Premier League Round Up (Aug 5-7 2022)

[tlw content]

This is usually the round up I most enjoy writing every season. The first week of a new campaign is great because absence makes the heart grow fonder and you’ve got the added bonus of newly promoted teams and loads of new signings throughout the league. So it’s an interesting, fun weekend. Unless you fail to beat one of those newly promoted teams and then the entire weekend is turned to shit.

 

After our game I virtually checked out for the weekend. Didn’t watch the other live games and I’m only getting around to watching Match of the Day now, on Thursday. And only because I have to for the purpose of this. That draw with Fulham killed my new season buzz stone dead. Playing catch up to City already? Fucks sake.

 

I even broke my own rule and immediately regretted it. I almost never watch City unless I know that they’ve dropped points or I’m very confident they are about to. For some inexplicable reason I switched on for five minutes of their game at West Ham on Sunday. It was 0-0 at the time, so I flicked it on partly because the Hammers gave them such a good game a few months ago and partly because of a morbid curiosity as to whether Haaland’s arrival would have a negative impact on how they play.

 

In that five minutes I don’t remember West Ham even touching the ball and the camera was rarely off Haaland’s horrendous grid. He won and scored a penalty and that was me done. TV off, cursing myself for breaking my own rule and lamenting further the two points dropped at Fulham. Fucks sake.

 

Such was the extent of my sulk at the weekend I didn’t even feel like laughing at United. That’s not the case now, I’m watching these highlights a few days later and just marvelling at the depths they continue to plumb. I’m not surprised, I expected them to lose to Brighton because Brighton are a better team. I’m not saying that to take the piss either, it’s just the truth. United finished higher in the table, largely off the back of Ronaldo’s goals, but Brighton are a much better unit. Better coached, better organised, better to watch. They look like a football team, United look like a fucking shambles, utterly reliant on moments of individual skill from the good, but not great, attacking players they have.

 

Brighton battered them at the back end of last season and this was more of the same. They didn’t have the goals to show for it this time, but they dominated the first half. United beat us 4-0 a few weeks ago and while I highly doubt the hard core support were in any way fooled by that, United twitter on the other hand went the full Arsenal and were smelling themselves big time. How are you smelling now, knobheads?

 

We shouldn’t be surprised that they looked confused in that first half though. After all, their captain had them lining up on the wrong side of the tunnel before they came out. Incredible. That’s his home fucking stadium! How is he not getting that right? I’d love to sit with Roy Keane and play that clip for him to see his reaction. He can’t even say the word “Magwoooyyer” without rolling his eyes and looking skyward.

 

Ronaldo was on the bench. No idea why. Not sure what’s going on with him as there have been so many mad stories about his future this summer I don’t know what to believe. The maddest report was the one that said he wanted to leave for a Champions League club and United were so desperate to keep him they said “go on loan for a year and then come back to us if we get in the Champions League”. Can that possibly be true? How degrading would that be. I know you’re shit at the moment but you’re still Manchester United. Have some pride. Fucking hell.

 

Anyway, Ronaldo was on the bench and Eriksen was playing as a false nine. What a cunt he is by the way. Brentford took a chance on him when nobody else would after he died on the pitch. And he repays them by fucking off to that clownshow. Says a lot about him I think. Maybe he enjoyed purgatory so much in that little spell he had on the other side that he’s got a taste for it. Or maybe it was hell? No, if it was that he'd have signed for Everton.

 

That United team looks genuinely terrible though. Maguire is still in it but he’s got a tiny new defensive partner now who looks more like a jocky than a centre back. McFred still makes up the midfield, they’ve got that Dalot starting at right back and van de Beek is still there despite not even being able to get a game with the Blues last season. They’ll do well to even get sixth. If they somehow finish higher than that then Ten Hag is manager of the season regardless of what anyone else does. Because that team and squad is SHITE. My prediction for them (as their squad currently stands) is somewhere between 8-12th.

 

I mean come on, Brighton sold two of their best players, haven’t bought anyone and they still have Danny Welcrap up front. Yet they were miles better than United. 

 

Pascal Gross scored twice in the first half and he’s scored so many goals against them now he’s probably got more right to claim ownership of them than the fucking Glazers have. Speaking of United ownership, Michael Knighton has reignited his efforts to get hold of them. You honestly couldn’t make this shit up. Every day it’s something more mental. It’s getting Everton-like. Hope he juggles a ball on the pitch again.

 

Brighton were denied a stonewall pen too when the teeny weeny Martinez ran into the back of Welbeck and flattened him, but Manchester’s own Paul Tierney said no. VAR didn’t get involved either, apparently because of the ‘high bar’ being used this season on VAR interventions. Sorry, but if you’re not getting involved in that then there’s no point even having it. 

 

I mean just look at this, how is it not a penalty?

 

 

Ronaldo came on and United rallied. Rashford had a few chances he couldn’t take and then they scored the scruffiest of scruffy goals that eventually rolled in off Mac Allister. Brighton’s first ever win at Old Trafford. There’ll be a lot of teams getting their best Old Trafford results this season I think. It won’t be United though.

 

 

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[Trumo]

Maybe Wing Commander Scott 'Scotty' Parker is going for the RAF wings look.

[alles ist gut]

Top, top O Magico analysis there, Dave.

[Peter Cormack]

Thanks Dave  - Bonesaw condoning shit cunts…..I just spat my cereal into my coffee

[DaveT]

Great to have the round-up back.

Just caught up with MotD myself, and I have to admit, with each passing season I have less and less idea what constitutes a foul. 'Lighter touch' was certainly applied to our game last week when Fulham were given the scope usually afforded lower league teams against us to clatter into our guys, usually after the ball had gone. Yet Mitrovic flops to the floor, zero contact whatsoever, (I'm thinking of the one on the touchline more than the 'penalty') and he gets a free kick.  The Wolves keeper launched into a Leeds player, smacking in the head, then taking him out mid-air......... no penalty, no VAR intervention. Unbelievable. 

We might be rid of duffers like Atkinson, Moss etc but I have no confidence whatsoever that officiating will improve.

[moin k]

"What the fuck was with the three white stripes on the sleeve of his suit though? Are adidas making suits now? Terrible business that."

 

His suit jacket is made by an American designer called Thom Browne and his clothes are seriously expensive - personally I think the 4 stripes would like fine on a hoody but not on a formal suit jacket (my two pence of styling advice there!).

 

https://www.thombrowne.com/uk/shopping/medium-grey-cotton-suiting-engineered-4-bar-classic-jacket-16874421

 

 

[Tj hooker]

Superb read , great start to the round ups brilliant to have them back