Premier League Round Up (Mar 13-20 2022)

[tlw content]

Absolutely loads to get through as there seemed to be games every day over this past week or so. Initially I wasn’t going to do the Round Up this week as I’ve had a lot of family stuff going on and didn’t think I’d have time, but the international break has given me some leeway and because so much happened this week I felt like I needed to do this. 

 

Ok, full disclosure, I had to do it just because of the buck toothed bolt cutter guy at Goodison. I couldn’t not have my say on that. I’ll get to that in due course but I’ll go in order and pick things up from the Saturday before last.

 

Ronaldo bagged a hat-trick as United beat Spurs 3-2 despite being second best for most of the game. That’s what they are though. A poor team who rely on ‘moments’. Ronaldo is someone who still can provide plenty of moments, when he isn’t fucking off back to Portugal in a huff after refusing to sit on the bench that is.

 

He put them ahead with a 25 yarder that I think Lloris should have done better with. The bigger problem was no-one closing him down, but still, Lloris is such a bum these days. You know, I don’t actually mind Ronaldo scoring because when it happens we all get to laugh at all the grown men yelling “SIIIUUUUUUU”. That’s as pathetic as anything you’ll find in any stadium in the land. Just pure cringe.

 

Spurs levelled with a Kane penalty after a handball by Dalot. Or Telles. Not sure, I get those shite United full backs mixed up all the time. I couldn’t pick either of them out of a line up to be honest. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen either of their faces, I just see their name on the teamsheet and always think “is he the shit one, or the even more shit one?”

 

Ronaldo made it 2-1 when Sancho broke the offside trap and squared for him. Amazingly, Ronaldo didn’t do the “SIIIIUUUUUU” shit for once and instead celebrated with his team-mates. Not sure I’ve ever seen that before. Not even joking. It seemed weird watching it. Some of his team-mates were looking around confused, probably expecting four fellas on horses to suddenly appear.

 

Normal service was quickly resumed as Hapless Maguire put through his own net to bring Spurs level. Is it me or is he pushing double figures for oggies now? Feels like it’s every other week. He’s so accident prone it’s bordering unbelievable now. He’s like a footballing Mr Bean.

 

Ronaldo bailed him out with a thumping header to win the game. Again, he didn’t do the “SIIIUUUUU” crap but he did give it the solo celebration and the whole “look at me, I’m the fucking man” routine. I reckon he jibbed off the “SIIIIUUUUUU” because even he was embarrassed at having fifty thousand grown men doing it with him.

 

Tom Brady was in attendance and met with Ronaldo afterwards, causing twitter virgins everywhere to go into “GOAT MEETS GOAT” overload. Ronaldo actually has a lot more in common with DeShaun Watson and Ben Roethlesberger than he does Tom Brady. One for the NFL fans among you there.

 

 

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[Rushies tash]

Great read as usual. Hope all is OK mate.

[dockers_strike]

Good round up, Dave. Better than reading all the separate articles in the papers!

[alles ist gut]

Top, top bog star analysis there, Dave.

 

[Waitak]

This, but forget the "free", find the cash to buy him ASAP. He's a ready made Hendo replacement.

 

Conor Gallagher is brilliant. He’s a pressing machine as well as a really skilful, goalscoring midfielder. If Chelsea’s situation worsens and players start walking out for free, I’d be first in the queue to get that lad. I wouldn’t be arsed about any of their other players but Gallagher has “Klopp player” stamped right through him like a stick of rock.

 

[Ipplfc]

Great round up that but can’t believe you didn’t mention in the last second of the Leeds Norwich game Pukki hit a volley that looked a sure equaliser but hit the Leeds goalie right on the fod

[m0e]

Fantastic

[Chocoholic]

Disappointed that the roundup pic is not the star of the show, but some anonymous tit. However, it does highlight the fact that given something sharp was needed to cut the tie, this Einstein was attempting it by presumably getting his finger inside the tie, giving himself only a very small section to cut. With very little margin for error, a slip could've been very dangerous. While between the post and the back of his neck, there were several inches of cable tie to be cut with no risk of injury.

 

The view on Brentford beating Burnley was much the same as I felt. A necessary result to get Brentford some breathing space, which they followed up with another 3 points the game after. This leaves the dirty shootout a little more polarised  between Burnley, whose history of fighting dirty battles will hopefully stand to them, and the Bloos, who've become used to their 'entitled' status and their questionable ability or mentality for a fight for survival.

[ralph]

Great read Dave, worth waiting for, bit insulting that you can't be arsed to rell Dalot and Telles apart 

Funny as fuck though

[DalyanPete]

Good to see you back.

The image of the steward, with his teeth sticking out, giving it the beans with those bolt cutters and getting absolutely fucking nowhere 

I really thought that was a photoshopped gif someone had put together.

Just viewed it on youtube, came with the comment...

As he was carried away, fans threw objects at him and one fan who got on the pitch was stopped from assaulting him.

No surprise there, the stewards are just fans with high vis.

 

[dave u]

3 hours ago, DalyanPete said:

Good to see you back.

The image of the steward, with his teeth sticking out, giving it the beans with those bolt cutters and getting absolutely fucking nowhere 

I really thought that was a photoshopped gif someone had put together.

Just viewed it on youtube, came with the comment...

As he was carried away, fans threw objects at him and one fan who got on the pitch was stopped from assaulting him.

No surprise there, the stewards are just fans with high vis.

 

 

Shit yeah, I forgot to mention the fan who ran on trying to get at him. I got too distracted by the fan with the knife.

[Peter Cormack]

Excellent Dave, hope all is good at home. Nothing against Chris but iwould have loved your UNBIASED views on the Arse game

[index1000]

What do you need a pair of bolt cutters that size for anyway. 

What have they go stored that needs a lock the size of a fucking dinner plate.

