we've heard the vetting can take 6 months or more, and I don't want her too distracted before she graduates. We've had an initial meeting with one private agency last year but they basically told us we'd have to rehome our dog as they absolutely would not let a child come into a home with an animal. She nearly told them to fuck off on the spot. Our dog has been our rock through the fertility nightmare we've been living so there was never any chance we'd do that.

 

Anyway - I'm happy to field any (albeit limited) questions I might be able to help you with.

 

I'm sorry you've had to endure this shite too. Best of luck to you both.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Red Banjo said:

 

I seem to have had the same story as you here mate.

 

We've been through 5 rounds of IVF with multiple frozen embryo cycles over the years and we had the same thing happen at 11 weeks a couple of years back.

 

My mrs is in her final year at Uni so we are looking into the adoption process around December/January - as we've heard the vetting can take 6 months or more, and I don't want her too distracted before she graduates. We've had an initial meeting with one private agency last year but they basically told us we'd have to rehome our dog as they absolutely would not let a child come into a home with an animal. She nearly told them to fuck off on the spot. Our dog has been our rock through the fertility nightmare we've been living so there was never any chance we'd do that.

 

Anyway - I'm happy to field any (albeit limited) questions I might be able to help you with.

 

I'm sorry you've had to endure this shite too. Best of luck to you both.

Best wishes mate xx

 

IVF is a tough gig. We’re going through our second go. 

[Red Banjo]

26 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Best wishes mate xx

 

IVF is a tough gig. We’re going through our second go. 

 

Hope it turns into success for you bud. A thoroughly retched process, that no one should have to endure.

[Bjornebye]

10 minutes ago, Red Banjo said:

 

Hope it turns into success for you bud. A thoroughly retched process, that no one should have to endure.

It will be worth it in the end for both of us x

[Anubis]

So sorry about your baby.

 

My brother is adopted. We had fostered him for a while before his parents decided they didn’t want him as they had too many kids. Then went on to have another kid after the adoption.

 

Ours went very smoothly. As he was 7 we were encouraged to do a book showing how he came from birth to adoption for him to look back on - photos and stuff. He went to the adoption hearing and the Judge was brilliant, asking him if he wanted to stay and letting him try the wig out for size. It was easier because it wasn’t contested and the Social Services and the court were very helpful. This was 40 years ago so one would hope it’s improved even further since.

 

About 15 years back his mum tried to reconnect with him via the Trisha show and he fucked her off.

 

In the last 5 years he found some of his brothers and his sister on Facebook and has reconnected with them, but he still sees himself as part of our family.

 

I know it may not be what you originally wanted, but you can make a massive difference to a child’s life by adopting.

[andye1772]

My wife an I have been through the adoption process twice and we adopted a little girl who was 3 and a boy who was 18 months old.  They are both 20 and 15 years old now and we have been through a lot of ups and downs with them but not really any more so than you would with a biological child.

 

It is the most rewarding thing we have ever done and hopefully we have made a positive difference to their lives and given them a stable and happy childhood.

 

Once our two children leave home we are looking to foster as there are so many children out there who need help so if anyone is thinking about adoption I would advise you to do it.

 

If anyone wants to know more about adoption then send me a PM and I will be happy to have a chat about it.

[Bobby Hundreds]

My dad was a doorstep baby and the people whose doorstep he was left upon raised him his entire life. About the only decent thing his mother did was pick the right house.

[Sut]

Thanks lads. 

 

Anubis, that book idea seems to be adopted practice at the moment - we've been told that the kids will have a file explaining their heritage etc. We're both on the same page regarding letting them know.

 

Andy I'll take you up on that.

 

Our initial visit went well, the representative they sent out was lovely and she recommended us to start the process. We've a form to fill out and then medicals, interviews and references to be scrutinised.

 

[Sut]

10 minutes ago, andye1772 said:

My wife an I have been through the adoption process twice and we adopted a little girl who was 3 and a boy who was 18 months old.  They are both 20 and 15 years old now and we have been through a lot of ups and downs with them but not really any more so than you would with a biological child.

 

It is the most rewarding thing we have ever done and hopefully we have made a positive difference to their lives and given them a stable and happy childhood.

 

Once our two children leave home we are looking to foster as there are so many children out there who need help so if anyone is thinking about adoption I would advise you to do it.

 

If anyone wants to know more about adoption then send me a PM and I will be happy to have a chat about it.

Your first post in the fourteen years you've been a member? Excellent lurking.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Good luck to both of you Pete. What you can give to a young human is phenomenal. 
 

Especially those hand drawn birthday cards.

[Sut]

Cheers Mike. Again, thank you to everyone for your kind words and advice.

 

We spent five hours yesterday filling in the first of what I assume will be many forms. After the preliminary forms, calls with the agency, initial visit from an adoption agency rep and receiving her recommendation for adoption (on the adopting, not being adopted side, I think we're too old for that), we're starting the actual first stage of the process.

 

It's going to be a long process, but it feels like it's actually happening now. 

[lifetime fan]

47 minutes ago, Sut said:

Cheers Mike. Again, thank you to everyone for your kind words and advice.

 

We spent five hours yesterday filling in the first of what I assume will be many forms. After the preliminary forms, calls with the agency, initial visit from an adoption agency rep and receiving her recommendation for adoption (on the adopting, not being adopted side, I think we're too old for that), we're starting the actual first stage of the process.

 

It's going to be a long process, but it feels like it's actually happening now. 

The very best of luck mate, the world needs more people like you and your missus.