[sir roger]

13 minutes ago, index1000 said:

What do you need a pair of bolt cutters that size for anyway. 

What have they go stored that needs a lock the size of a fucking dinner plate.

The padlock on the clock safe

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

My boy Usher's Thatcherite theme "managed decline". Brilliant.

[aws]

37 minutes ago, index1000 said:

What do you need a pair of bolt cutters that size for anyway. 

What have they go stored that needs a lock the size of a fucking dinner plate.

They needed them to cut the handcuffs when they dragged Kenwright out of the Chairman's office.  

[dockers_strike]

Soz, I thought Id repped the article, seen I hadnt but done the right thing now!

[Tj hooker]

Excellent read that some really funny lines in it. 

[05 Milan]

Genius!!!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

1 hour ago, 05 Milan said:

Genius!!!

Hello, Stranger!

[DaveT]

Caught up with the highlights of Wolves-Leeds a couple of days ago. The Jimenez 2nd yellow is a jaw droppingly  bad decision . It confirms - Kevin Friend is clueless (as we’ve known for many years), and the VAR protocols are stupid. Massive match for both teams, especially Leeds, the course of which was decisively affected by a blatantly wrong decision but VAR couldn’t intervene. Incredible 

[DaveT]

From the Telegraph…

If English game wants best referees it must fix a creaking system
 

The biggest changes to English refereeing in a generation are being discreetly drawn up by the Premier League, which has looked at the future of the game’s officials and decided that it cannot wait any longer to make an intervention.

The 20 Premier League clubs will likely discuss a firm proposal before this summer to fund a fast track for ­referees and assistants – crucial figures in the game who face an apprenticeship that is both uncertain and poorly paid. This has been English football’s shame, the embattled, impecunious, abused officials, forced to juggle two jobs and wait the best part of 10 years before they can make a living from the game. A League One referee, for instance, will earn about £400 a match, and his assistants even less.

More Mike Dean-style referees? The renowned Premier League red-carder, who retires at the end of the season, was one of the old guard who became an institution in English football but was rarely used by Fifa or Uefa and certainly not for its major games. The Premier League is now aiming to produce referees who are the best in the world.

It is a delicate process that will be overseen by the Premier League, which is the only institution with the funds to implement major change. What is being proposed is the referee equivalent of the Elite Player Performance Plan launched in 2012 that revolutionised player development and laid the groundwork for the youthful promise of the current England squad. The Elite Referee Development Programme will shorten the decade-long route that takes officials from Sunday league to the Premier League and discourages so many from staying the course.

For most referees, the job starts as a hobby laden with disadvantages. Any adult who wants to do so will pay to pass their referees’ exam and then embark on the long road from level nine, earning match fees that barely cover the petrol and with the jeopardy of failing at every level. The Football Association referees’ department, which decides which officials make the leap from the fifth-tier National League into the national list that covers League One and League Two, holds all the power. It recently added another level, which means officials must first prove themselves in one of the two regional National Leagues in tier six before moving up.

The new plan will not raise every official out of the long slog to become one of the 22 referees and 28 assistants of the Premier League’s select group one, but it will accelerate the development of some. The Premier League, through the Professional Game Match Officials Ltd, jointly owned with the FA and the Football League, says it wants the best referees. To do so it will first have to change a creaking system.

The plan also aims to boost the vanishingly small number of black and Asian referees: Uriah Rennie, who retired in 2009, is the last black select group referee. The proposal, once voiced on a regular basis by the late, great pundit Jimmy Hill, that former players and coaches should become referees is also being raised anew by the prospect of a fast track. Previous attempts to attract them through the Professional Footballers’ Association have failed miserably.

There is a hope that there might be more women referees brought through, with Sian Massey-Ellis the sole ­female assistant in the select group. She has not been allocated a game this season other than as a Var. PGMOL says she is injured.

Ultimately, it will be a case of ensuring that an underfunded, under-rewarded and yet crucial sector of the game is fit for purpose. Already the Premier League has told the current crop that the new system is coming and that the aim is to support them as best they can. Dean is on his way out and a further five of the Premier League select group one referees – Andre Marriner, Martin Atkinson, Kevin Friend, Jon Moss and Graham Scott – are over 50. A great deal of experience will go with them when they quit. The four referees newly promoted this season to select group one have been assigned just 11 Premier League games between them, of which six have gone to Jarred Gillett, a former Fifa referee recruited from Australia.

As for the question of whether there might be more foreign referees attracted to the Premier League, the consensus is that nothing is off the table in the drive to have the best officials.

At the last World Cup finals, there was no English referee or assistant for the first time, a dire outcome for the FA and English officials. That was the fault of the FA, and David Elleray, the referees’ department chairman and general overlord, who will depart at the end of the season after a term in office that dates back longer than most can recall.

It will be interesting to see who is in charge to drive the change when it comes. Mike Riley, the general manager of PGMOL, was an appointment of former Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore. Howard Webb, the leading top-flight referee for so long and also the 2010 World Cup final referee, did not stay for long at PGMOL under Riley post-retirement. He has worked in Major League Soccer for five years and now holds Riley’s equivalent position in the United States. Webb’s wife, Bibiana Steinhaus, a former Bundesliga referee, is now based in Britain, in charge of referees in the Women’s Super League.

The ideal for the Premier League is to develop officials at a rate that means they can move into the elite at a younger age and stay there for longer. It might also mean that those who reach the top are looked after better when it comes to travel, fitness, coaching and nutrition.

Ultimately, of course, the biggest difference will be making it more financially viable for those starting out. Match fees for those who have given up careers, not to mention a lifetime of Sundays and bank holidays, are not commensurate with the responsibility assumed. As for the comparison with some players with whom they share the pitch, most would pay their chauffeurs more.